


Two's Company (Four's a Crowd)

by HarveyDangerfield, swimsalot



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Dimension Travel, Doppelganger, Emotional Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M, Married Couple, Past Spock/Nyota Uhura, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Vulcan Bond, Vulcan Mind Melds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-08-23 12:45:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 57,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20243080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarveyDangerfield/pseuds/HarveyDangerfield, https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimsalot/pseuds/swimsalot
Summary: Spock and Kirk are sucked through a portal that brings them to another dimension, ten years in the future, where they catch a glimpse of what things could have been like for them if they hadn't had such a rough start to their relationship, thanks to Nero.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ONE VERY IMPORTANT THING TO NOTE!!!!!
> 
> This takes place in a slightly canon-divergent timeline, in which Spock never met Spock Prime.   
Some minor liberties are taken with little facts here and there in order to move the plot forward. 
> 
> That's all! carry on

The mission had been straightforward. Beam aboard the Romulan vessel to "negotiate" the release of the ensigns who had been captured in a science probing vessel from the Federation starship Penumbra, toeing the line of the neutral zone in order to study an anomaly that had appeared near its edge. Spock had been the one to tell Kirk that there was a slim chance the Romulans actually planned to allow them to negotiate-- it was far more likely that they would take the pair of them hostage, but Kirk was not only aware, he was _planning_ on that.   
  
While it had been the Romulans expecting to take the Captain and First Officer off guard, it was they who took the Romulans off guard instead, with phasers set to stun at the first sign of betrayal. They didn't want to kill any of the Romulans and give them any more reason to be furious with the Federation than they had, but Kirk wasn't about to let anyone stand in the way of him and a bunch of poor nerds who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.   
  
Getting to the ensigns had been easy. Locking onto their signal and beaming them back aboard the Enterprise, even easier. But then the cloak went up around the Romulan ship and all hope of locking on to Spock and Kirk to bring them home was lost.   
  
In the minutes that followed, the two of them have started a mad dash for the escape pods. Spock is "reasonably certain" he'll be able to figure out how to get one to work, and that's good enough for Kirk.   
  
"You didn't think it might have been wise to think of an escape plan _before_ we beamed over?" Spock shouts over the sound of gunfire as they slide down another ladder in a jeffries tube, ducking laser beams.   
  
"I did, I brought you to think one up for me." Kirk snarks in return, firing back at the Romulans pursuing them. "Getting the ensigns back was priority one, they won't actually kill us. We're a lot more valuable alive which gives us the advantage." He hopes. He and Spock are well known and relatively famous around the Federation and outside it. They'd be good bargaining chips if the Romulans wanted something from Starfleet so he might be right in thinking their lives aren't exactly on the line just yet.   
  
"Come on, I think the escape pods are this way," Kirk grabs Spock's arm and tugs him down a hallway. His Romulan isn't _great_ but he thinks that's what the sign says as they pass it.  
  
"Down!" Spock shoves Kirk hard, throwing him to the ground just as a phaser beam nearly takes his head off. Spock is able to fire back at the offender, knocking him back off his feet, but three more take his place, firing wildly. A beam cuts through Spock's shirt across his shoulder, spilling green into the dark blue fabric.  
  
He grabs Kirk by the back of his shirt and his belt, hauling him up and tossing him up to his feet without breaking stride, phaser fire taking the hairs off the backs of their necks as they skid around a corner and find themselves looking out over the deck with the escape pods.   
  
Another laser takes a nasty gash out of Kirk's bicep as they scramble down the ladder and into one of the cramped pods, hauling the door shut behind them. The Romulans spill into the chamber and start trying to pry the door open, but Spock managed to lock it just in time. As he sets to powering up the small vessel, a thundering groan rocks the entire warbird enough to make Spock pause and lift his head.   
  
"What was that?" he looks from his work over to his captain.  
  
"Probably a flare from the thing the science team was out here collecting data on in the first place," Kirk answers absently while he checks his arm. The wound is superficial at best, even Bones wouldn't raise his voice over it which is saying something. He turns his attention away from it and moves instead to start checking out Spock's shoulder.   
  
"You're the genius here Spock, put that big mind of yours to work and start calculating the odds. What's got a better chance of killing us, staying here with the Romulans or heading out there into that storm? You know this, man. Figure it out." He frowns at the still bleeding wound and starts looking around for medical supplies.  
  
"I cannot calculate the odds accurately, I do not know what the anomaly _is_," Spock says irritably. "But I do know the Romulans, and I can say with confidence that we have a better chance with almost anything that is not a Romulan."  
  
As he says that, an alarm starts to blare on the ship, and the Romulans who had been pounding at the door all pause and then turn around, leaving the two of them in the escape pod.   
  
"That, however, is not a good sign," Spock says as he watches them go, just as a green light flashes from outside the ship on the other end of the pod, where an observation window sits. Kirk is able to crane his neck to look out it, just in time to see the strange string-like anomaly open up into a proper wormhole.  
  
"If we're leaving we need to do it now Spock. While they're distracted and not about to start firing on us," Kirk prompts. "Consider that an order if you need to. Get us the hell out of here!"   
  
He sits down next to Spock and straps in for what is sure to be an unpleasant and turbulent ride. Knowing their luck, if you can call it that, that wormhole is likely to blow them into next week. Or last week. Or who knows what week but it almost certainly won't be a good one and the best they can do is buckle up so they won't have concussions when they get there.  
  
"_Initiating containment protocol_," the computer chirps in Romulan.  
  
"I'm trying, Captain," Spock shoots back, raising his voice to be heard over the rumbling of the ship, vibrating from the turbulence. "The feedback from that anomaly is interfering with the controls. I may not even be able to fly this craft once we breach the Romulan's cloaking field!"  
  
"You seem a little excited Spock," Kirk teases. He needs Spock to keep a cool head, to be logical about this. He can't get them through this alone and Spock losing his composure will be the end of them both. He puts a hand on his first officer's shoulder and gives him a quick squeeze. "I have complete faith in you Spock. Now get us home."  
  
Spock searches Kirk's face for a moment before nodding, and turning to face the console. He goes silent, working patiently with the console as the cascades of energy break down every pathway. He routes and reroutes until finally, after several tense minutes, the computer blips back online.   
  
"_Initiating launch sequence_," it says. "_5- 4- 3-_"  
  
Spock has only enough time to latch his own seatbelt in place before the pod is launched out of the bay. The warp dampeners being on the fritz gives them both whiplash as the pod sings like an arrow in a straight line for the enterprise for 10,000 feet, 20,000 feet, 30,000-- and then it loses momentum as the wormhole starts to tug on it.   
  
"Spock to enterprise," he says evenly. "Can you lock onto our signal from here?"  
  
"We'll do our damndest!" Scotty's voice calls from the other end. "That _thing_ out there is playing mary hell on our sensors! We'll try to beam you back on board just as soon-- as--"   
  
The signal crackles and breaks up, just as the gaping green void beneath them starts to fill the small chamber of the pod with a brilliant green light. Spock looks across at Kirk with wide but calm eyes.  
  
Kirk doesn't ask what their chances are of escaping the wormhole's gravitational pull. It's too small to say and he doesn't want to hear the .0000000whatever odds they have of getting out of this one. He looks back at Spock and he manages a smile.   
  
"We had a good run Mr. Spock. And I gotta say, I can't think of anyone else I'd rather face whatever we're about to face with."

"You are only saying that because I am the only one here," Spock replies. It's almost a joke.   
  
The wormhole starts to pull their pod in past the point of no return and Kirk's last little bit of hope that Scotty is going to pull one of his patented miracles and get them out of this starts to slip away. He takes a chance and grabs Spock's arm, just above the wrist to avoid the chance of touching his skin, but the warmth he feels through the material of his uniform shirt is grounding and comforting all the same as they pass through the rift.  
  
Squeezed-shut eyes open a moment later as they realize they aren't spinning out in oblivion. There's a moment where both men are still and silent as they let it sink in that they're unharmed, and better yet, the pod's systems are all fully functional. There's no sign of whatever had opened up under them-- perhaps it'd just shut in the split second before they were pulled in?  
  
Unclipping his seat belt, Spock moves to the porthole and squints out through the glass. "Captain," he beckons Kirk over, who follows suit, and follows his line of sight to the Enterprise, sitting just a couple kilometers away. "It appears as though nothing happened."  
  
Kirk frowns. This isn't right. That's the Enterprise, sure but something is _off_ about her. And Kirk would know, he knows his ship better than he knows himself and he would recognize her from a galaxy away, half blind and drunk on Klingon bloodwine. That Enterprise is not _his_ Enterprise.  
  
"I don't like this," He mutters, knowing Spock's superior Vulcan hearing will pick it up. There's more than just the ship that's put him off too. Something is tugging at the back of his mind. Something familiar and not unpleasant but at the same time strange and disconcerting.  
  
"Spock to enterprise, come in Enterprise," Spock says, flipping open his communicator. They get no reply, not even the buzz of static. The lights are still on, so he knows the device is operational, but even as he twists the dials to try and lock in to the frequencies aboard the ship, they hear nothing whatsoever.   
  
He gives Kirk a concerned furrow of his brow as he takes hold of the controls, ready to fly the pod manually to the ship and hopefully reconvene with their crewmates on board. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Captain, I'm picking up life signs onboard a... romulan escape pod," Spock says from his station, looking back over his shoulder at his captain.   
  
"I'm trying to hail them, but I'm not getting any response," Uhura adds. "It's like their system is in another coding language, I can't even _access_ their hailing frequencies."  
  
“How many are there?” Captain Kirk asks, standing up from his chair to take a few steps closer to Spock’s station to take a look at the readings for himself even as he asks Spock for the answer.   
  
“Uhura keep trying to hail them, if you can’t get through, Mr. Spock I want you to send a security detail down to meet them and have Scotty open a bay door for them. Have McCoy send down a medical team on standby too, we don’t know what kind of trouble they might be in.”  
  
"There are only two on board, captain," Spock says. "And no sign of any Romulan vessels anywhere in this sector. I am not even familiar with its construction-- were it not for the materials it's constructed out of, I wouldn't be able to identify it at all."  
  
"It's coming right for us, captain," Chekov adds. "It doesn't seem hostile, but it is Romulan sir. Be wary."  
  
"Still no luck captain," Uhura announces.  
  
"Security team standing by," Spock nods.  
  
“Lets go see who we’re dealing with Mr. Spock.” Kirk says, already leading the way off the bridge onto the lift, trusting Spock will be right behind him like he always his.   
  
The doors close behind them leaving the two in isolation as they head down the transporters to meet their new guests. “Any theories Spock? They must have come from somewhere.”  
  
"The particular variant of escape pod currently approaching the Enterprise is not outfitted for deep space travel. Though it is equipped with manual controls, its purpose is for short-term, largely autopiloted travel from a vessel to the surface of a planet," Spock says, clasping his hands behind his back. "We are not near a planet, and though it is theoretically possible that there is a cloaked Romulan vessel nearby that our sensors cannot pick up on, it would be extremely unlikely to find Romulans this far out of the neutral zone. I would assume that the craft was carried a long distance by inertia, save for two facts."  
  
The doors open and the two of them head for the shuttle bay currently opening its doors to receive the craft. "One, that it's onboard computers are still operational indicating no loss of power, something that surely would have occurred by now as the vessel would only have two hours of energy, and our sensors could pick up a ship within two hours of our present position in any direction-- and two, that we recorded a brief spike of interspace energy levels right before our sensors picked up the vessel."  
  
“So something other than a ship brought them here, and did it fast while causing very little damage. To the ship itself at least, who knows what it did to the occupants. At least they’re still alive,” Kirk translates for himself while they walk. “Good news is that that means they hopefully won’t be looking for a fight and we can get this all sorted out and send them on their way before the end of our shift. Don’t think this is going to get you out of finishing our chess game tonight Spock.”   
  
They arrive at the shuttle bay where the security team is standing ready. Kirk nods in greeting to the men who stand with their phasers raised and ready as the shuttle doors close behind the strange Romulan craft. Spock had been right, it’s unlike any vessel Kirk has seen but the materials at least are familiar, and the text on the side is certainly Romulan.   
  
The door opens, and to their surprise, a human and a vulcan spill out of the door. It had jammed just a bit, but with their combined weight they managed to get it open, and nearly fall onto the floor as a result.   
  
Staring up at another human, vulcan, and a great deal of security surrounding them, Spock glances over to Kirk before squeezing a hand over his injured shoulder and carefully rising to his feet. Something is wrong alright, they don't recognize these crew memebrs, much less this cargo bay. Everything inside is brighter, and less streamlined in a strange, blocky way, as if a child had designed it. It might have looked like the Enterprise on the outside, but nothing in here is familiar.   
  
An confused brow furrow is mirrored in the older vulcan where he stands beside his captain, and as he glances between the two of them, he leans down to whisper in Kirk's ear, "Be wary, captain. I believe something strange is happening."  
  
That familiar yet strange feeling is growing stronger as Kirk looks around. He feels like he's been here before somehow, or seen something like it, seen these faces but he knows he hasn't. And that tug in the back of his mind is stronger now too. He tries to ignore it as he straightens up, staring down the man in command gold across from him surrounded by the security team. He's about to ask who the man is but he beats him to it.  
  
"Names and assignments," the older captain demands. "And explain how you came by this Romulan craft."  
  
"I am First Officer Spock," the younger vulcan leads, frowning across at the older men. "This is my captain, James Kirk. We were on board a Romulan vessel in an attempt to rescue four Starfleet ensigns who had been taken prisoner by the crew. Our mission was successful, but when the ship cloaked we had no choice but to take a shuttle to escape."  
  
The older captain and first officer share a look that seems to say a thousand things at once while the security team also shares a few confused glances with each other. But none of them say anything.  
  
"Care to return the favor?" Kirk asks a little hotly, more than a little annoyed at having phasers shoved in his face and being asked to give his credentials on 'his' ship. Except this isn't his ship, obviously.  
  
"Gentleman, I think this is a conversation we should have in private. After you two get checked by our CMO," the older captain says, finally looking away from the older Vulcan. "Something very strange is happening here."  
  
As the younger pair are marched to sickbay and through the doors by security, Spock holds his captain aside until the doors shut, and it's just the two of them in the hall.   
  
"There is a possibility this is a Romulan plot, captain," he says, keeping his voice low. "I would advise extreme caution, to keep yourself as safe as possible. I have a very strange feeling in particular about that boy claiming to be you. I cannot yet identify precisely what it is I am feeling."  
  
"_Boy_ is certainly the right word for it," Kirk mutters back. "If they're Romulans, Bones will find out, and if they really are us, well it wouldn't be the first time. We just have to find out what sort of us they are."  
  
Inside the medical bay the younger James Kirk moves closer to his first officer. "Do you think we should submit to these tests? We still have no idea what's going on here, we don't know what they're planning on doing. They've got us outnumbered but I think we could probably make a break for it."  
  
"I would not advise it," Spock murmurs to his companion. "They are all armed with standard issue phasers, and we are both already injured and fatigued. It appears as though we have been found by Starfleet, even if this isn't our version of Starfleet. That wormhole may have taken us somewhere else entirely, to a parallel world. If we are not a threat to them, chances are they will not be a threat to us."  
  
"Alright, boys, hop up on these tables," comes the tired voice of an older man, who walks into the room inspecting a padd. He looks up, and at the sight of them his brow furrows deeply. "So... you say your names are Spock and Kirk, huh?"  
  
"Correct," Spock says as he lifts himself onto one of the beds.   
  
"Right... right, course you are," the doctor shakes his head as he starts to move a medical scanner over Spock's chest. "Well, you're vulcan alright-- wait, are you half?"  
  
Spock frowns, and glances over at Kirk before looking back up at the doctor. It isn't something he loves to advertise, but he can't lie to a medical professional, so he simply nods. The doctor shakes his head again and taps something into his padd before moving on to Kirk.   
  
"You're both in excellent physical health, apart from a couple superficial cuts and bruises," he gruffs, sticking Spock in the arm with a hypospray for the pain. "You kids got put through some kinda somethin' didn't you? You look like hell."  
  
"Escaping a Romulan warbird will do that to you." Kirk snarks. He flinches away before the doctor can stick him with a hypo too. "Sorry doc but I've got a long list of things I can't take. Unless you've got a few dozen hypos back there to handle my reactions to the things you give me for my reactions best to just leave it for now."   
  
The doctor grumbles something under his breath and he's so much like Bones it makes Kirk smile. He likes him he decides, even if he hates this strange, beeping, blocky, uncomfortable medical bay that looks like it was built with legos rather than state of the art technology.  
  
"Well, I can't find anything else wrong with you boys," the doctor says as he adheres a couple medicinal patches to their phaser burns just to keep debris out of them. "So unless you'd like a swat on the ass on the way out, get moving. Captain wants to see you."  
  
"Thank you, doctor," Spock says as he drops down to his feet.   
  
"Thank me, yeah--" the doctor trails off muttering, shaking his head as he walks into the back room.   
  
The pair are picked up by security outside the door, and taken directly to a holding cell, where it looks like things have been set up for an interrogation. They sit on one side of a table bolted into the middle of the floor, and have only a moment to look around before the older pair of human and vulcan join them, along with a human woman, and a couple security officers.   
  
The young Kirk is leaning back in his chair when they arrive, feet up on the table with an air of cool confidence that he has mastered over the years. He has no intention of letting these strangers control this conversation. Even if this isn't his ship he's still a Starfleet captain and he doesn't get pushed around by anyone.  
  
The older James Kirk takes an instant dislike to his younger counterpart, wanting to wipe the smug look off his face and knock his boots to the ground the second he walks into the room. He doesn't sit, but stands at attention on the other side of the table looking coldly down at that smirking face. "It seems that we have a bit of a situation on our hands. Dr. McCoy, our CMO tells me that you are in near perfect health and according his scans your DNA proves you are who you say you are. Which makes this all very awkward. You see _captain_, I am **_also_ **Captain James Kirk of the Starship Enterprise and this," he gestures to Spock besides him, "Is my first officer, Commander Spock. So the question now is, how did you two get here, and what exactly are we going to do about it."  
  
The younger Spock's brows furrow as he looks up at his older counterpart, who copies his reaction in the opposite direction, like an owl looking in a mirror.   
  
"Parallel universe," the younger Vulcan speaks up. "The theory is there, though it has never been proven. Until now, I suppose."  
  
The older Spock squints slightly at the younger Kirk, looking him up and down, though he doesn't say anything just yet. His expression is equal parts concerned and appraising-- and Kirk finds that despite this man appearing to be at least a few vulcan decades older than his own Spock, he can read his microexpressions with the same clarity that he can read his own Spock's.  
  
"Actually it has been proven," The younger Kirk speaks up. He glances over at his Spock and gives an apologetic little shrug. "Sorry, this isn't the first time I've met another you."  
  
"Or we another version of ourselves," The older captain says. "Which is precisely why we're taking so many precautions. The last time we ran into a similar situation, the versions of ourselves we met were incredibly violent. Though there was much less variation in our appearances."  
  
The younger Spock looks between the three of them with a frown, embarrassed to be the only one out of the loop. Glaring at the younger Kirk he hisses, "You did not think to ever _tell_ me this?"  
  
"He told me not to! Kind of implied if you found out it would be a really big, world ending sort of situation. Since you're talking to each other right now I'm guessing that was a load of bullshit." Kirk hisses right back.  
  
Spock sighs softly, and looks back up at the older pair. "The ensigns that we rescued from the Romulan ship were studying an anomaly in space. While we were aboard the warbird, the anomaly opened into some kind of wormhole, and the escape pod was sucked in."  
  
"Why didn't you volunteer that information the first time you were asked?" the older Spock asks.   
  
"We found ourselves in an unfamiliar place approaching an unfamiliar copy of a starship we have lived on for years, on board an enemy shuttle and surrounded by armed security," the young Spock retorts, brow twitching. "It didn't seem like a wise course of action to imply immediately that we might be interdimensional travelers."  
  
The older Kirk smiles and clasps his first officer on the shoulder. "He has a point Spock. You probably would have done the same thing to keep us out of trouble. So, a wormhole sent you here. Did you get any readings on it before you were pulled through?"   
  
"The starship Penumbra had a team there looking at it. They were taking readings before they were captured, and then the Romulan escape pod took some readings before we took off." The younger says, rolling his eyes as if that should be obvious. "It's not perfect but we'll have something. Let me guess, you think if we can use those readings to find another anomaly with similar read outs we might be able to find a wormhole that will send us back home?"  
  
"Or create one," the older Spock suggests.   
  
"Do you have the technology for that?" the younger sounds skeptical. "Your ship doesn't appear to be as advanced as ours."  
  
"What year is it you come from?" asks the older.   
  
"2261," the younger answers. "What about yours?"  
  
"2276," replies the elder Spock. The younger's face mirrors his once more as they consider the discrepancy. "You understand my confusion."  
  
"No wonder you two look like children. How did you get to be captain so young?" The older Kirk asks his younger counterpart.   
  
"Saved the world," He answers, grinning in that way that makes the older man want to shake him. He's so smug if he were a member of Kirk's crew he'd have him mopping floors for years to bring him down a few pegs.  
  
"Saving the world would earn you honors and commendations," the older Spock says. "But Starfleet would not simply hand over its flagship to an 18 year old, no matter how impressive his resume."   
  
"I was 25. Started at the academy late and was in my final year when it all went down." Kirk shrugs. He looks to his Spock to back him up on this, on his place and fitness to be captain of the his baby.  
  
"The captain is more than capable of commanding the Enterprise," Spock says without even meeting Kirk's eye-- he doesn't need to. "He has done so successfully for the last three years. Much of the crew is comprised of young ensigns who relate better to a younger man. He has the love of his crewmen and women and the loyalty of his officers. Age is irrelevant."  
  
Beside him Kirk's smug smirk turns into a proud smile. It's not often he gets praise from Spock and somehow it always makes him feel better than 1,000 glowing reports from any of Starfleet's high command.   
  
"I guess you have to be doing something right if Spock is loyal to you," His older counterpart says, his arms falling loosely at his sides so the back of his hand not-so-accidentally brushes the back of his Spock's. "And that only makes it all the more important that we get the two of you back to your own universe and your own ship."  
  
The older Spock is still looking at the younger Kirk with a confused quirk to his brow, when the woman behind them suddenly speaks up for the first time, from where she'd been calmly recording everything being said down on a padd behind them.   
  
"You aren't even going to entertain the possibility that this could be a trick of some sort?" she asks, propping her padd on her hip. "They don't even look anything like either of you. I've seen your personnel files from when you were younger, and they don't even look like that."  
  
"Now that I have had the time to speak to them, I do not believe it is a trick," the older Spock says. "The romulans could falsify reports, and biology, they could falsify scans, even brainwash these young men into completely believing that they are who they say they are. But they could not falsify the connection I currently feel with this version of Jim."  
  
"I beg your pardon?" the younger Spock's brows furrow.   
  
"You said you met an alternate version of myself once already," the older Spock continues without even addressing his younger counterpart, looking directly at the young Kirk. "Did the two of you happen to meld?"   
  
Kirk's smile drops for the first time and he actually looks almost embarrassed. He hadn't really wanted that to be brought up in front of _his_ Spock. It almost felt like a betrayal, having melded with another version of himself and been inside his, but not _his_ mind without him knowing about it. Still, he can't lie, so he nods. "He had to explain a lot of things very quickly so he just sort of... did it."   
  
Now the older Kirk is frowning too. "Spock you aren't suggesting what I think you're suggesting."  
  
The older Spock gives him a nod. "Yes, Jim. I feel a bond with him. Watered down, and thin, but undeniably present."  
  
Both Kirk's are staring at him, the younger in confusion and the older in anger. "That can't have happened unless it was _you_ that melded with him Spock!"  
  
"I have no memory of doing so," Spock says evenly as he looks across at his captain. "Either it happened in such a way that we have all lost the memory of it, both myself performing the meld and everyone else noting my absence while happened..." he looks back at the young Kirk. "Or it has not happened yet."  
  
"No, you were a lot older. So much older I didn't recognize you at all. He didn't really show me much of himself and most of his memories of _you_," The younger Kirk nods to his counterpart "weren't about you being captain. There was a lot of emotion tinging those memories. But you're saying that one meld formed a link? How? I thought that kind of thing had to happen intentionally and even then it's pretty hard for a human and a Vulcan."  
  
"I assume because of the link I share with him," Spock says, looking across at his own Kirk. "It has existed for many years, and if I were so much older as you say, it would have existed for many years more. A single meld with a brain that matches his down to every neuron and synapse-- it stands to reason the link would spontaneously form even if I did not mean for it to."  
  
"Especially if that link had been broken by being in another universe," The older Kirk adds. "A broken bond would be seeking to repair itself. Finding its other half again, a perfect match, of course it would have sought a connection."   
  
The younger doesn't correct him and ignores his own Spock still quietly stewing in anger beside him. "So you two are already bonded then?"  
  
"For six years now," the older Spock answers with a nod. "In both mind and spirit."  
  
"You're _married_," the younger Spock doesn't ask it, he announces it, as if it's as plain as the nose on their face. The older Spock simply nods again.  
  
"How long have you been working together?" the younger Kirk asks.   
  
"Ten years," answers his older self and the younger slumps back in his chair in shock. Four years into their working relationship and they'd been married. He and his Spock were three years into their mission and it was a good day when he could get him to play chess with him after their shift.  
  
He looks sidelong at his Spock, who is still looking up at the older pair. The older Spock, however, is looking directly at him in a way that makes his stomach tense up. There's confusion in his brow, but also amusement quirking one corner of his mouth, and a deep, abiding tenderness in those black eyes as he looks Kirk over and seems to decide there and then that he is a version of the man he evidently fell in love with over half a decade ago.  
  
It makes Kirk's heart ache. He wants that look. He wants that love and tenderness with every fiber of his being. He can even _feel_ it, at the back of his mind through the weak link they share, giving him a tantalizing glimpse of the sort of love he might be able to have, if only it was the right Spock looking at him right now.   
  
He looks away, at his own counterpart and wonders what it is he did to earn that love. How he had managed to catch Spock's attention and affections for himself because so far it seems he hasn't seen one thing remarkable about his captain.  
  
"I believe the best course of action would be to allow them to move freely through the ship," the older Spock says, addressing his own captain. "Whether under aliases at your discretion, or using their own names, they are no threat to us. Provided your counterpart does not feel the need to challenge your authority to command, that is."  
  
He says it sounding almost like a challenge, almost like an insult, but either way he's definitely smirking at the younger Kirk in that way he does, all eyes and no mouth.   
  
The older Kirk is definitely not smirking. The idea that this young kid with a smug smile and ideas of heroism would swagger in and try to challenge his command is unthinkable and when he speaks his tone is at it's most commanding, leaving no room for argument. "I don't think that will be a problem. They'll be allowed free movement through the ship with the exception of the bridge, we have too much serious work to do there to have them causing distractions. I think just calling you Jim will be fine, only Bones and Spock call me that anyway."   
  
The younger captain, Jim, narrows his eyes at the older but doesn't back talk. He's not foolish enough to miss a warning when he hears it but, well, he is just foolish enough to completely throw that warning out the window. "Jim it is then," He says, already planning just how much trouble he can get into without setting a single foot on the bridge.   
  
"Spock, what name would you like to use?" the older captain asks the younger Vulcan.  
  
"Unfortunately is it not as easy as going by my first name," Spock says, folding his hands on the table as he looks across at his counterpart, nodding in understanding. "Perhaps under the circumstances I could go by our father's name among others, if we are attempting to hide the nature of our arrival and stay here. However, I would not recommend the deception if you think it can be avoided, sir. Humans by their very nature attempt to outwit deception at every avenue, sometimes even without trying. You both know how curious they can be."  
  
Kirk thinks it over for a moment and nods in agreement. "You're probably right. But to avoid confusion, we'll only use your name not your rank. For both of you. Jim and Spock only, we are the captain and commander on this vessel. Is that understood?" He waits for them both to show they understand before he relaxes a little. "Spock do we have a room they can stay in while we figure this mess out?"  
  
"Two rooms," the younger Spock speaks up.   
  
"Two?" the older's brow raises.   
  
"You two may be married, but we are not even in a relationship," supplies the younger, without even looking over at Kirk. The older spock notes the way Jim's jaw flexes at that and he glances away, trying to look casual. Even his face emotes with the same sort of feelings that his own Kirk's does.  
  
"I can locate two rooms," Spock nods to his captain. "Provided we do not overlap this task with any other mission, they can stay in the ambassador suites."  
  
"Hopefully this won't take that long," Kirk says. He doesn't seem to notice the little changes in his younger self's expressions, or if he does he doesn't care. "We'll have security bring them to their rooms. Mr. Spock I want you to start putting together a team to begin compiling what data was collected on that anomaly so we can begin working on a solution to this mess."  
  
"Yes captain," Spock says as the younger pair are taken away by security. Only after they're gone does Kirk sink into a chair, and Spock moves up behind him to rub his hands soothingly over his shoulders. "Jim," he murmurs, keeping his voice low. "I would expect stress in this situation but you seem doubly strained."  
  
"That so Spock? I wonder which part of the situation it is, having some upstart with my name and command showing up on my ship, having him be younger and fitter than me, or him sharing a mental bond with my husband that's doing it." Kirk sighs, closing his eyes as his shoulders start to relax under Spock's skilled hands.  
  
Spock's hands still and he takes the seat beside Kirk in order to look him in the eye. "He said that I was so much older that he couldn't recognize me, Jim," he murmurs, reaching out to rest his hand on top of Kirk's, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles. "Chances are great, that means by the time I meet him, you will long since have passed."  
  
"I know. That doesn't change the fact that there's a very fit, pretty young man on my ship right now sharing your mind who you could have a few extra years with if you wanted." Kirk sighs. He knows Spock won't leave him, there's no real fear of that. What they have is real and far too solid to be shaken by the likes of some smug prick with eyes bluer than Earth's sky but that doesn't mean he has to like it. "Don't think I missed how he was looking at you."  
  
"I did not miss it either," Spock says, turning Kirk's hand over in his, rubbing his thumb over his palm in soothing circles. "It is not often I see you so jealous, Jim. If I may say, I find it rather charming."  
  
"Do you?" Kirk can't help the little smirk that tugs at his lips. He turns his hand back over in Spock's to lightly drag the pads of his fingers over the palm of the Vulcan's hand. "Even if it is an irrational human emotion?"  
  
"Especially because of that," Spock says, and leans in to give his captain a soft, sweet kiss. "You have nothing to fear, Jim. The concept that a younger partner is automatically more ideal is a human one, not Vulcan. We prefer age and wisdom over youth and fitness. Vigor fails with age-- experience does not."  
  
"I love you too Spock. But still, the sooner those two are off my ship the happier I'll be." 


	3. Chapter 3

The younger Jim Kirk stays in his assigned room all of two minutes after security drops them off before heading over to Spock's quarters. They're right next door to each other, not unlike their official quarters on board their version of the Enterprise and the familiarity when everything else is so off about the ship is comforting at least.  
  
"Captain," Spock says, standing immediately up off the unfamiliar bed he'd been sitting on, his expression still hard as he approaches the human. "When were you going to tell me about the fact that you met an alternate of myself, much less _bonded with him?_ Were you _ever_ going to tell me?"  
  
"The bond was a surprise. I haven't been aware of it," Jim says quickly, like that's some kind of excuse. He doesn't meet Spock's eyes and starts pacing around the small room. "I wasn't going to tell you. He said it was dangerous and until now there wasn't any reason to! Now that it's relevant, well you know. But is that really the biggest surprise for you right now?"  
  
"Yes, it is," Spock says, grabbing Kirk by the shirt to stop his pacing, nearly tugging him up to his feet. "You have no _idea_ what--" with a soft noise, he releases the human's shirt and gives a dismissive wave, turning his back to Kirk with a shake of his head. "It doesn't matter. We have been fighting enough lately. I don't want to see you right now."  
  
“Too bad, we have to talk about this,” Jim says, smoothing down the front of his shirt. It’s not often Spock gets mad enough to manhandle him like that but if he’s not trying to strangle him on the bridge yet he figures he can push a little more. “We’re trapped here, we have to come up with a plan! You can be pissed off at me later once we know what we’re doing here!”  
  
"We are _here_ because you did not come up with an escape plan _before_ we boarded the Romulan vessel," Spock says, his eyes hard as he looks back over his shoulder at Kirk. "Your exact words were that you _brought me to think of one for you_ and I failed. That is what we are doing here."  
  
Kirk opens his mouth to say something and thinks better of it. He’s quiet for a second before he takes a step forward and tries again. “Spock, don’t think of it like that. If it weren’t for the wormhole we would have gotten home, and I didn’t even mean that. I brought you with me because you’re the person I trust to have my back.”  
  
"I had your back right through that wormhole," Spock mutters, rubbing his forehead. "I need to meditate. I find myself on the brink of an emotional episode and I would like to curtail it before it has a chance to overwhelm me, if possible."  
  
“Yeah alright. Have a good meditation or whatever.” Kirk grumbles, showing himself out.   
  
The door slides shut behind him and Jim sighs, leaning back against the wall. That had gone about as well has he could have hoped. “Idiot.” He mutters to himself.  
  
His aimless wandering takes him all across the ship in no particular pattern. Even the layout of this ship is nothing like hiw own baby back home, he's left to wend around the hallways, seeking something to hold his attention. He isn't tired enough to sleep, he can't go back and talk to Spock, there's really nothing for him to do on this ship. What's a ship captain without a ship to captain to do?  
  
Lost in his thoughts, he's pulled out of them only by the sight of Spock-- the older Spock, the one who melded with him in the future-past, the one who smiled at him with his eyes-- coming out of Sickbay. He gives Kirk a nod and then continues down the hall, his hands folded casually at his back in exactly the same way Jim's Spock walks.  
  
Kirk takes a few jogging steps to catch up to him, falling into stride next to him. He wasn't asked to but Spock, this Spock, doesn't seem to mind his presence so much. "Is everything okay?" he asks while they walk, unsure where exactly they're headed but not really caring either. "You were coming out of sickbay, are you alright?"  
  
"Yes, I am alright," Spock answers. "I was seeking treatment for a headache that has sprouted since yourself and my counterpart arrived in our universe. A result of having two melds with the same person in the same place, if I were to guess. It is treatable, in any case."  
  
"Oh," Kirk frowns. He doesn't want to cause Spock any trouble, hadn't thought of the problems having two bonds could cause. "Do you- I mean could you undo it? Would that be easier? Just get rid of our link so you only have the one you want?"  
  
"I could," Spock says as he calls the turbolift, and when it arrives he steps on, and waits expectantly for Kirk to join him. "But I do not want to," he says as the doors close.  
  
"You just said it's hurting you." Kirk argues as he steps in beside him. "And you didn't ask for this, now or in the future. It just sort of happened."  
  
"A headache is hardly an injury," Spock says as he hits the button for the correct floor, and then glances aside at Kirk to see if he has a floor request. He does not. "In a manner of speaking, I did ask for it, when I married my captain. I cannot believe that any version of myself, even an older one, would not be aware of the very real possibility that even one mind meld with you would have formed a permanent bond."  
  
"There wasn't a lot of time to think things through." Kirk says softly. He wonders for a second if he should explain what was happening, about Vulcan's destruction and how it all happened but decides against it. Letting him know now might change things and he doesn't know if that's a good chance to take. He'll have to talk it over with his Spock first.   
  
"How'd you two end up married anyway?" He asks instead. "Spock and I have known each other for three years and he can barely stand me, how'd you two end up married after just a little longer than that?"  
  
Spock chuckles. "Ah, Jim and I... we got along well enough from the start. There was a mutual respect we held for one another, and a stiff professionalism that persisted for many months. The turning point was when he decided he would make it his life's mission to make me laugh-- and I do mean _laugh_. Not an easy task when faced with a Vulcan, but he was persistent. It took him many more weeks to get me to crack, so to speak. After that, we were inseparable. Nobody had ever made me laugh like that before."  
  
Kirk is staring at Spock, having never seen a Vulcan, least of all his Spock, chuckle like that. So unreserved and open to being happy. It makes him smile and laugh too even if there is a bitter edge to it. "Damn. Well that ship has kind of sailed for us then. I guess I'll have to keep working on that stiff professionalism and respect at least, that can't be too bad."  
  
Spock studies Jim for a moment. "I do not know what could have happened to cause a rift between yourself and my counterpart, for we have seen in other worlds that the bond between us is as inexorable as it is ineffable. If you have found a difficulty in getting along with your Spock, I believe it is temporary."  
  
"It's not getting along with him that's hard. It's getting close. We had a lot of bad first impressions." Jim ducks his head with a laugh. "I cheated on his test, he tried to get me thrown out of the academy, I stowed away on his ship, hit on his girlfriend, made him lose his emotional control in front of everyone. You can see why even three years later he keeps me at arms length."  
  
"You were in the academy together?" Spock sounds surprised by that. "Hm... fascinating."  
  
The doors open and he steps through, and Kirk trails after him like a puppy as he heads down to engineering.   
  
"I assume he also rebuffs all attempts at affection? He will have been trained to do so," Spock continues, nodding to a passing ensign who greets him.   
  
"We weren't in the academy together exactly. He was an instructor. And I don't make a lot of attempts at 'affection' just friendship. He has-- had a girlfriend. And she's great! One of my best friends so that would be weird."  
  
"A girlfriend," Spock lets out a soft huff with a shake of his head as he punches a few numbers into a keypad to open a door. "I highly doubt that."  
  
"Given the number of times I caught them making out in both the human and Vulcan fashion I'm not sure what else you would call it." Kirk says, rolling his eyes.  
  
"I do not mean to call you a liar," Spock says as they step through the door, Kirk still trailing behind him. "I simply doubt the idea of _any_ version of me pursuing a girlfriend. Women have never been my area of expertise."   
  
Jim immediately feels the need to jump to his friend's defense. "Uhura isn't just any woman. She's brilliant and funny and patient and beautiful and brave. You'd be crazy not to go for her."  
  
"Uhura?" that does draw Spock to a pause, for just a moment, before he continues walking. "Everything you say about her is true, however that does not change the fact that women are not my _area_."  
  
"Maybe not this you. But the you I know didn't seem to have any problems," Jim continues to argue. "It was kind of sickening actually."  
  
"It stands to reason that in the infinite multiverse, there are a great many versions of me capable of holding romantic interest in a woman," Spock says as they arrive in a loading bay. "However, I sincerely doubt, given the state of you, that your world is one of them."  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kirk asks, unsure if that's supposed to be a compliment or insult.  
  
"I mean that you are dreadfully handsome," Spock says evenly.   
  
Before Kirk has a chance to retort or even respond, an ensign calls out to him. "Mr. Spock! Thank you for coming down so quickly. Who's this?"  
  
"A friend," Spock says as he follows after the redshirt, and Kirk follows after him. Explaining back over his shoulder, he says, "You aren't opposed to a bit of manual labor, I hope? The stasis field lift is currently in need of repair, and engineering requires 40 barrels of quaratum to be moved in order to lubricate the warp field attenuator coils-- and with each barrel weighing 50 pounds, it is going to be a group effort. I was specifically requested for my superior strentgh, but you were not called for, if you would prefer to go."  
  
It's a direct challenge. Kirk knows the twinkle in those black eyes as well as he knows his own Spock's.  
  
He responds with a wry grin and starts rolling up his sleeves. "Just point me where you want me Spock."  
  
Spock does exactly that and Kirk makes a point of showing off in moving the barrels, taking on more than he needs to but not so much that he ends up making a fool out himself by doing too much. He's learned that lesson a few too many times in the past and if there's one person he doesn't want to look foolish in front of, it's Spock.  
  
The work is gruelling, but it's in good company. After fifteen minutes or so, both of their top layer shirts come off, leaving Kirk in a white tank top and Spock in a short sleeved black turtle neck and Kirk glistening with sweat for his efforts-- along with the rest of the crewmen ferrying the barrels back and forth. There's only of them, which leaves them each with eight barrels to carry if they split up the tasks evenly-- but Spock and Jim seem to move doubly as fast as the rest of them, either because they're more physically fit, or because they're just emboldened in one another's company.   
  
It takes time, but they get all the barrels moved and the rest of the crew goes off to do whatever they need to do, leaving Spock and Kirk to take a moment to catch their breaths. Kirk hoists himself up onto one of the barrels to sit down, wiping sweat from his brow but feeling good for having made himself useful already. He keeps stealing looks at Spock, his long limbs and surprisingly strong arms for someone so lanky. He hasn't broken a sweat of course and his hair is still immaculate even after the hard labor and Kirk can't help but think how beautiful he is.  
  
He'd called him handsome. Not just handsome, he called him _dreadfully_ handsome. That's gotta be high praise from a Vulcan-- it'd be high praise from anyone, but especially Spock. The thought of his own Spock saying something like that to him makes his stomach tight-- but he doesn't even have to imagine his own Spock saying it, because this Spock, this flesh and blood Spock who looks at him like he hung the stars personally, said it _right to his face._   
  
"Your help was most invaluable Jim, thank you," Spock says as he passes over a towel to Kirk to let him dry himself off, the sweat making his shirt stick to his skin. "And the captain was afraid you would make a nuisance of yourself. I told him to have faith in you, as I do."  
  
Kirk wipes the sweat from his face but chooses to just strip off his shirt instead. He's never been self conscious about his body, why would he be, and the air will make quicker work of cooling him than the towel. And if the action draws Spock's attention, that's just a bonus.   
  
"You're pretty quick to trust someone you just met," He teases. "Is that because of the link or just my good looks and charming personality?"  
  
"You are glib," Spock smirks. "In a sense we have just met, in another sense we have already known one another for a decade. The link does help-- I can feel what you feel, though not nearly as strong as the bond with my own Jim. I know you are frightened, I know you are desperate, and I know you are hungry for approval. I have an abiding sort of affection for you that I cannot and would not attempt to hide or lie to you about-- it is the nature of being a copy of the man I love. We may not have had the time spent together as I have had with my Jim and you with your Spock, but there is a quality to your soul that I find compatible with mine."   
  
Clearing his throat, he covers his expression with a neutral mask. "In short, I do trust you. And I am not ashamed. I must return to the bridge now, I will be sure to check in with you tomorrow to see how you are adjusting."  
  
"Yeah, see you tomorrow." Kirk says weakly. He isn't looking at Spock anymore, can't bring himself to meet the Vulcan's eyes. No one has ever called him out like that before, not so completely in a way he can't defend himself against. Desperate and hungry for approval. He doesn't like the way that sounds but he has no argument against it.   
  
What stings even more than that is the word 'copy'. He's just a 'copy' of the man Spock loves. He tries not to dwell on that long after the sound of Spock's footsteps have faded from the cargo bay he's in and he's left entirely alone with the barrels they'd just moved but he can't quite get it out of his head.   
  
Finally he stands up, jaw set and eyes steeled with the same determination he'd felt when he told Pike he would finish at the academy in three years instead of four. He isn't going to spend his time on this ship just being Captain Kirk's _copy_. No fucking way.


	4. Chapter 4

In Spock's defense, he had tried to meditate... for about 10 minutes. His mind was moving too quickly for him to clear it, going over and over what happened. He tried to calm his thoughts, but he never was very good at that, not as good as he knows he should be.   
  
Giving up for the moment, he stands up to pace around his room, hoping to calm his thoughts with a trancelike walk, but even that doesn't work. He tries to tell himself that the science team aboard the Enterprise is more than qualified to go over the information-- but what if they don't even know what they're looking at? They come from vastly different universes, somehow from a world that is both in the past and more advanced, maybe it would look like another language to them.   
  
Those thoughts have him heading down to the science bay, where the crew seem confused by his presence, but receptive after a moment of explanation, and allow him to inspect the information.  
  
Captain Kirk really should be on the bridge, captaining his ship. However, they're currently dead in the water so to speak while his science officers work on the new problem of sending their doubles home, not wanting to drift too far from where the anomaly had been that brought them there in the first place, and so there wasn't much captaining to do on the bridge at the moment. He could sit in his big chair and have Uhura get him some of the top brass from Starfleet to make a big deal of calling this in but he's never been one for grandstanding. A report sent from his own computer tonight will do just as well.   
  
So he leaves the bridge in Sulu's capable hands to do absolutely nothing with and heads down to the labs to try to find his husband. A meal and a game of chess or some sparring or maybe some more _private_ stress relief is just what he needs right now.   
  
He steps into the science bay and immediately catches sight of sleek black hair and the tops of familiar pointed ears, tinted green from the chill in the room and he's about to call out when he realizes that this isn't his Vulcan. This Spock is the same height, has the same hair cut, the same blue uniform, but he's not quite as slim, his shoulders don't slope in quite the same way. And he didn't sense his presence upon his entry the way his Spock would.  
  
"Making yourself acquainted with our ship, Mr. Spock?" he asks to get the man's attention, a small smile pulling at his lips. He can imagine in the same situation, this would be the first place his Spock would have gone too.  
  
"Yes sir," Spock says without looking up from the information. "I am going over the readings from the shuttle. The Romulans have a cycling encryption on their sensors, which is making it difficult-- but I do like the challenge."  
  
He finally looks up when the cipher shifts again, setting him back to square one, and he meets Kirk's eye. "Perhaps you could assist me? I do not have the reach, my fingers can only extend so far."  
  
"I don't see why not." Kirk says, sidling up to him. He takes a look at the code Spock is working on and it really is a marvel. "You haven't seen Commander Spock have you? I hoped he would be down here, this is usually where he disappears to."  
  
"I have not," Spock says, pulling up a second stool for Kirk to sit on. "The cipher rotates through all 120 letters of the Romulan alphabet, and makes a full rotation within 2 minutes. With each rotation the key changes-- the pattern is crackable, but with only 90 seconds and a string of 20 letters, I seem to be struggling just to make my hands move fast enough."  
  
"So four hands will be better than two." Kirk agrees, nodding along. He sits down at the computer and watches the cipher go through a rotation, watching the pattern and watching Spock work through trying to break it once before he joins in trying to help. "Where's your captain? Surely he would be here to help you with this if you asked him."  
  
"With all due respect, sir, I don't want to be anywhere near him right now," Spock says coolly as he starts to punch in the letters. As expected, he doesn't need to explain a thing to Kirk, he just picks up on the patterns right away and starts to tap keys on his side of the board. It seems that this version of Kirk is just as brilliant as his own, but that's where the similarities end as far as Spock is concerned.  
  
It isn't Kirk's place to pry into the affairs of his double and the younger version of his husband so he lets the matter go. If Spock wants to talk about it he's sure he will when he's ready. Instead he focuses on the screen and and the quick moving cipher they're trying to crack. "How long have you been with your Enterprise Spock? Did you also serve under Captain Pike like my Spock did?"  
  
"Three years," Spock says without looking up from the screen. "We served under Pike for a short time. It did not go well."  
  
His tone is terse as the 90 seconds elapse with just one character left to go, rotating back out and resetting the code. Spock sighs softly, closes his eyes for a moment, and then decides to let the next 90 seconds elapse so they can get a fresh start on the next go-around.  
  
"That's too bad. Pike is a good man, I always liked him. Spock does too, respects him a great deal which goes a long way in my book." Kirk follows Spock's lead while they wait for the cycle to reset again. They'd gotten awfully close, this time he was sure they could crack it.  
  
"I'm sure," Spock says flatly, his eyes scanning over the rotating code with interest. He barely seems to be listening to Kirk.  
  
Kirk raises an eyebrow, something he's learned from his Spock is very effective at conveying a lot of things all at once. In this case it's mild amusement and interest. "Of course I was a bit jealous of their previous relationship, but that's all in the past now," It's a lie but maybe it will get a reaction out of Spock, at least enough to see if he's listening.  
  
"Jealousy is unbecoming of a starship captain," Spock says, his voice still modulated at an even, almost frigid tone. A far cry from what his older counterpart had said about Kirk's jealousy earlier.  
  
"It was a joke Spock. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention," Kirk chuckles. "Are you normally this irritable Mr. Spock or is there something about being here that has put you on edge?"  
  
Spock looks up from the screen into Kirk's face, and at the sight of those eyes wrinkled with mirth, he feels a familiar flip flop in his stomach. They don't match his Jim's, his Jim's eyes are blue. But he finds an echo of the same kind of sparkle he sees in his own captain's.   
  
"No, sir. I mean, yes sir, but not because of you. I apologize if my manner of address and communication seems cold. You are familiar with a version of myself who is very much in love with you, it would seem. I'm sure the shift in behavior is... jarring."  
  
"That's true Mr. Spock, I am very used to how my Spock deals with me. I am also used to how he deals with other people and I can safely say that in comparison your behavior has been prickly at best," Kirk doesn't seem angry or annoyed by this, if anything he seems kind of amused by it. "Even Dr. McCoy doesn't illicit this sort of reaction from him and that's saying something."  
  
Spock's nostrils flare. "I am fine," he says evenly as they start to punch in the numbers again. "I just need to be able to work. I will rein in my emotions."  
  
They fail a second time, again by a single digit, and Spock curses softly under his breath in vulcan, a word Kirk is more than familiar with. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as the next cycle of the cipher begins, and when he looks up again, Kirk is giving him a gentle, amused expression that so closely mirrors the sort of expression his own Jim gives him that he very nearly wants to reach out and push him off his stool.   
  
"_What_," he demands, and catching the ire in his own tone, he sighs. "I am sorry. I suppose I am under stress. I will maintain my composure."  
  
"Or we can take a break and get some tea. Spock and I programmed the replicators on board so they make a pretty good approximation of his favorite Vulcan herbal teas." His smile widens a little and he leans forward a bit, adding quietly, as if afraid of being overheard. "And I know where he keeps his stash of the real thing, if you'd prefer that. I think this situation calls for it."   
  
He leans back again, still smiling and waiting for Spock's answer. Something is eating at the kid and he can't not try to help. He looks at him and even if they aren't exactly the same he still sees Spock looking back at him from behind those dark brown eyes and his instinct is to make things right for him, to sooth that pain he's feeling however he can.  
  
Spock is silent for a moment, searching Kirk's face before he asks, "Does he have theris-masu?" and when Kirk nods, he stands up immediately. "Yes, I believe that would be agreeable. A break would be appreciated, thank you sir."  
  
"You can call me Kirk or Jim when we aren't on the bridge." Kirk says, leading the way out of the lab. He takes Spock to the lift up to the deck that contains the officers quarters. "Do you want to tell me what's got you so upset? I know it isn't just the Romulan cipher."  
  
"No," Spock says flatly. Kirk leaves at that-- for now. He knows Spock. Even if this isn't his Spock, he knows him still.   
  
Seated in Kirk and Spock's shared quarters, the young Vulcan finds himself looking around at a strange anomaly. He recognizes some of the objects in the room personally, and recognizes his influence in the ones he can't identify. It's dizzying, looking around at the shared quarters of himself and the man he can barely tolerate breathing the same oxygen with, the man who he wants to punch and kiss in equal measure.   
  
When Kirk hands him his tea and he takes that first sip, he relaxes immediately. The familiar old flavors make his chest clench, and all at once he finds himself very near tears. He sets the cup down and doubles over slightly, propping his head in his hands as he fights back a strong emotional response to the sense-memory triggered by those flavors.   
  
"I'm... _angry_ with him, against my better judgement," he finally says. "He met your Spock and he never told me. After what happened, he should have told me. There are so few of us left as it is."  
  
Kirk gets himself a coffee and sits down across from Spock. His brow furrows in confusion at that. "What do you mean? Half Vulcans? There aren't many of you at all as far as I know but that's not really a reason to be angry with him."  
  
"Vulcans," Spock says coldly, looking down at the tea, wafting steam up into his face. "After Vulcan was destroyed, he should have told me. He had years to tell me and he never did. It explains so much-- the vessel, the final mission-- his sudden comfort with me after returning from the moon base I had sent him to. He _melded_ with me without my permission-- you have no idea what kind of a violation--" he sighs, reigning his emotions back in with a deep breath, and he raises the cup to his mouth for another precious sip of a tea that is extinct now, where he's from. "Then again, perhaps if anyone would know, it might be you."  
  
"Vulcan was _destroyed?"_ Kirk asks, aghast at the idea. The rest of what Spock is saying can wait for the moment. "You don't mean- the entire _planet_, all the people are gone in your time?"   
  
The idea is unthinkable. Billions of lives lost, an entire culture wiped away and a hole left in a solar system where a great planet was supposed to be. Kirk shakes his head. "I'm sorry Spock. S'ti th'laktra." He trips over the Vulcan words, the standard for those in mourning. His Vulcan has never been great, Spock teases him for his accent all the time but he tries.  
  
Spock looks up at Kirk in surprise-- but then again, maybe he shouldn't be surprised.   
  
"Following the destruction of my home planet, Kirk-- _you_ returned to throw my lack of an emotional response in my face, accused me of holding no value over my planet or the lives that were lost, and accused me of never loving my mother in order to break me so he could take command of the ship," he says, looking down at his hands as he clasps them together.   
  
Kirk's frown deepens and there's a spark of anger in his eyes and in his voice when he speaks. "He did _what_?"  
  
"Do I need to repeat myself?" Spock asks.  
  
"No. I just can't believe it. It sounds heartless. I'm trying to imagine a scenario where I would ever do that to Spock unless he was being mind controlled somehow and I needed to snap him out of it." Kirk scowls down at his coffee cup. "It's no wonder you aren't very close to your captain. I'm sorry for that."  
  
"It is not your fault," Spock says, taking another comforting sip of his tea. "You are... different, from him. I do not know whether it has to do with age, experience, or if something else that changed between our worlds, but I don't feel the same level of arrogance or pomposity from you. You aren't only wiser, you seem more relaxed, more confident. More comfortable in your own skin. And if I may speculate, less prone to temper tantrums."  
  
"That sounds awfully close to a compliment Mr. Spock. I'll be careful not to let it go to my head," Kirk says, his frown softening back into that easy smile. He takes a sip of his coffee and leans back in his chair to watch the Vulcan sip his tea. "I agree he appears, at first meeting, arrogant, prone to outbursts and inexperienced. But I will say this in his defense in regards to something you said earlier. He could not have melded with you without your permission. Even if the you who gave permission was not the you you know, as a human he had no way of initiating a meld. I think that might be something you consider letting go Spock."  
  
"I cannot let it go," Spock frowns into his tea. "Whether he intiated it or not, he still participated. He was in Starfleet Academy for three years, he has no excuse for not understanding the depth and complexity and meaning behind a mind meld with a Vulcan, and less excuse for ignoring the ramifications if he did, knowing what he knew. And now here I am aboard this ship, with _him_\-- **_myself_**\-- who has a bond with both my Kirk as well as you and I have--" he cuts himself off, and sets his tea down with an angry sigh. "A headache."  
  
“I understand. I have a bit of a headache over it myself.” Kirk agrees. He takes a drink of his coffee, trying to think of what to say next. This young man is a puzzle, so like and yet so unlike his own Spock that trying to figure out how to help him is like trying to answer a riddle. “Can you think of any reason why he might not have told you about the bond? Maybe there was a logical reason, at least in human eyes, to leave you in the dark so to speak.”  
  
"He said that my alternate told him not to, that there would be repercussions if he told me," Spock stares down at his tea. "But if I were to guess, I think he simply was afraid to get in trouble. The fact that the other Spock told him to keep his mouth shut was merely a convenient excuse. After all, he has never been known for his ability to follow orders."  
  
Kirk can’t help smiling. “That is something we have in common then. Though I like to think I’m not so flippant about it as he sounds.”  
  
Kirk finishes his coffee and gets up to get another cup, giving Spock a little breathing room in the process when he asks his next question. “All of that is in the past though. What do you plan on doing about it now?”  
  
"At the moment, nothing," Spock says evenly. "I am going to do everything within my power to return us to our home. Then when we get there, I will... I am not sure. Give him a serious talking-to, I suppose. For the moment I am simply avoiding him in an effort to control my emotional response."  
  
Kirk wants to roll his eyes but controls the impulse for now. It won’t help anything. “Well Spock you’re more than welcome to continue using our labs to do just that of course. But you might want to start thinking of another course of action because no James T Kirk worth his salt, from any universe, is going to let that go on for very long.”  
  
"With all due respect, sir, I welcome him to do something about it," Spock says, sounding a little bitter. "Considering we are in this state because he chose to do nothing with the information he had, he owes me that much."  
  
"Well we'll just have to wait and see won't we Spock?" Kirk asks. "In the meantime, we'll work on cracking that Romulan cipher and see about getting you two home where you can work this out on your own ship. Hopefully it won't take too long but if it does..." He trails off for a second, thinking. "Maybe, if you're feeling up for it, we could swing by Vulcan for a few days of shore leave. You can get some tea to bring back with you."  
  
Spock straightens up considerably at that. His expression barely changes superficially, but Kirk can see the lights turn on in his eyes.   
  
"I would like that very much, sir," he says evenly, choosing his words carefully. "Though, it may be wise to avoid... encountering my parents, if at all possible. I fear I may not be able to hold back an emotional response if I were to see my mother again."  
  
"I understand Spock. We'll make sure to beam down somewhere far away from your family home." Kirk says. He almost reaches out to take the younger man's hand the way he would his Spock's when he needs comfort like this. Instead he reaches across the table and gently pats his forearm.  
  
Even then, the contact is enough to make something blossom in his chest. He looks across at the face of a man he doesn't recognize whatsoever, but still feels an intrinsic sort of draw to. He lifts his tea to take a big drink, and burns his mouth. 


	5. Chapter 5

When Kirk returns to his quarters that night after a few more hours of restless, useless wandering, it feels like a million years have passed since that morning when they picked up his and Spock's doubles. He sits heavily on the edge of his bed with his face in his hands, just going over and over the pained furrow in the young Spock's brow when he recounted how his double-- his double had purposefully accused him of such horrible things.   
  
He's pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his door opening, and he looks up to see his husband enter the room. Relief floods his body like a drug as Spock approaches the bed and stands directly in front of him, cupping his big, warm hands at the back of his neck as he cards his fingers through his hair.   
  
"It has been a long day, Jim," he murmurs, rubbing his thumbs right behind Kirk's ears.  
  
"I thought all days were the same length Spock, and human colloquialisms were illogical," he teases, already melting under his husband's soothing hands. He wraps his arms around the man's waist and pulls him in so he can rest his forehead against his stomach, just wanting to be near him. "They're a mess aren't they? Did you get a chance to talk to him? The- other me?"   
  
"I did," Spock confirms, sliding his hands down Kirk's bare shoulders and back in long, soothing strokes. "They are indeed a mess."  
  
"From what your double told me, mine is an arrogant son of a bitch." Kirk says into his husband's stomach. "The things he said to him when they met. I can't even imagine it."  
  
"Arrogant, perhaps. I could not comment on his mother's temperament," Spock says, his hands sliding back up to cup Kirk's face and draw it up to look at him. "But I sense a great deal more from him. He is everything like you... and absolutely nothing like you. I think something happened to him."   
  
Sitting down on the bed beside his captain, he strips his boots off and encourages Kirk to do the same, so they can crawl up into the bed together. It'd ordinarily be early for them to turn in, but it really has been a long day. Pillowing Kirk's head on his chest, he massages one hand through his hair in a slow, soothing stroke.   
  
"You don't have to take care of him Spock. He isn't your husband or your responsibility," Kirk says, his tone almost warning. He takes Spock's free hand in his and slides his index and middle finger along Spock's own while his Vulcan holds him. "He needs to learn to grow up and face things for himself. He'll never earn his place as captain or at his Spock's side if he doesn't."  
  
"Still feeling a bit jealous?" Spock asks, giving Kirk's shoulders a squeeze. "I know that I do not have to take care of him. However I get a sense from him that he has never been taken care of in his life. It is easy for you to say such a thing, who has had support from all sides his entire life. I am not so sure he has had the same."  
  
"Not jealous. Worried. He's trouble Spock, nothing but trouble. I've had my share of hardships in my life, you know about them. And I wouldn't treat you or anyone else the way he treated that kid," Kirk says. He stops giving Spock vulcan kisses and instead laces their fingers together to just hold his hand. "Especially with everything he was going through. I still don't think he's gotten past it even after three years."  
  
"What exactly did he go through?" Spock asks, tipping his head down to catch a glimpse at his husband's face. "I feel as though I am missing a piece of the puzzle."  
  
"Jim didn't tell you?" Kirk asks. Saying his own name like this is a little strange but he can't keep calling him 'kid' or 'the other me'. "Vulcan... was destroyed. Shortly after they met Vulcan was destroyed and from what I gathered Spock lost his mother in its destruction. And then Jim came in swinging and stole the captaincy from him by forcibly making him unfit for duty with insults and accusations."  
  
Spock feels his whole body go cold at the thought, his stomach souring and his brow furrowing. "I... see." he says softly. "That does seem like a dramatic oversight. I will speak to him about it."  
  
"Speaking of. I want to take him to Vulcan. The other you. I have a feeling he didn't get to say goodbye, not properly. It won't be the same of course but he deserves a chance to see it one last time in a good light." Kirk says, pulling Spock a little closer. He can feel his distress across their bond and holds him close.  
  
"Is that wise?" Spock asks. "If it was destroyed in his timeline, it could cause undue stress upon him to see it again."  
  
"Maybe," Kirk says uncertainly, "Or he might be able to put that last image of seeing its destruction behind him."  
  
"Perhaps," Spock says. "I suppose it is all speculation, for the moment. It all depends on how long this takes. In the meantime," he pushes Kirk, leaning out over him and nuzzling into the side of his neck. "I believe I should tend to your needs. You are tense, Jim. Allow me to remedy that."  
  
"Yes," Kirk says immediately. He wants to put all of this out of his mind and just be with Spock. He wants to lose himself in the pleasure they can have together, years of knowing each others bodies making it so easy to chase their bliss, and the bond intensifying every sensation-  
  
Suddenly he goes stiff. "Maybe not." He says, gently pushing at Spock's shoulder to get him to lay down next to him again. "It _has_ been a long day Mr. Spock we should get some shut eye."  
  
Spock pauses, his brow furrowing. "Jim? What is the matter?" he does move off of Kirk, but his expression is creased with concern. He would be able to tell if Kirk was simply tired, but he can feel the echoing feedback of his husband's discomfort.  
  
"It's not just us here anymore Spock," Kirk answers with a sigh. "I know you said the link is weak but this isn't something I'm willing to risk sharing. Not with anyone, even another version of myself."  
  
Spock can't help but smile slightly. "I understand," he says, laying back down beside his husband. "In that case, hopefully it will not take too long to send them back, or I fear you may be so tense by the end of this that even I may not be able to untangle you."  
  
Kirk smiles back and tucks himself against Spock, throwing an arm over his chest and resting his head against his shoulder. "I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit, Mr. Spock. It might take a few tries but you'll get me there. You always do."


	6. Chapter 6

Days pass onboard the Enterprise far too slowly for Jim’s liking. He’s barred from the bridge so he makes himself busy wherever else he can, usually down in engineering or in the labs when Spock isn’t there to glare at him until he leaves. He gets to know the crewmen and women he meets, friendly with all of them and taking the time to get to know all their names and ranks and positions by heart. But still the days are slow. So. Slow.  
  
The ship is too different from his and everything about it is uncomfortable. The strange layout, the odd boxy style of everything, all the blinking colorful buttons. The worst is the food and that’s the straw that breaks his back. Three days of eating colorful mushy replicated cubes is too much and Jim can’t take it anymore. After everyone has cleared the mess hall after alpha shift he sneaks in and gets to work on the replicator. It takes an hour but he manages to reprogram the damn thing to at least make individual ingredients, real looking and tasting vegetables and meat and the basics for dough.   
  
Armed with his pirated goods he sneaks into the ship kitchen and gets to work.  
  
The kitchen is, frankly, a mess by the time Spock gets down there. He'd only been meaning to duck in long enough to grab a spare glass to replace the one Kirk had accidentally dropped and broken in their bathroom that morning-- but he stops in the doorway as he takes in the sight of what looks like a flour hurricane that terrorized the poor workspace.   
  
For a moment he just stands there and watches the young Kirk knead a lump of stiff dough with flour smeared up his forearms, over his shirt and across his face, before he finally clears his throat to announce his presence, to avoid startling the boy.   
  
When Jim looks up at him like a deer in headlights, he holds up a hand to disarm him. "Your secret is safe with me," he says as he comes into the kitchen properly, to allow the door to shut behind him. "However, you may want to clean up after yourself when you are finished."  
  
“Of course I will! This is just a lot messier than I remembered it being,” Jim says, going from looking scared to annoyed while he continues to knead the dough. “I’m not some jerk who just leaves their mess behind them though I was going to clean up while it was actually cooking.”  
  
"If I have offended I apologize. I did not mean to imply you were in any way a jerk," Spock says evenly as he opens a cupboard and reaches in for a glass. He stops a moment later however, setting the cup down on the counter as he watches Jim struggle with the dough. "A piece of advice, if I may?"  
  
“Knock yourself out,” Jim replies, more focused on the dough than on Spock anyway.  
  
"Stop strangling the dough to death," Spock says with a hint of humor in his voice as he approaches the counter. "I can sen--" he pauses then, unsure if Jim is completely comfortable with the mind link they share, so he changes his wording. "I can see that you're frustrated, but I believe that dough has past its last legs some time ago. I would recommend starting over, with a bit more of a gentle touch this time."  
  
Jim stops kneading and looks up at Spock, staring him down for a second before sighing. “Yeah you’re probably right.” He grabs the offending dough and throws it in the trash and starts measuring out his ingredients again. “You wanna help Spock? Make sure I do it right this time?”  
  
"I would be glad to," Spock says, already rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.   
  
For a measure of time, the two of them work in comfortable silence. Spock's face is serene as he helps measure the ingredients and pour them into a bowl for folding, but Jim catches him glancing at him out of the corner of his eye one too many times, so he finally breaks the silence.   
  
"You have been restless," he says softly. He didn't even need the link to know that, everyone around the ship has reported that Kirk's double has been buzzing around the decks like a hornet, looking for things to keep himself busy with. "You have never been a man for inaction, am I correct?"  
  
“Not really. I tend to get myself into trouble if I get bored for too long,” Jim admits. He takes the bowl of what is now dough from Spock to drop it onto the floured countertop to begin kneading, treating it a little less roughly than he had before. “Can’t exactly go looking for a fight anymore being a captain. Not a good look. So I’m trying other ways to make myself a nuisance.”  
  
"By making pasta," Spock says, with as much playfulness in his tone as he'll allow to seep through. He indicates with his hands, gesturing for Jim to break it in half, and he does, passing one half of the lump over to Spock so he isn't just standing around with flour on his hands.   
  
"By making pasta," Jim repeats.   
  
Spock is quiet again for a short time as they knead together. It's a rather intimate experience-- at least it is for _Spock_, who can't deny the closeness and fondness he feels for the boy to anyone, not even his own husband. The fact that he's kneading with his hands definitely adds to the feeling-- a feeling that Jim actually feels echoing back into his own head in a small amount. The link between them isn't very strong, it's technically not going to be formed for over a century from Spock's end, and it was created more than three years prior for Jim and then left without cultivation for that long, but it's still there. It will never not be there. It feels like a match lit at the base of his skull, just a tiny, warm little glow at the back of his mind.   
  
"You know, I've been hearing a lot about you this last week or so," Spock says, trying to sound casual, but there's an amused quirk to his brow. "The captain says you're making him look bad by being so friendly with the crew on a personal level."  
  
Jim can’t help a smug little grin that spreads across his face. He keeps his head down in hopes that Spock won’t see and judge him for it but it bleeds into his tone when he speaks.  
  
“Is that so? Well maybe he should take some time to get to know his own crew. There’s only over 400 people onboard it’s not like it’s that hard to memorize all their names and favorite colors.” He snarks. “Besides, I have to make sure there’s no confusion between us right? I’m the young fun not-captain Jim. And everyone knows it.”  
  
"I don't think anyone could ever see the two of you side by side and mistake you for the same man," Spock snarks right back, his tone as even and cool as ever. "It seems that things are different, where you are from. In our reality, captains are expected to maintain a certain level of civil professionalism with his crew, in order to be taken seriously. As the youngest Starship captain since Starfleet's maiden voyage, Jim has to toe this line doubly so."  
  
Glancing at the younger man out of the corner of his eye, he keeps his tone equally even as he says, "Where you are from, it is appropriate to emotionally and verbally assault the acting captain in order to break him so you can assume command-- and then you are rewarded with the ship ultimately in any case. It is very different."  
  
Jim’s smile immediately disappears and he turns as far away from Spock as he can. He doesn’t say anything for a second while he kneads the dough, a little more roughly than is strictly necessary.  
  
“So he told you about that?” He says finally. He doesn’t wait for a reply, just keeps barreling ahead getting louder and angrier as he goes. “It’s not like I wanted to do it. It wasn’t my idea, I didn’t want the ship or to be captain! You said I had to be. And you were right because if he had stayed captain we would have lost the earth too okay? So you, _you_ told me to get him to step down because he was emotionally compromised and to do that I had to provoke him into an emotional display! Which I did, and I hated it! And, not to mention he almost killed me for it at the time so it’s not as if I didn’t pay for it alright?”   
  
He’s basically punching the dough now, hard enough to sting his hands when they hit the counter.  
  
A soft hand grips his shoulder to get him to stop, and while normally touching Jim while he was that wound up would cause him to lash out-- if it had been anyone else but Spock, it would have. He leaves a big white handprint on Jim's shirt, but neither of them care.   
  
"I told you to do it?" he clarifies, and judging by Kirk's sullen silence, he's telling the truth. Spock is quiet for a moment before he quirk his brow. "That is logical. If this is to occur in the future, then I would have lived Jim's entire life with him. I would have shared with him every experience and hardship, including the ten years we've spent aboard the Enterprise together so far. And I would have projected all of that onto you, the moment I saw you. As you said when we first met, you saved the world, so I can infer that your mission was successful, and that taking command of the Enterprise, as you were born to do, was the right decision to make."  
  
He takes Jim's other shoulder, turning him forward to face him, and catches his chin with his fingers to lift his face so he can catch his gaze. He both does and doesn't recognize those watery blue eyes. "But it seems as though it distressed you deeply to do so. I am sorry for what I will do."  
  
Jim doesn’t cry. There are tears in his eyes but he blinks them away, refusing to let them spill down his cheeks. He can’t remember the last time someone apologized to him. The last time something wasn’t his fault, even when it really shouldn’t have been. Had anyone? Ever?   
  
Something in him calls out to ruin the moment, to break that intense stare and take more than is being offered by kissing Spock. It would be easy, easier than looking into those soft brown eyes and seeing only kindness and understanding and affection looking back. This Spock might not even hate him for it.   
  
He doesn’t though. He gently pulls his face away when he can’t take it anymore and says shakily, “Thanks. It’s too late to do anything about it now though. And it just sucks that it’s one more reason he and I will never have what you two have.”  
  
"I am not so convinced," Spock says. "Have you ever apologized to him for it?"  
  
“Of course!” Kirk says automatically. Then he thinks for a second and says a little more softly, “I mean, that depends on what you mean by apologize.”  
  
"I mean," Spock clarifies slowly. "Have you said you're sorry."  
  
“Not in as many words," Jim shifts uncomfortably under Spocks' scrutiny. "But how could I? Then I’d have to explain the whole reason why it happened.”  
  
"And why shouldn't you? Do you not think he might be more forgiving? In fact, it might shift his anger altogether-- I would much rather him be angry with me than with you," Spock says, keeping his voice soft. "He already knows about me. He's already interacted with me, without tearing a hole in the fabric of spacetime. What is there to lose?"  
  
“Nothing really. But what if it doesn’t make any difference?” Jim asks.  
  
"Jim," Spock says, his voice kind and low. "If there is one thing I have learned in all my years traveling the universe, peering into alternate realities, it's that there is a bond between you and I in all forms. I do not believe that your universe is the exception. If it was, do you truly think that Spock would return to you after you acted that way? After losing his home and everyone he ever knew, after you made him break so he would be unfit for command, he came back to you. Why do you suppose he would do that if not out of respect and admiration? Why do you think he would stay?"  
  
“Uhura. She was stationed on the ship and that’s what she wanted. He never- there’s never been any indication he was there for me,” Jim says, his tone a mix of sad and resigned like he’s said this a thousand times before.  
  
"I see," Spock says, sounding almost amused by Jim's broken logic. "Correct me if I am wrong-- but did you not imply that they are no longer in a relationship?"  
  
“Yeah but they were together for three years, and that’s just what I know about it might have been longer. That’s a really long time. You and your Kirk were married after serving together for four years right?” Jim pushes back against Spock’s arguments. “What they had was serious. I don’t even really know why it ended.”  
  
Spock raises a brow, and then turns to continue kneading his dough, which has gone slack and soft since he stopped firming it up. "What do you know about how Vulcans select mates, Jim?" he asks, his voice casual and calm.  
  
“You get paired up as kids by your parents and formalize it as adults. If it doesn’t work out I assume then you go about it all very logically,” Jim says. He follows Spock’s lead and also returns to his dough.  
  
"Do you think Spock's parents selected Nyota for him?" Spock questions mildly, folding a bit more flour into the dough when it sticks to his fingers.  
  
Jim snorts. “No. They probably chose some Vulcan girl. I guess Spock is a little bit of a rebel huh?”  
  
"It would seem so," Spock says evenly. "If our worlds are at all similar, he was likely matched with a girl named T'Pring. She grew into a fine woman who would have made an auspicious match-- and yet he turned away from that in order to pursue someone else. Just as I did."  
  
"Not seeing what that has to do with me." Jim says. His dough is finally kneaded enough and he starts cutting it into sections to roll out into the pasta. "He chose someone else, so did you. You chose different someones though. Different paths."  
  
"Vulcans select their mates incredibly carefully," Spock says, following suit as he flattens out his dough with a rolling pin. "We are fastidious in those we choose, selecting based on a number of criteria, not the least of which is the other person's overall compatibility on a spiritual level. I am sure I do not need to be the one to tell you we are a highly cerebral race, motivated by decisions that make sense, derived from a core of logic and understanding. Vulcans do not sleep around, they do not date casually, and they do not break up."  
  
"Well....Spock did. He broke up with Uhura. Kind of broke her heart, from what she told me." Jim isn't looking at him when he speaks because obviously Spock knows a lot more about all this than he does. But he knows about his Spock and Uhura. He knows how things were for them and what they are now, or rather what they aren't. "And this still doesn't have anything to do with me. He didn't break up with her for me or anything."  
  
"Perhaps not," Spock says, pulling the pasta out again when he's cut out as many little circles as he can, flattening it back out for round two. "But he also did not leave. Perhaps it is a result of Vulcan possessiveness. We are a jealous race, as much as most of us would like to hide that from people like you, perhaps he is staying in an effort to win her back. But if he is the one who broke up with her... that theory falls apart, does it not? What other reason would he have to stay, I wonder."  
  
"Habit? Comfort? Loyalty? He's also damn good at his job. He's the best first officer in the fleet and the most brilliant science officer, he's exactly who the flagship of the Federation needs and exactly who I need at my side. He has to know that by now. Maybe that's enough." Jim says, portioning out his pasta. It isn't as uniform and neat as Spock's but it'll do. It'll all taste the same anyway.  
  
"Maybe that is enough," Spock echoes softly as they ladle their pasta into the boiling water.   
  
With nothing to do but wait, they turn back to the counter to start scraping up the flour-crusted mess they left on the counter. They both have flour on their faces and shirts as well, but the smell of freshly-made pasta fills the air and makes it all worth it.   
  
When the countertops are sparkling once more, Spock sets to chopping tomatoes while Jim browns replicated ground beef (never as good as the real stuff) in a pan. It's relaxing work, cooking together-- they move like they've been sharing a kitchen all their lives. While they work, that soft little candle glow of a link flickers at the back of Kirk's mind again, reminding him of the fact that he bonded with this man-- with _this man_ sharing the kitchen with him. Even if he hadn't strictly consented to it at the time, he doesn't regret the feeling for an instant.   
  
Focusing on the connection, Kirk can feel Spock's abiding, deep love for his husband, and for _him_, in a sense. What was it he'd said? Their _souls_ were compatible? He has vague, fuzzy sense-memories that were transferred to him from that old, old Spock in the cave years ago, memories of many long decades spent blissfully in love with _him_, memories of heart-wrenching anguish when he finally passed. The kind of love he was sure didn't really exist, but when he concentrates, he can feel it closing in on him with such suffocating intensity that his knees feel weak.   
  
"Jim?" Spock's warm hand rests against his back when he finds the younger man just standing at the stove, staring down into the pan of meat listlessly. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah I'm alright, it's just- you love him so much." Jim chokes out. He's crying, he hadn't even realized he had started to cry from the intensity of it all. It's love like he's never felt before, love he didn't know he could feel or that even could exist in the universe and here it is right in front of him, for him.  
  
Except not. Because this isn't his Spock and he isn't his Kirk and all that love he gets is because by some accident of birth he's a pale copy of the man Spock loves, and his own Spock doesn't feel the same. Might never. The tears starts to flow a little harder at that thought and he hastily wipes them away. It's useless to cry over something that doesn't exist. He hasn't lost something he simply never had it. He just gets to experience a little taste of it and maybe that will be enough.   
  
"It's funny, looking back now trying to remember what happened in that cave, when I met you, it's different now from how I remembered it before. Like, there's a new layer of memories on top of the old as if it happened twice." he says, trying to change the subject. "Giving me a headache."  
  
"I am not surprised," Spock says, offering Jim a towel to wipe his face on. "Time travel can have that effect on events. What do you remember?"  
  
Jim takes it and hastily wipes away the tears, making streaks in the flour on his face. "I remember you saying its nice to see me again. You weren't surprised Spock was captain in one set of memories, in the other you were."  
  
"That must be confusing," Spock says. "I can sympathize with your headache. Ever since your arrival my mind has been straining to attempt bridging the weak connection between us. The dull ache is present at all times. Has it been the same for you?"  
  
"Yeah. It's like something pulling at the back of my mind all the time. Reaching out to you I guess." Jim admits. "It sucks that it's hurting you though. You still can always break the link if you want I won't be offended."  
  
"Breaking it would be agony for us both," Spock says, shaking his head. "It is much more than simply closing a door. It would feel more like losing an arm or a leg and could create a great deal of existential dread for you. There is a reason that many Vulcans perish of a broken heart following the death of a bonded mate."  
  
"_You_ didn't. And I've got plenty of experience with existential dread," Jim says. "I'm not trying to force you or anything but if it gets too much or if the captain wants it gone it's fine. I get it, that's all I'm saying, and I'm okay with it."  
  
"All respect to my husband, he doesn't have the final say on what I do with my own mind," Spock says as he turns back to the cutting board to scrape the last of the chopped tomato into a bowl, to mash and season it properly. "I don't want to break the link."  
  
"Yeah alright. Whatever you say Spock," Kirk says, his tone light but with a clear tinge of disbelief, making it obvious he fully expects Spock to change his mind.  
  
Spock doesn't eat the pasta with him, preferring to avoid even replicated meat, and besides he claims that the experience of cooking with Jim was much more pleasurable than taking some of the food he knows Jim made just to avoid the replicator meals that Spock is more than used to. Kirk would say it was his loss-- but somehow, he knows that just the experience of being in the kitchen with him was enough for Spock. 


	7. Chapter 7

Technically, both Spock and Jim had been banned from the bridge. It would have been confusing, is what the captain said-- but Spock gets the idea that the rule was put in place to keep Kirk's counterpart from getting underfoot while he's trying to command (not that there's much to command when theyr'e sitting stationary in deep space) and he only applied the order to them both to make Jim more likely to behave.   
  
After all, Spock hasn't shown any signs of attempted or implied usurpation, and to have two highly intelligent vulcans on the bridge would only be a benefit, not a hinderance. But, in the off chance that Kirk does ask him to leave, he at least has an excuse to stay for a little while.   
  
"Captain," he greets from behind the captain's chair as he stands in the doorway of the turbolift, waiting to be given access to the bridge. "I apologize for breaking your request that I remain off the bridge, but as we have not yet been given communicators, or been given clearance to use the ship's communication systems, I thought you might not mind if I come to you with important information regarding the readings I recovered from the Romulan sensors."   
  
The entire bridge crew jumps to attention at the sudden intrusion, having been busy listlessly waiting for anything to happen. Sulu and Chekov were playing what looking like tic tac toe at the helm while keeping the ship from drifting too far out from their position and Uhura was catching up on some old reports from Starfleet. The sound of a voice with what appeared to be official business shocked them all out of their stupor and every head turned to look at him.  
  
Including Kirk’s as he swiveled around in his chair to take in the younger Spock standing in the doorway of the bridge. He’s silent for a moment before he smiles, deciding to allow this one breech of his only rule regarding the two copies. “You thought right Spock. We will give you access to the ships communications systems at least for intership communications. But since you’re here let’s hear what you’ve found.”  
  
"Thank you, sir," Spock says as he descends the ramp beside Kirk's chair. The other bridge crew are all staring at him as he approaches-- most of them have met or encountered or even befriended the other Jim, who has been making himself known all around the lower decks-- but the second Spock is still a mystery to most of them. They've been _aware_ of his presence, but he's been so hard at work in the science bay that most of them haven't even seen him, much less spent any time with him.   
  
Spock notes that the other Spock is absent from the bridge, something he wasn't expecting, but he chooses not to comment on it and instead uses the other Spock's station to pull up and access the files while Kirk gets out of his chair to join him.   
  
"According to what little information I could decode from the vessel's sensors, and data I was able to extrapolate from the ship's records, I was able to form a hypothesis on the matter of what brought us here. It is not the first time our world has encountered such a tear in the fabric between dimensions. Where we are from, the technology used in order to implement the matter successfully has not been invented yet. The damage that could be done to your dimension if this information is unlocked before the Vulcans come to the knowledge naturally, along with all the decision making that goes into such a process, could be disastrous."  
  
The crew turns to look at Kirk now, wondering what their captain is going to do with this information. Kirk himself looks pensive, his chin resting his his hand while he thinks over this new potentially galaxy threatening information.   
  
After a moment he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his communicator. “Commander Spock,” He says into the device. There’s a moment of silence that stretches on with no answer and he tries again, “Commander Spock?” Still no reply. His frown deepens. He knows Spock is perfectly fine, not in any trouble. He can feel him through their bond-- in fact he can feel a little _too much_ from him at the moment. All soft tender feelings and something a little more excited they’ll be talking about later that’s definitely not directed at him.   
  
Glaring at no one he snaps the communicator shut and shoves it away, turning his attention to the younger Spock. “Would you be able to recreate the black hole technology alone or with the help of your Kirk with minimal input from our scientists, leaving no information behind that would advance this knowledge before our time?”  
  
"I am not sure," Spock's brow furrows. "Technically the technology comes from _this_ timeline, more than a century from now. Our world was interrupted by it... I know that it requires a great deal of decalithium, which is a rare isotope that is only found in a few remote locations."  
  
Bending over the science station, Spock is able to quickly punch in a few digits before nodding, and turning the screen to face the captain. "The nearest known location where we could mine enough of the element is located here, in the Xoxa colony. However, this would put us in Cardassian space-- which is a race that is largely unknown to us both, as official first contact isn't going to be made until the early 24th century, a little over one hundred years from now."  
  
“Very useful, being able to look a hundred years into the future. Do you know if they’re hostile or not?” Kirk asks, looking into the screen offered him. He sees what Spock means about the mineral deposits, there’s a hefty amount to be mined but it’s well out of federation territory. Getting it would be extremely risky.  
  
"Very hostile," Spock says. "Very little is known about them. They are reptillian and militaristic, and that is the extent of the knowledge we have on them. A small amount of information was stripped from the vessel that came through the wormhole into our universe before the craft was destroyed, including only a few base-level schematics for how to manufacture the matter that enables inter-dimensional warp capabilities, but the bad news does not end with the Cardassians."  
  
He clasps his hands behind his back with a frown. "The matter that was created, was done so without the approval or permission of Starfleet. It is incredibly unstable, and the Federation eventually called for the end of experiments altogether when the level of danger was made apparent."   
  
"So what you're telling us Spock is we need to go into hostile territory, to collect a material that will allow us to create a highly dangerous illegal substance more than a century ahead of it's intended discovery? And if we do not take these risks then you and your Kirk will be trapped here, forever changing the timelines of both our worlds," the captain asks slowly. He can feel every eye on the bridge focused on him right now, burning into him while they wait for him to make a decision. It's not a new feeling, in fact it's fairly standard as captain, but its made a lot worse by the very personal nature of this 'mission' and the distracting feeling of his husband's soft, loving emotions at the back of his mind trying to divide his attention.  
  
"Unfortunately sir, that is exactly what I'm telling you," Spock nods solemnly. "It would be a massive undertaking, and a potentially world-altering one. If the risks outweigh the rewards, I recommend outfitting my captain and I with a small vessel in which we can complete the mission alone. I would not want to involve your crew in something they have not agreed to participate in."  
  
"And what are the chances you and your captain can complete this mission alone?" Kirk asks.  
  
"Given what limited information we have on Cardassian space, the dangerous properties of decalithium and the process that goes into mining the isotope, and the weapons array of a standard Starfleet shuttle from this century, I would calculate no more than 13% with a .05 margin of error, sir," Spock says evenly.   
  
Kirk sighs. "Not very good odds Mr. Spock. I'll have to run this by my own Commander Spock of course, get his opinion on the matter but for the moment, let's start charting a course for the nearest source of this decalithium. If we're doing this we're doing it together or not at all."  
  
"Yes sir," Spock nods, and then starts to make for the turbolift while Kirk returns to his chair, but he pauses at the doors. "Sir?"   
  
Waiting until the captain looks over his shoulder at him, he straightens up a bit. "Seeing as your first officer has not yet returned to the bridge, therefore nullifying any potential for confusion among the crew-- I request permission to stay on the bridge. At least for the time being. I could oversee the science station until his return."  
  
“You do make a logical argument Spock.” Kirk says with a little smile. “I suppose it can’t hurt to have an extra pair of hands around. Just until Commander Spock’s return of course.”  
  
He might have needed a little more convincing had he not been so preoccupied with everything going on, especially _where_ his Spock is at the moment. As it stands though Kirk can’t see the harm in letting his husband’s younger counterpart take his position on the bridge for a few hours at least.  
  
"Thank you, sir," Spock says as he takes his position by the science station, as Chekov and Sulu pinpoint their current location for later return, as well as finally, blissfully plotting a course to get them moving again. Kirk can practically hear applause across the ship as everyone from the bridge to the deepest recesses of engineering feels that subtle vertigo shift of the inertial dampeners kicking in when they engage warp one.   
  
Spock takes his place at the station to watch the readouts, keeping a careful eye on any spacial fluctuations around them while they leave the sector behind where he and his captain had come through the anomaly, standing at attention as if he'd been on this bridge all his life. Occasionally he can feel eyes glancing in his direction, and once in a while he catches the gaze of one of the bridge crew, who immediately glances away when they're caught staring.   
  
An hour passes, and the other Spock still hasn't returned. Everything is going according to protocol on the bridge, and even the excitement of finally moving again after sitting stationary for so long gives way back into the boredom and tedium of deep space travel.   
  
When Spock catches Chekov's eye again, his brow furrows, and the navigator quickly glances away, leaning over to murmur something to Sulu, who laughs under his breath.   
  
"If I am to be the butt of a joke, I would prefer at least to hear it," Spock says evenly, causing Chekov to snap upright.   
  
"Oh, no-- nothing like that, sir-- I was just saying that you really do look an awful lot like our Spock," Chekov bashfully covers. "Especially when you do that thing with your eyebrow."  
  
"What thing?" Spock asks, his brow quirking.  
  
“That thing,” Kirk says without even having to turn to see what Spock is doing. By now he can practically hear that raised eyebrow in his tone. “It’s not an insult Mr. Spock, far from it. Our first officer is a very handsome man which I’m sure is what Mr. Chekov was going to say next.”  
  
"I am neither concerned with nor insulted by positive or negative appraisal of my physical appearance," Spock says.   
  
"Sounds like him too," Chekov titters softly.   
  
"I am, however, fascinated by the variations in _your_ physical appearances," Spock continues. "Particularly yours, Commander Chekov. You are how old?"  
  
"Thirty-one, sir," Chekov says, suddenly feeling very put on the spot.   
  
"Thirty-one," Spock repeats. "Fascinating. Adjusting for the amount of time you have been on board this ship, that would have made you 21 when you were assigned to the Enterprise, are my mathematics correct?"  
  
"Yes sir," Chekov nods.   
  
"Hm. In my world, Chekov was 17," Spock says, and turns dismissively back to the science station with as much sass as a Vulcan can physically contain in a gesture. Sulu immediately starts to laugh. Chekov glares at him and Sulu quickly quiets down but can’t totally contain his giggling. Chekov looks both stricken and embarrassed, unused to being bested, even by himself.  
  
“It seems we’re all a bit younger in your universe Spock. A little too young maybe, for the positions we’ve been pushed in to. No offense to Mr. Chekov in either timeline but navigating the flagship of the federation seems like an awful lot of responsibility for a teenager.” Kirk says, swiveling in his chair so he can look at Spock a little better.  
  
"It is true, the crew were all cadets still in Starfleet, save for myself, when we were tasked with our maiden voyage-- a mission which was presumed to be routine," Spock says, leaning back against the console and folding his hands together in front of him. "Due to our exemplary combined performance, graduation was moved forward for all those who were on board the Enterprise at the time, and they were afforded the opportunity to return to duty on the very same ship-- an opportunity which many declined. Even the senior officers whom I count among my personal friends are all below the age of thirty."  
  
"_All_ of them?" Uhura suddenly speaks up from the other side of the bridge. "Your captain flies a ship full of _children?"_  
  
"We are hardly children," Spock answers calmly. "However-- yes. We do currently hold the record for youngest overall Starship crew to date."  
  
Uhura doesn’t look entirely convinced that they aren’t children but she doesn’t say anything more about it for the moment. Kirk on the other hand can’t seem to let it go. “I imagine Bones has his work cut out for him, trying to keep a bunch of green kids who’ve barely been out here before alive and well through everything we do. He’ll be going grey before he turns 40.”  
  
"_Green_, sir?" Spock raises a brow.  
  
“New, fresh, untested.” Kirk clarifies, clearing his throat. "I didn't mean green as in-- you _know_ what I meant."  
  
"We have been aboard the Enterprise for three years," Spock says, unphased by Kirk's assessment of his crew. "I assure you sir, we are far from inexperienced."  
  
“You’re not who I’m worried about Mr. Spock. Three years in will have made a difference, but that must have been one hell of a rocky start,” Kirk says, leaning on his elbow.   
  
"I would be happy to attest personally to the academic and experiential qualifications of my crewmates," Spock says with a quirk of his brow. "However, I doubt you would prefer to listen to an hour-long dissertation on the Enterprise crew you are already familiar with."  
  
"I wouldn't mind hearing you talk about me," Sulu grins.   
  
Spock glances at him, but continues unimpeded. "If you have any queries or concerns, I invite you to utilize direct language, sir," he says, those boiling black eyes that match Kirk's husband's leveled straight at him.  
  
They engage in a brief staring contest, a battle of wills, before Kirk breaks and looks away with a smile. He could never win against Spock in moments like these-- and it seems like this Spock is no different.   
  
“No I don’t think that will be necessary Mr. Spock," he chuckles. "At least not on the bridge. You’re clearly very loyal to your crew. That’s admirable and I respect that.”  
  
"You are correct, sir," Spock says, and turns back to his station. The other Spock's station, he reminds himself. No use in getting too familiar with this ship.   
  
Uhura watches him from across the bridge for some time with a curious little quirk to her lips. She's heard rumors, mutterings and whisperings around the ship from people who have overheard people who have overheard-- so on and so on. The layers, she has found, always obscure knowledge-- but when it comes to playing telephone, who better to trace information back to the source than a xenolinguistics expert?  
  
Standing up from her station during a lull in activity on the bridge, she winds over to lean her hip against Spock's station, and lowers her voice so that only people directly eavesdropping can hear her.   
  
"I heard a rumor," she murmurs. "That where you're from, you and my counterpart either are, or used to be a couple. Is that true, or are people spinning lies to entertain themselves?"   
  
Spock looks up at her for a moment, holding his eyes steady to her face. "It is true," he says evenly, and then looks back down at his station. "We were a couple."  
  
“For quite a while, isn’t that right?” She asks.  
  
In the captain’s chair Kirk turns his head just a little to better listen to them. It’s not right to eavesdrop he knows, and it's unbecoming of a captain to engage in gossip. So he won’t. He has no plans to repeat anything he hears but he can’t help that natural curiosity about his husband’s double.  
  
"Five years," Spock answers evenly, without looking up.  
  
"Now hold on," Uhura murmurs with a hint of amusement in her voice. "If you're from fifteen years ago according to this year's stardate, and you were on the ship for three years-- does that mean you started dating me when I was _eighteen?"_  
  
Spock simply clears his throat.  
  
“Aren’t you a _scoundrel_ Mr. Spock. I never would have suspected,” she teases, trying not to smile too broadly. “Wasn’t I just a cadet at the time? Barely even a recruit and in you come to sweep a girl off her feet.”  
  
"Technically it was _you_ who--" Spock clears his throat again. "_She_ did the sweeping."  
  
Uhura grins wider. “Is that so? Just couldn’t resist, Mr. Spock? What was it that caught your attention?”  
  
"Her intelligence," Spock says, straightening up once again to look at the other Uhura. She's significantly older than the one he left behind, but he recognizes the same little wrinkle in her eyes when she smiles.   
  
“Come now Spock, you can put it a little more poetically than that. You were with me, for five years you must have more to say about her than just ‘her intelligence’,” Uhura continues to tease.  
  
Spock shifts slightly, his jaw flexing. "I do not believe it would be appropriate to discuss it on the bridge," he says softly. "Vulcans do not openly discuss relationship affairs where others can listen in, and there are some subjects of my relationship with Lieutenant Uhura of which I am under oath not to divulge."  
  
"Oath? By who?" Uhura's brows raise.   
  
"By her," Spock answers.  
  
Kirk and Uhura are both intrigued by that, though Spock can only see it on Uhura’s face. “Aren’t you noble, keeping a lady’s secrets,” she says, pushing herself off his station. “Alright I won’t ask anymore, Spock. For _now_. Meet me later for drinks and we'll have a conversation.”  
  
Saved by the bell so to speak, the turbolift doors open just then, and the older Spock comes walking onto the bridge, dignified and upright as ever, though Kirk notices the faintest green flush high across the apples of his cheeks that makes his stomach twist with jealously so prominently that it causes the older Vulcan's eyebrow to quirk. Kirk can't very well demand of him then and there why he spent the better part of an hour feeling Spock's tender, gentle emotions feeding back through their bond, but he makes it clear in his expression that they'll be speaking later before Spock starts to head across the bridge to his station.   
  
Realizing that the time has come for him to depart, Spock resists the urge to speak out only as long as it takes for him to get to the lift doors, before he pauses and turns back to the captain.   
  
"If I am out of turn, sir, do not hesitate to tell me," he says. "But I would like to make an argument for my continued tenure on the bridge, even with the condition met of my counterpart's return." Ordinarily Kirk might have told him thanks but no thanks, considering his fear of having an encounter with his own double-- and perhaps it's petty, but he's _annoyed_ with his own Spock right now, so he nods. The younger Spock descends the ramp to stand in front of him, hands clasped behind his back. "Your reasoning for denying my captain access to the bridge is logical. As it is your ship, any potential challenge to your authority would be damaging to your abilities to govern your crew. However, in both yours and my timeline, I am nothing but a science officer.  
  
If myself or my counterpart were anyone else, we might not be able to coexist in the same space. However, jealousy, insecurity, and a sense of warped individuality are not qualities which would affect a Vulcan, even two versions of the same man. I believe that we could both remain on the bridge without any concern to the validity of your command."  
  
"His argument _is_ logical," the older Spock says with a nod.  
  
Kirk looks at his husband for a long moment withougt saying anything, keeping his face carefully neutral. Normally he’d take his advice right away, no need for further consideration on a matter like this. But he’s feeling a little petty and frustrated with the Vulcan so he says, “I will consider it Mr. Spock. If you return tomorrow during Alpha shift I will give you my answer then.”  
  
"Thank you, sir," the younger Spock says with a nod, and takes his leave through the turbolift, while Kirk adamantly avoids his husband's eye.


	8. Chapter 8

The best and worst part of having a Vulcan husband is that Kirk can't hide anything from him. When there's a problem, Spock always addresses it immediately-- which tends to mean that problems are resolved much more quickly with prompt communication. But it also robs Kirk of his very human need to just be _petty_ sometimes. Sometimes it's nice to feel chased after, groveled to. But he knows he can't expect either of those things from someone as logical as Spock.  
  
However, it still makes him prickle a bit when Spock enters their quarters that night and starts with a brisk, unbothered,  
  
"You are upset."  
  
“You don’t say,” Kirk retorts, stripping out of his shirt and sitting down on the bed to tug off his boots. He makes a point of not looking at Spock while he undresses. He can’t totally ignore him but he this is as close to petty as he can be.  
  
Spock doesn't approach all the way, stopping by their table in order to give Kirk his space. "May I ask why?"  
  
_You’re a smart, logical Vulcan, Commander. I’m sure you can figure it out,_ is what Kirk almost says. He stops himself because even _he_ isn’t that petulant. He isn’t a child, and they can work this out like adults.  
  
So he sighs and lets go of some of his frustration. “I could feel you earlier Spock. Feel everything you were feeling, for what I can only assume was my double-- if it wasn’t we have bigger problems.”  
  
A knowing expression crosses Spock's face, then. "Ah. Years later, it still occasionally slips my mind that you can feel everything the same as I can."  
  
He approaches the bed, and when Kirk doesn't lash out, he sits down beside his husband, putting a respectful distance between them for the sake of the human's comfort-- though Kirk can still feel the heat radiating off of him.  
  
"I spent some time with the other Jim today, you are correct," he says. "I found him in the kitchens. He was making pasta, and asked if I would like to assist."  
  
“He was making pasta? With what? What did that kid do to the replicators to get the ingredients for pasta?” Kirk asks, suddenly indignant over the thought that someone was messing with any aspect of his ship without his say so. It seems to dawn on him that this isn’t the right thing to worry about right now and he shakes his head, pushing the thought away. “Never mind we can address that later. What part of making pasta had you feeling so... engaged, Spock? I could feel that too. Something was feeling particularly enjoyable.”  
  
"You know my hands are tactile," Spock says, offering one of his hands out to Kirk palm-up, in case he wants to take it. "Kneading dough is somewhat of an experience for a Vulcan. However, that is not the majority of what you were feeling. Jim and I had a long conversation about many things this morning, including his relationship with his own Spock, his Spock's relationship with Lieutenant Uhura, and my relationship with you."  
  
"Our relationship? What about our relationship?" Kirk asks. He hesitates only a fraction of a second before he does take Spock's hand, lacing their fingers together and feeling the Spock's pleasure and the feedback loop of Spock feeling his own love for him through their touch along the bond, as strong as ever. "I told you Spock, it isn't your job to take care of him Spock, or fix things between him and his Spock if they even can be fixed."  
  
"I know that it is not my job," Spock says. "I did not talk with him out of a sense of duty or obligation. I did it because I wanted to."  
  
"I know you have a soft spot for him. And I can understand that. I have a soft spot for your double too," Kirk says, leaning against Spock. "But don't coddle him too much."  
  
"Why?" Spock looks down at the other man. "Are you still worried that I will disregard a decade of our relationship in favor of a boy I hardly know?"  
  
"No. I was never really worried about that, I know you love me. It was an unpleasant thought but I can feel how devoted you are Spock, I have no doubts about you, none that can last more than a few minutes," Kirk assures him. "But I don't want him to hurt you."  
  
Spock turns his head to nuzzle his nose behind his husband's ear, tracing the line of his hairline. "Jim," he murmurs, squeezing his hand in Kirk's. "I asked him why he hurt his own Spock-- it was my fault. One hundred years from now, I will ask him to forcefully remove my counterpart from the captaincy in order for him to take control of the Enterprise. Following the inevitable destruction of Vulcan I will be too emotionally compromised to lead efficiently, and in taking command, Jim will save Earth from the same fate. _I_ told him to assassinate his Spock's character-- I believe you should be more concerned that _I_ will hurt _him_."  
  
Kirk is silent for a long time while he processes that. If Spock told him to attack his own Spock in that way, to save the Earth, then the younger Jim's actions are justified even if it doesn't alleviate the hurt he's caused his own Spock. He still hasn't righted the wrong he did in hurting Spock. But his actions were not malicious, which certainly makes things a little easier to understand.  
  
"I still can't imagine being the sort of person who would think to say those things," Kirk says. "But perhaps you're right, and the damage done to their friendship is not entirely on his shoulders."  
  
"Evidently his Spock did attempt to kill him on the bridge," Spock almost smiles, resting his head against Kirk's, and he turns his husband's hand palm-up in order to trace his thumb against his palm. "So he considers them to be 'even.' However, he has yet to verbally apologize for what he said-- something I encouraged him to do. I do not know if he actually will."  
  
"I have my doubts." Kirk says stiffly. "He doesn't seem the type to admit when he's wrong about anything. What did you an him talk about about our relationship?"  
  
"He started to cry after we had been silent for a time, and when I asked him what had happened, he informed me he'd looked through the bond he and I share, and encountered my feelings for you. He was so overwhelmed by the emotion that he wept."  
  
"Oh," Kirk shifts a little uncomfortably. "That's-- almost sweet. I think. He shouldn't be prying without your permission of course but, it is nice to know you love me enough to reduce a man to tears."  
  
"I do not believe he understands the etiquette of sharing a bond with a Vulcan," Spock says, lightly tracing his fingertips over the lines in Kirk's hand. "And I would not condemn him for it. The bond I share with him is already so strained and faint that it takes a great deal of concentration and effort to feel anything from it at all."  
  
"But you're determined to. To get all you can out of it while he's here, aren't you Spock?" Kirk sighs. He closes his hand around Spock's fingers, catching them in his and giving his hand a light squeeze. "You have to be careful not to make this any harder on yourself than it has to be. I know you'll say you're a Vulcan and can compartmentalize but you will miss him when he's gone home."  
  
"I will miss him," Spock doesn't bother trying to hide it. Even if Kirk didn't have the ability to sense when he's lying about his feelings, he wouldn't want to lie to him. "As you will miss the other Spock."  
  
"Yes I will. I like having a little version of you around, even if he does have a bit of a temper," Kirk's lips quirk up into a small smile. "He tries but his human side bleeds through in ways yours doesn't. Little flashes of indignation. You should have heard him defending his crew before."  
  
"He _is_ a child, after all," Spock says, nudging his husband with his shoulder until he coaxes him to lay flat on his back on the bed. Leaning out on his hip over the smaller man, he props himself on his elbows on either side of Kirk's head, and peppers little nuzzling kisses over his cheeks and neck. "However, as much as we will miss them-- as much as I will miss him-- I will forever have you. I will not lose a thing."  
  
"You old sap. I love you too," Kirk says, his smile growing wider. He lets Spock kiss him for a few seconds longer before gently nudging him off him before things can progress beyond the point where he's able to think clearly. "Not right now Spock. Not while he's still in your head."  
  
"I know," Spock says, leaning back up. "You do not want to share. I do not blame you. I, too, feel a sense of possessiveness when it comes to you. I will not let anyone else have you-- not even your own double."  
  
Kirk grins and leans up enough to kiss Spock on the lips. "Let's hurry up and get them out of here then alright? I'm not sure how much longer I can take this."  
  
In part, Spock is glad that Kirk has not wanted to be sexually active since the arrival of their doubles. The growing headache over his strained bond with the younger Jim has been taking a great deal of his concentration just to tolerate, as it is. As he curls up behind Jim to go to sleep, he focuses instead on pouring all the love he feels into his bond with his husband, to lull them both to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

After eating his pasta, Jim spent the rest of alpha shift hiding in various jefferies tubes around the ship, particularly the narrowest and most out of the way, working on small repairs and calibrations no one even knew they needed yet while he thought over what he was going to say to his Spock. His cooking adventure with the older Vulcan had made it clear that to set things right with his first officer he had to start by clearing the air from their first meeting. It was only from there they could move on and begin building the friendship, and maybe more, that the other versions of themselves have.  
  
Which he wants. The more Jim thinks about it the more he realizes how desperately he wants that sort of devotion in his life. Feeling what Spock feels for his double, what his Spock could maybe, just maybe, feel for him, had reduced him to tears and even remembering it hours later causes a few drops to trickle down his cheeks before he can blink them away. If there’s so much as the slightest chance they could have that too, he owes it to them both to give them a chance at that sort of happiness.  
  
Emboldened by this thought and Spock’s assurances that he is not entirely to blame for that had happened between himself and the younger Vulcan Jim had shimmied his way out of the Jefferies tube, gone back to his quarters for a quick shower, and set off in search of his Spock, a speech prepared. He found him down in the labs, exactly where he expected to find him, pouring over read outs on a computer. He takes a moment to watch him, smiling a little before he gathers himself and clears his throat to announce his presence. “Spock? Do you have a minute?”  
  
"I do," Spock looks up at his captain with a neutral expression. "I finished decoding the Romulan cipher this morning, and have stripped a great deal of information from its sensors. We are now on course to the nearest planet containing the material we need in order to replicate the wormhole that brought us here in the same location, to take us home."  
  
"Oh." Jim is immediately thrown off his rhythm by the unexpected news. "That's awesome Spock, great job, always knew you could crack it. How'd you get course changed already? Did you talk to the other Kirk?"  
  
"I did," Spock says. "Our plans as of yet are unknown, but we are headed in the correct direction. In order to land on the planet, much less mine the necessary isotope, we will have to make first contact with a race that according to the records on board the ship from this timeline's future, will be roughly a century ahead of schedule. I will need to speak with the engineers shortly in order to set them to work on the device capable of minine the isotope, furthermore refining it into what we need, without giving them any information on what they are creating or how it even goes together. It will be challenging, but necessary to avoid the risk of this technology falling into inexperienced hands."  
  
"Right, yeah that all sounds great. You told him before you told me?" Jim clarifies. The apology he had planned is quickly slipping away from him in the face of his anger. "You told my double before you told me that you had worked out how to get us home and you were going to tell the engineers too, if I hadn't come in here, right? Were you planning on telling me at all?"  
  
"You were next on the list after the engineers," Spock says coolly, turning back to his work.  
  
"Don't turn around while I'm speaking to you, Commander!" Jim orders, his captain's tone coming out in full force without him really intending it to.  
  
The other science officers glance up in surprise at the sudden sharpness of Jim's tone, but Spock finishes whatever calculation he was working on before glancing up, accustomed to his commanding officer's moods.  
  
"My apologies, Captain," he says evenly.  
  
Jim sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He forces his shoulders to relax and takes a breath to try to let this go, to get his plan back on track, but first he has to know. "Why did you go to him before me, Spock?"  
  
"He is the captain of this ship," Spock says, as if he'd already prepared his argument ahead of time. "While on board this vessel, neither you nor I have any powers of command. We are no more powerful in this ship's heirarchy and command no more respect or authority than commonplace passengers. He is the one who could order a course to be plotted, and his engineers answer to him, not to you. To bring this information to you first when you have no power on this ship to implement any of the information would have been an unnecessary redundancy."  
  
"Okay. Okay fine, that's....logical. I understand that. But you should have told me right after, Spock. I mean, goddamn don't you think I'd like to know that we're going to get to go home?" He shakes his head but waves his own question away before Spock can answer. "Just-- next time you make a big discovery like this, if I can't do anything about it but it's going to affect my life, I'd like to be second in line to know, alright? As a friend can you agree to that?"  
  
Spock searches Kirk's face for a moment with his brows set low over his eyes, and for a moment it seems like he's going to say something petty like 'fine' but instead he simply nods. "Understood, captain. I did not have intentions to injure you. As I said we have no official plan yet, and I assumed you would be included in any official decision-making process when it came time to decide how we would go about mining the decalithium."  
  
"Thanks Spock. But I'd rather hear about it from you than hope to be let in by him." Jim says with a jerk of his head upwards towards the bridge to indicate his double. "Anyway, this isn't what I came here to talk about, as great as it is. And it is great news Spock, you did awesome work, I never doubted you for a second."  
  
"Thank you, sir," Spock says, already sensing a great deal of increased awkwardness from his captain, piling on the praise as he is.  
  
Jim tries to remember what he had planned the say, the apology he had carefully thought out, but everything that's coming to mind now sounds trite and pointless. "Do you want to take a walk?" He asks instead. "It's a little stuffy in this lab."  
  
"No thank you," Spock says flatly. With how strange Jim has been acting the last couple of days, he gets the sense that any time spent alone with him could potentially lead to disaster on more than one front. Despite the other science officers glancing over out of curiosity, listening in to their conversation, he still prefers the eavesdroppers to fighting with his captain. "I prefer the warmth."  
  
“This is kind of a private conversation Spock,” Jim says, glancing around at all the other scientists in the room not even bothering to hide their eavesdropping. He’s really just stalling himself but this isn’t a conversation meant for an audience when it comes down to it.  
  
Spock can see how desperate Jim is to get him alone. Logic has always been the driving force for his decision making process, but once in a while his human intuition rears up and forces him to take notice. He doesn't often rely on his feelings, but just this once, he has a feeling that if he took Jim up on his desperate plea to get him alone, something big would happen.  
  
"So lower your voice," he says, realizing as he says it how cold he sounds, but whatever this feeling in his chest is, it's too big not to listen to.  
  
Jim almost flinches away from the coldness in Spock’s voice. He thinks of their doubles for just a second, how the other Spock wouldn’t hesitate to follow his Kirk anywhere especially on the enterprise. But he hasn’t earned that kind of trust with Spock, that’s sort of what this whole thing was about in the first place after all. So he tries to put aside that hurt for a moment and focus instead on what he has to do.  
  
“Fine,” He says quietly. “Look, Spock, there’s something’s we need to talk about that we’ve needed to talk about for about for a while. And this isn’t easy for me alright? So try to be patient with me.”  
  
He at least seems to have Spock's undivided attention for now, the Vulcan facing him with his hands in his lap. But still, it's hard for him to gather his thoughts while looking into those focused black eyes.  
  
The doors open behind them, and Jim looks back over his shoulder to see Uhura sticking her head into the science lab, and she smiles at the sight of Spock. "Hey, you," she says from the doorway. "Drinks, remember? I'm going to rec room C1."  
  
"You go ahead. I will meet you there in a few minutes," Spock gives her a nod and she disappears back through the doors, the vulcan's attention returning to his captain.  
  
And the last threads of Jim’s frayed patience snaps. He watches her leave and looks back over at Spock in utter disbelief. “Drinks? With Uhura? Seriously Spock?”  
  
"Yes," Spock says evenly. "Is that a problem, sir?"  
  
“You don’t think so? What, you dump one Uhura and then as soon as another comes along you chase after her too?” Jim accuses, his voice getting a little louder. “You don’t think that’s kind of fucked up?”  
  
Spock's brows furrow slightly. "I am not chasing after anyone, captain. She invited me."  
  
Jim shakes his head. “You can’t date Uhura’s double Spock. If you’re not over her, which I had suspected anyway, talk to her. But this isn’t the way to do this man it’s not right.”  
  
Spock's jaw flexes, and it looks like he wants to say _some_ kind of something as he levels his eyeline with Kirk's, but all he grits out is, "With all due respect, sir, I do not think _you_ are the most qualified person when it comes to giving relationship advice."  
  
It’s like a slap to the face. Jim has put most of his promiscuous ways behind him when he became captain, and even then Spock didn’t know shit about what was really going on. His jaw tightens and he stares the Vulcan down as his anger surges and he says the first thing that comes to mind.  
  
“That's your idea of _due respect?_ I’ll remind you of the two of us, I’m the one who is actually bonded, Spock.” He turns on his heel and starts to walk away, tossing over his shoulder, “Enjoy your _date_,” before the doors close behind him.  
  
Once he's in the hall, he's struck with how bitter it feels that this just keeps happening. He came here to try apologizing to Spock, and it turned into this. It always seems to turn into this. He's reminded all over again of how deeply this world's Spock and Kirk are in love, a drastic contrast to how things are with his own Spock. It feels like an impossible gap to bridge, and it burns heavy in his chest. He starts to walk without paying attention to where he's going-- as long as it's anywhere but rec room C1, it'll be fine.  
  
Spock on the other hand, makes a straight line for the rec room, practically leaving a trail of fire behind him. Fury burns in his black eyes, but apart from that he's as calm and collected as anyone's ever seen him. He walks into the communal space with his hands behind his back, and locks eyes with Uhura from across the room as she waves him over.  
  
She's spent several years with her own Spock, at this point. Even after that first, historic five-year mission, when they'd all been signed on for another tour. She knows a twitch in the vulcan's brow when she sees one, and as he sits at the table with her, she's already smiling knowingly.  
  
"You look like you're ready to twist the head off someone's doll," she says.  
  
"In order to do that, I would have to lose control of myself," Spock says evenly. "And a vulcan does not lose control of himself. However... you are not entirely far from the mark."  
  
Uhura gestures to the seat across from him and pours a cup of replicated tea from the steaming pot she has ready in front of her. She had guessed at his favorite based on what she knows her own universe's Spock likes, knowledge gained from years of friendship and musical rehearsals where she sang along to his Vulcan lyre and he taught her old Vulcan poems from the days before Surak's teachings.  
  
"Tell me about it," She says, passing him the cup.  
  
"My... captain," Spock says, grasping the cup in both hands and fidgeting with the rim, tracing it soothingly with his thumb. "He has been intolerably hostile for some time now. He approached me in the science lab and criticized me for making the logical decision to speak with command before him on a matter he had no power to control, and then assaulted my character for spending my personal free time with whomever I choose."  
  
"Did he?" Uhura says, resting her cheek on her hand. The look she gives Spock is somewhat amused, somewhat indulgent, like she knows something he doesn't that should be fairly obvious.  
  
"He thinks that I have ulterior motives," Spock says evenly, staring down into his tea. "He believes I am attempting to seduce you."  
  
She chuckles. "You aren't are you? Because Mr. Scott will have something to say about that."  
  
Spock's brows furrow for a moment, as if she's said something confusing, but then he simply shakes his head. "No, I am not."  
  
"Good." She smiles. "Now, tell me more about the Uhura from your world. I know you said you were keeping secrets for her, but she didn't say you had to keep them from her right? And in a sense I am her."  
  
Spock raises his cup for a sip, mulling over the information. "That sounds like a loophole she did not think to consider," he says, with just the smallest of smirks. "However, you are correct. She did not think to tell me to keep the information from parallel-dimension doubles of herself. Technically her exact words were to 'not tell anyone in the universe.' Simply by being here I am already outside of the universe."  
  
His amusement falters then as he stares down into his tea. "She is the most impressive woman I have ever known."  
  
"Thank you," Uhura teases, trying to lighten his mood. Her smile fades a little when she realizes he isn't going to take the bait and return her smile with his little pseudo-smirk again. "What happened between you two?"  
  
"Though I may not be in her universe any longer, I still feel as though I am not at liberty to say," Spock says, taking another sip of his drink. "I... loved her. A part of me still loves her, though I make an effort to eliminate those feelings every time I see her. I do not want to break her trust by sharing elements of our relationship without her permission."  
  
Glancing up at Uhura again, he feels a queasy pulse in his chest. It shouldn't surprise him, how much she reminds him of his own Nyota-- but somehow it does. He exhales slowly through his nose and shakes his head.  
  
"She has also pursued a relationship with Mr. Scott, in my world," he continues, his voice soft. Nobody is nearby, but he still wants to be respectful.  
  
Understanding dawns on Uhura's face and she takes a moment to sip her own tea. It's a surprise and not a surprise at the same time, that in another universe her and Montgomery would find each other again. It's sweet in a way, she'll have to tell him privately once these two are gone and there's no risk of it getting back to the Kirk double.  
  
"I had heard you broke up with her. Is that the secret you're keeping? She doesn't want anyone to know yet?"  
  
"No, her relationship with Mr. Scott is known," Spock says. "The captain is... angry with me, for ending my relationship with her. He thinks that I have caused her unnecessary grief. I am not confident he is wrong."  
  
"Is that what he says," Uhura says, more to herself than to Spock while she sips her tea again. "Does your Uhura seem unhappy with her relationship? Do you think you caused her grief?"  
  
"She is not unhappy," Spock says. "Mr. Scott has received some amount of ridicule as a 'rebound' but I believe Nyota is happy. My friendship with her is maintained, however as her friend as well, the captain has taken it upon himself to 'take sides' on the matter. He is angry with me for hurting her."  
  
"Which you didn't, it sounds like. She moved on to a new relationship. And if your Scotty is anything like ours, a very happy and fulfilling relationship. No offense meant of course," She assures him. "Your captain might just be looking for an excuse to be unhappy about your break up."  
  
Brow furrowed, Spock looks down into his tea for a long, hard moment. It looks like he's struggling with something, like he wants desperately to say something, but he breathes a long sigh out through his nose, and shakes his head as he takes another sip.  
  
"No. I did hurt her. A vulcan knows when to admit his mistakes. I am... relieved she has chosen to pursue Mr. Scott. She deserves a relationship in which she can be happy," he says, his tone robotic and stiff.  
  
Uhura sighs and gives a little shake of her head. "Different universe, same stubborn Vulcan logic. If that's what you want to believe Mr. Spock I won't try to stop you. But if your Nyota is like me than she's smart enough to know what she wants and when it's bad for her. She wouldn't have let you hurt her too much, and she will be happy."  
  
She refills her tea cup and takes another sip. "The Chekov and Sulu in your world, what are they like?"  
  
"They are highly competent officers in their respective fields. Commander Chekov is somewhat of a darling on the bridge," Spock says, grateful for the change in subject. "They are often referred to as a 'power couple."  
  
"Couple?" Uhura's brows raise. "Interesting. Chekov and Sulu are a couple here, as well. How curious, that pairs seem to fall in line with one another even across universes. Chekov and Sulu, myself and Mr. Scott... I wonder why the same isn't true of you and the captain?"  
  
Spock chokes on his tea. Uhura can't help but laugh.


	10. Chapter 10

Honestly, it hadn't been much of a debate for Kirk, whether to allow the younger Spock to remain on the bridge. It's true, the reason he'd laid that rule down in the first place was to prevent his own counterpart from getting uppity towards him about being the only one banned from the command deck, but the pair of them have been here for a little over two weeks without incident. Even if Spock's argument hadn't been so logical, Kirk probably would have let him stick around.  
  
Deep space travel isn't particularly exciting, anyway, and it's nice to look over every once in a while and see two Spocks, identical in nearly every way save for age, engaged in some sort of hushed, heated discussion over decalithium or Vulcan politics. Kirk can't help but feel a surge of guilt over the fact that he's been so concerned over Spock growing close with his double, meanwhile he's scoping out his own husband's counterpart-- but at the very least Spock doesn't seem concerned by it at all.  
  
Spock spends alpha shift on the bridge with Kirk and the older Spock, feeling more at peace than he has since they arrived. The bridge is where he belongs-- and though he occasionally feels a pinch of guilt over the fact that he's on the bridge when he knows his own captain can't be, he's aware that his reasoning is logical, and he dismisses the feelings.  
  
The bridge is endlessly amused over the double Spocks, who often will speak in perfect unison without meaning to, muttering 'fascinating' at the same time, or tilting their heads curiously at the same angle in sync with one another, or when someone calls out to one of them, and they both turn to face the person addressing them together. It never fails to get an eye-crinkling smile out of Kirk every single time.  
  
Working with the two Spock’s is a lot of fun for Kirk. It’s amusing watching the two of them move in synch, listening to them finish each others leaps of logic faster than anyone else can keep up with and try to out think each other. They usually come to the same logical conclusion to an answer but the real fun begins when they get there in entirely different ways and the differences between their two universes start to show.  
  
It might be fun to keep the younger Spock, Kirk thinks sometimes. Let Spock have a friend like himself. It’s not as if he’d be taking the other Kirk’s bondmate or anything. But he can’t deprive the other Starfleet of their star first officer so he keeps that thought to himself, though every now and then when he thinks about it his Spock will look over at him and raise an eyebrow.  
  
This goes on for a few days until they reach the edge of Federation space. The shift of attitudes on the bridge is palpable when they reach the neutral zone as apprehensions rise over the possibility of attack. And, for the first time, the Spocks seem to genuinely disagree on something.  
  
"Raising our shields prematurely could be seen as an act of aggression," the older Spock shakes his head. "The neutral zone is _neutral_."  
  
"And you think the Romulans will respect that?" the younger Spock challenges.  
  
"If we do not outwardly display offensive behavior--" the elder starts, but the younger cuts him off.  
  
"Then they have the opportunity to gain the upperhand and fire before our shields are up," he says, brows furrowed. "Romulans are absolutely not to be trusted. To give them the benefit of the doubt is as good as painting a target on our hull."  
  
"And to insight war jeopardizes the whole Federation," Kirk interrupts. "The question is do we take the risk of the crew or our reputations, and I'd rather take the risk of being made an example of to appease the Romulans than have a war started over our bodies. Commander normally I would trust your judgement implicitly but we have what appears to be stolen Romulan technology onboard this vessel, if they scan us and find that, that's offensive enough."  
  
"Perhaps we should eject the romulan vessel from one of our bays," the older Spock offers.  
  
"Only as a last resort," Spock says, shaking his head. "My captain and I will have to pilot something in order to return through the wormhole to our dimension, and if we do not have the romulan shuttle, we will have no choice but to use one of yours. It will raise many questions if we return in an Enterprise shuttle after leaving a romulan ship, especially an Enterprise shuttle that does not quite match our own ship's."  
  
"We're keeping the vessel and raising the shields. With any luck, it won't matter and we'll at best get in trouble for being overly cautious. If that's the worst thing that comes out of this, I can live with it." Kirk says sharply. "There will be no more debate Commander Spock, I've made my decision and it's to protect this ship and her crew. That's final."  
  
"Understood, Captain," the older Spock nods, all argument completely forgotten. The younger Spock looks between the two of them curiously.  
  
"Shields up," Sulu announces.  
  
"Take us through the neutral zone. Warp five, Mr. Sulu," Kirk nods, and Sulu acknowledges with a short 'aye' before the ship zings forward through the stars. Looking up from his station, Kirk finds the younger Spock staring at him with a curious tilt to his head. His own husband has turned back to his station, but the younger vulcan is looking at him with such little shame that he doesn't even look away when he's caught staring.  
  
"Something on my face Mr. Spock?" Kirk asks, addressing the younger Vulcan. He's been careful with his titles unlike everyone else on the bridge to avoid getting the two mixed up, even if his bond with the older Spock would make it clear when he is or isn't the one being addressed.  
  
"No, sir," the young vulcan shakes his head. It seems like he wants to say something else, but he turns back to his shared station a moment later. He glances again back over his shoulder at Kirk, but still says nothing. Kirk isn't sure how to feel about the younger vulcan scrutinizing him, but he knows it doesn't feel _bad_.  
  
The atmosphere on the bridge is tense, as they warp through the neutral zone. It'll take them a few days to make it out the other side, days that will be spent in apprehensive contemplation, eyes fixated to their posts.  
  
The first day is uneventful, as is the second. Two alpha shifts pass without interruption. There are no signs of romulan vessels in their path, though if they were cloaked, they would have no way of knowing whether they were there or not. If there are any cloaked warbirds within sensor range of the Enterprise, they at least choose not to intercept.  
  
It's the middle of the night when Kirk is rudely awoken from his sleep by a yellow alert, and a chirp on the ship's comm from the night shift communications officer.  
  
"Captain-- I'm sorry to disturb you. We're being hailed by a romulan ship. Lieutenant Porter took us out of warp, we're waiting on your word."  
  
Spock looks down at his husband as they sit up in bed, rubbing Kirk's bare back. It's been a rough couple of days, sleep has not come easily or kindly for the human. It never does, in the neutral zone.  
  
Kirk steals a quick Vulcan kiss from Spock before he answers the comm, a terse, "I'll be right there lieutenant" and rolls out of bed. The actions provides him with a small measure of comfort and, he hopes, reassures Spock that he'll be fine. This is his duty as captain after all and he is more than up for the task.  
  
He pulls on a shirt and his boots and within minutes is stepping out of the lift onto the bridge, striding purposefully forward into the recently vacated captain's chair, taking his seat. He barely glances over at the officer manning the communications station before he tells him to open up the channel the Romulan ship is hailing them on, he's ready to speak with them.  
  
As the officer patches through the Romulans, struggling a bit with the interference that the ship's cloaking field causes, the turbolift doors open again and Kirk looks back over his shoulder to see the younger Spock approaching.  
  
"I hope it is alright that I've come, sir," he says, keeping his words short and his voice low. "I was already awake when I heard what was occurring."  
  
Kirk doesn't have much time to argue with it as Spock takes up a position beside his chair, and the window in front of them blinks to the vision of a romulan captain sitting sternly in his own chair.  
  
"Enterprise," the romulan sneers. "I am captain Telius of the D'Valmair. What are you doing in our neutral zone?"  
  
"Captain Telius, I am Captain James Kirk. The Enterprise is currently doing a routine patrol of the neutral zone, but due to a lightning storm our navigation equipment requires recalibration. We were headed towards what we thought was a source of supplies needed to make the necessary repairs, we were unaware we had gotten so off course and ended up in Romulan territory," Kirk lies casually, his face a careful mask of calm with a pleasant and charming smile spread across his lips. "I assure you we do not come bearing any hostile intentions towards you or the Romulans at all."  
  
"If your presence here is an accident, then surely you won't mind if we escort you back out of the neutral zone," Telius narrows his eyes suspiciously at Kirk.  
  
"Under normal circumstances I would agree to that wholeheartedly," Kirk assures him, not giving an inch. "But we desperately need to make our repairs or who knows where we might end up next. If we could be allowed to pass to collect the necessary supplies, then you could escort us out of the neutral zone after, I think that would be a fair compromise."  
  
"You think that giving you _free reign_ to travel about wherever you please in the neutral zone is a _compromise?"_ Telius sits forward in his chair, raising his voice.  
  
"Of course not, allowing you to escort us back out is the compromise. For the good of my ship I simply have to insist that we be allowed to collect our supplies, captain."  
  
Telius looks like he's about to start into another rant, but he's cut off a moment later by his own first officer leaning down to whisper in the captain's ear. Spock takes the opportunity to do the exact same thing.  
  
"I took the liberty a few hours ago of requesting the beta shift engineers to work on reverse-engineering a cloaking field for the romulan shuttle," he murmurs. "I do not know if they have accomplished the task by now. I would recommend avoiding a confrontation with this captain if at all possible. I assume you do not wish to fire first, but if it comes to it, it may be wise to allow them to escort us and then fire when they least expect it."  
  
"Mr. Spock, it was one thing to raise my shields. I am not going to commit an act of war by firing on another ship unprovoked in neutral space." Kirk hisses back, a hint of anger in his voice at the mere suggestion of such a thing.  
  
"Strange that it's an act of war when we attack first, but if they attack it is simply the expectations of romulans," Spock argues back in a hushed voice.  
  
"We're the bigger men here Spock. I'm not going to give them any ammunition, in any sense of the word." Kirk responds. "If you don't like it you can get off my bridge."  
  
"Captain!" Telius suddenly shouts, breaking the two out of their dialogue. "My engineers are willing to assist you in your ship's repairs, if you would allow us to scan your vessel to identify the damage, and beam over."  
  
Spock's entire body bristles at the thought, but he grits his teeth. In his world, the romulan threat is sincere and dangerous-- but he has to allow the captain to make choices on his own ship, regardless of whether he, an outsider, agrees with them or not.  
  
Kirk struggles not to curse. His ruse bought them time but not enough. "I'll need to confer with my first officer and head of security but I'm sure we can work something out," He says, his voice a little strained but not letting it show on his face or in his eyes.  
  
He doesn't give the Romulans time to answer, giving the communications officer the sign to cut to transmission. "Prepare for evasive action and brace for impact if they choose to attack." He orders the pilot and the rest of the bridge crew while he stands up from his chair. "Wake commander Spock I want him up here in two minutes and Scotty too."  
  
"I am already here, captain," Spock's voice comes from behind him, and he turns to see the older Vulcan stepping out onto the bridge. "I could sense your distress. I came as quickly as I could."  
  
"Aye sir," the communications officer nods, turning back to her station, but she squints a moment later and looks back up. "Captain-- they're hailing someone else. I can't tell who, but chances are they're calling for reinforcements."  
  
"This could very quickly spiral out of hand," the younger Spock frowns out the front window at the romulan vessel in the distance. "Our chances of surviving combat with a romulan warbird drops exponentially with each additional ship that could respond to their hail."  
  
"You said we had a potential cloaking device right? Will it work if we're in warp?" Kirk asks the younger Spock.  
  
"If engineering has managed to bring it online, it will cloak the romulan shuttle no matter how quickly we are moving, sir," Spock nods. "However, if we go to warp, I estimate it will take the romulan ship no more than 30 seconds to give chase and fire on us."  
  
"His estimations are correct," the older Spock confirms. "There is a 91% chance other romulan vessels will respond to the hail and engage in sustained combat alongside the D'Valmair if they fire on us."  
  
"Then I suggest we make the damage to our ship look convincing and get that cloaking device online so we can let them scan our ship. I suspect they'll want to run continuous scans while we travel to get our supplies, if we are allowed to continue through the neutral zone at all." Kirk says. He looks at the other Spock for a long moment and then asks, "My double is good with computers, isn't he? Could he make the damage look convincing?"  
  
"It is theoretically possible," the younger Spock says. "However we are unfamiliar with your technology, as it is more advanced than ours by over a decade. We may have a greater chance at success by actually damaging the ship in ways we are capable of repairing once we are out of the neutral zone."  
  
"Unfortunately, chances are high the romulans will want us to return the direction we came from," adds the older Spock. "Their suspicion will grow if they follow us to the supply location, only to find that it is within Cardassian space."  
  
"It may become a matter of when we fight them, rather than if," the younger Spock concurs. "If I may make a suggestion, sir?"  
  
"Yes Mr. Spock," Kirk allows.  
  
"Combat is unavoidable in this situation. However if it is war you wish to avoid, you need them to fire first, so the self defense clause can apply," the young vulcan says, and the captain nods along. "Tell them you are going to beam over your first officer in your stead, to discuss repair protocols and navigation. It is reasonable to assume they will have already researched your ship and crew, and come to find a vulcan acting as your first officer. Commander Spock did not report to the bridge until after the communication frequency was dropped, and throughout the hail I was observed at your side.  
  
I recommend you allow me to beam over with a portable transporter unit in order to bypass the transporter records. I will be able to incite an attack from the other ship, and in the event that the romulans are able to recover a report as to what happened, they will claim that First Officer Spock beamed over to their ship-- however your ship will contain video records of Spock remaining on the bridge when the attack took place. I am effectively invisible to Starfleet records. I do not exist. Therefore the report will be deemed an attempt to initiate warfare, and it will be dismissed by Starfleet Command."  
  
It’s a good plan, a logical plan, that would minimize casualties to Kirk’s crew and damage to his and the federations reputation. And he _hates_ it.  
  
“I’m not letting you beam over there alone Spock. Whatever you say that’s a suicide mission and I won’t have it,” he responds angrily.  
  
"With a portable transporter unit, I will be able to beam myself back regardless of whether the Enterprise is able to maintain a lock on my signature. I would even be able to warp back aboard our ship through the Romulan's cloaking field, should they choose to raise it in defense," Spock argues in return. "We cannot afford to waste time debating this, sir. The longer we wait to give them a reply, the more suspicious they will become that we are plotting something."  
  
Kirk still doesn’t look entirely convinced but Spock is right and they don’t have many other options. The sooner they enact some kind of plan the safer they’ll all be, at least for the moment. He looks between the two Spocks, his own quiet and calm in the face of conflict and the younger steeled and ready for a fight. He nods.  
  
“You have twenty minutes from the time you beam over Mr. Spock. If you aren’t back by then I’m personally coming in after you do you understand?”  
  
"With any luck, it should not take me longer than ten," the vulcan nods. "I will beam over, kill the captain, and beam back-- hopefully before they have a chance to retalliate. They will fire on your ship as soon as they are able, once the First Officer is able to take over command. If it all goes to plan, I should have just enough time to return to the bridge before they fire."  
  
“And we’ll be ready for them.” Kirk responds with a nod. He takes his seat in his chair again and nods for Spock to go. To the older Spock he says, “Make sure they can’t see you when we have communications open.” Before telling the communications officer to begin hailing the Romulan vessel.  
  
The older Spock steps around the corner in order to hide from the screen as the Romulan captain's face once more fills the window, and Kirk explains the plan. Telius agrees to the exchange, and within minutes Spock is heading down to the transporter room with his back straight and his gait confident.  
  
Outfitted with a concealed portable transporter and an appropriate uniform, he steps up onto the pad to prepare to beam over. As the matter stream glitters around him and the romulan ship materializes in front of his eyes, he steps down off the transporter pad, greeted by a group of romulans, none of whom are Telius. He sets his jaw.  
  
"Where is the captain?"  
  
On the bridge of the Enterprise, Kirk watches the other ship with a hard set brow. His own Spock stands at his side, resting a hand comfortingly on his shoulder. He can feel the suffocating fear in his husband's heart, the fear that he'd made the wrong call, that he somehow overestimated the competency of the younger vulcan, that his own counterpart would have to go home with a body bag instead of a friend.  
  
"It will be alright, Jim," he says. It's a useless, human platitude, and he knows that. But it still seems like the right thing to say.  
  
Before Kirk has a chance to say anything, the ship in front of them soundlessly winks out into warp, vanishing with a twinkle of its engines in the distance, taking the young Spock with it.  
  
“Dammit!” Kirk shouts. “After that ship, now! Spock, get me a security team ready to beam over to that ship as soon as we’re within range. I _knew_ this was a bad idea.” He curses as he jumps out of his chair and heads for the lift.  
  
His anger and fear are palpable as he heads down to the transporter room to await the security team and word that they’re in range and he and the crewmen can beam over to retrieve the captured Vulcan. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. Them turning tail and running with Spock on board rather than provoking a fight hadn’t been in the cards at all but Kirk had known this was a bad plan, he could feel it even as he agreed to it.  
  
Spock stays on the bridge to captain the ship while Kirk makes a beeline for the transporter room, where Scotty is already cursing at the controls.  
  
"Captain!" he snaps to attention when Kirk comes in like his ass is on fire, followed by four other security officers. "Sir-- those portable transporters don't work at warp! I cannae beam him back through that blasted cloak-- but we can track him with it. I'm sending the feed to the bridge so the beta pilot can follow, but if they break that thing, Little Spock is toast!"  
  
"I'm sure he knows that Scotty." Kirk says. "Can you beam us onto that ship while its in warp from here? Once we've got it in our sights?"  
  
Scotty blows out a breath, shaking his head down at the controls. "I can certainly _try_, captain! It's gonna be like splittin' an arrow with another arrow, but I think I can get you there. Gettin' you _back_ is gonna be impossible if you don't find a way to disengage their cloak."  
  
"We'll figure that out when the time comes Scotty, for now I just need you to get me on to that ship." He grits out through tightly clenched teeth. "As soon as the beta pilot tells you we're close enough you send us over, understand?"  
  
"Aye, captain!" Scotty keeps his eyes trained on the controls as the rest of the security officers climb onto the pad. "Energizin'!"  
  
Kirk holds his breath as the Enterprise disappears, replaced slowly by the romulan transporter room phasing in around him. He braces himself to see the worst-- a pool of green blood on the ground? Or worse, a body?  
  
But as the walls condense on all four sides of him, he doesn't see anyone at all, save for a single romulan behind the controls, passed out or dead facedown on the floor. With phasers set to stun, they take the hall leading off the transporter room, only to find a trail of romulan bodies left behind on the way to the bridge. They don't look dead-- the result of a vulcan nerve pinch, perhaps? Could Spock possibly have fought off every single one of them alone?  
  
Stepping onto the bridge, he finds Spock between two romulans, held down on his knees by force with one romulan on either side of him pinning his arms back, while Telius rails what has got to be punch number five or six into Spock's face considering how slumped the vulcan has become. All around them are more romulan bodies, while a red alert blares in the background, and the sound of more boots approaching from the halls rings through the hull.  
  
Kirk signs to his men to find cover before the Romulans see them and he and the four security officers all duck behind walls or consoles to keep out of sight. Telius' attention is still focused on Spock but Kirk doesn't have a clear shot at him, from what he can see none of his men do.  
  
He does have a shot at one of the Romulans holding Spock. He catches the eyes of his team to make sure they're watching while he gives them the best outline of a plan he can through silent handsignals. He'll shoot the man holding Spock, releasing one of the Vulcan's arms. His men will watch the doors to the room for the reinforcements coming their way. Hopefully the resulting surprise will be enough for Spock to break free and give them the upperhand.  
  
His crew seems to understand, at least enough that they're all pointing their phasers towards the right doors when he levels his at the Romulan. He breathes in, steadies his hand, breathes out, and shoots. The blast his his target, causing the Romulan to go limp and release one of Spock's arms.  
  
With the sudden lack of pressure on his arm, and the shout of alarm that Telius gives, Spock rears up. His cheek is darkened with a mottled green bruise and his lip is split running blood down his chin, but other than that he's fine-- if mildly disoriented from the rough treatment of his face. He rears back to kick Telius in the chest, knocking him down to the ground as all hell breaks loose around him.  
  
The other romulan that had him by the arm swings around to try and get ahold of him again, leaving him to try and shake him off while Telius rolls up to his feet, and the romulans spill onto the bridge with their phaser rifles aimed and firing at the enterprise security officers.  
  
"Sir?!" Spock turns wide eyes to Kirk as he drops the romulan assaulting him with another nerve pinch, and ducks down to put his back to the console Kirk is hiding behind, occasionally peeking over to fire at the oncoming romulans. "How did you beam through their cloak?"  
  
"Scotty," Is all Kirk feels he has to say, Spock should be able to figure out the rest or understand that there isn't more that needs saying. He turns and fires again, taking out another Romulan before turning to look the young Vulcan over.  
  
He's alright, in much better shape than he was expecting. His own Spock and most of the science officers on the Enterprise wouldn't have faired nearly so well against assailants of any kind, let alone Romulans, even as a Vulcan. This Spock clearly has some tricks up his sleeve his own Spock doesn't, to have done so well against them and Kirk is honestly impressed as he passes the young man a spare phaser he'd brought along. "The trick is going to be getting us back. We need to drop the cloak for Scotty to pick us up. Can you read Romulan?"  
  
"Yes sir," Spock says. "But I am going to require some time. Romulan controls are fingerprint locked, so I will need to find which one of the bridge crew was the pilot in order to drop the ship out of warp, as well as security to drop the cloak. I will need at least ten minutes, can you secure the bridge?"  
  
"You got it," Kirk says. He doesn't waste a second longer hiding behind the console, jumping up to join the fray, stunning Romulans at a distance and moving to get better shots at those attacking his crew to clear the bridge for Spock.  
  
Spock sets to work immediately, grabbing an unconscious security officer to hold his hand to the controls and unlock the crew roster. With a grunt of frustration, he finds records double-locked with an encryption key, which he immediately sets to work decoding.  
  
Telius aims a phaser at him, which sails so close to his shoulder that he feels the residual heat from its laser burn his skin raw, but he doesn't have time to address that. He knows Kirk will make good on his word to give him the time to drop the ship out of warp.  
  
"Come on Telius, let's settle this between ourselves, Captain to Captain." Kirk taunts, dragging the Romulan's attention to himself while firing at the man. His shot goes wide but just barely, almost hitting him in the head.  
  
"You didn't think I would be fooled by the boy you sent me, did you?" Telius sneers, circling around Kirk. "I knew you were trying to trick me the moment you sent him over! The bioscan may have said he's Spock but I know trickery when I see it!"  
  
"The boy _is_ Spock, we never lied to you Telius and this attack on an envoy from the Enterprise, a representative of the Federation could be taken as an act of war," Kirk warns, keeping his eyes trained on the Romulan while they circle each other, his phaser aimed but not firing unless the man attacks.  
  
"An act of war indeed!" Telius shouts, and fires his phaser at Kirk, missing by such a small margin that the beam burns through the sleeve of his shirt, giving him a minor first degree burn from the proximity. "Computer! Initiate self destruct sequence! Five minutes!"  
  
The computer chirps back something in Romulan, and a self destruct count down starts up in the background. Spock's head snaps up in alarm as he breaks through the encryption key just in time to hear the countdown initiate, and he locks eyes with Kirk.  
  
"You'd really blow up your ship, yourself and your crew, just to stop us?" Kirk asks Telius.  
  
He doesn't wait for an answer, just pockets his phaser and rushes the Romulan, knocking him off his feet and pressing him back against a nearby wall. He can't hold him for long, not against the Romulan's superior strength, but it gives him a minute to talk to the man. "You can still stop this Telius. Stop the self destruct and let us leave and we won't report this to the Federation. There's no need to start a war over this."  
  
Telius laughs, bringing up a knee against Kirk's belly, knocking him backwards. "You fool-- I've done this quite on purpose! I knew stealing your vulcan would bring you here, and with both the captain and whatever pale imitation you have posing as your first officer on my ship when it explodes, the Federation will know once and for all that it was Telius Va'Drak who initiated bloodshed with the Federation!"  
  
"Sir, I need more time!" Spock shouts from across the bridge as he finally figures out who the pilot and security chief are, and starts turning over bodies to try and match faces to their records.  
  
"We don't _have_ time Spock!" Kirk shouts back. "Telius, we're getting out of here one way or another. You can disengage the self destruct and save your crew or die with them, but my men are leaving here, with me, alive. That's the simple facts. If I have to stun you and use your body to do it I will but I'd rather you made this easier for both of us."  
  
Telius does seem to hesitate at that, but then he grins to himself as he eyeballs a pipe in the side of the room. "Long live Romulus!" he shouts, and fires his phaser at the pipe. It explodes, showering him and the deck in some kind of fluid for several seconds before the ship's auto-containment protocol kicks in-- but it's all the time he needs. One more blast from his phaser, and the puddle ignites in flames, engulfing his body in a matter of seconds and incinerating half the bridge in one blast that knocks Kirk back off his feet and over a console.  
  
With his ears ringing, he hears the sound of one of his crew members screeching as he's also caught in the flames, and then all at once the bridge is doused in water as the fire suppression system engages, drenching them all in a slightly slimy, gelatinous fluid just slightly thicker than water and more effective at putting out blazes-- leaving the bridge a slick, impossible to navigate mess.  
  
"Sir, the warp dampeners have been damaged!" Spock shouts over the sound of phaser fire as the remaining security officers flank the doors in a desperate bid to keep the bridge from being flooded by reinforcements, flinging slime from his face. "When I drop the ship out of warp we are going to feel it!"  
  
"Everyone brace yourselves!" Kirk shouts to his men and takes his own advice while reaching for his communicator to try to reach Scotty. He needs them beamed out the instant it's possible to get a lock on their location, which means getting Scotty on the line even if he has to take a little tumble to do it when they drop out of warp.  
  
They don't really have the time to spare to drop out of each level of warp one by one, but if they drop immediately from five to impulse without functioning dampeners, every single one of them are going to be vaporized against the wall in an instant, and so Spock has no choice but to drop from five to four, a sensation alone which makes them lurch, and throws him from his chair, suffering an undignified slide across the bridge in the slimy mess left behind by the fire suppression, and the count down still ticking away with two minutes to go.  
  
Dignity isn't worth dying for, so he straddles the chair in order to drop from four to three, clinging desperately to the station as another lurch causes the hull to crunch somewhere, and an alert for a hull breach to ring out between the count down.  
  
"I hear you, captain!" Scotty's voice is guttering and thin across the weak signal they have. "I've still got a lock on Spock's personal transporter, but until you get the cloak down I cannae get you all!"  
  
"We're working on it Scotty, just keep on us and be ready to beam us out of here at a moments notice. Inform sickbay that we have an injured security officer, and send word to the bridge that we need to be out of the blast radius of this ship less than 30 seconds after we're all onboard, understand? Telius set the ship to self destruct, and we've got maybe two minutes left before its gone." Kirk shouts into his communicator.  
  
Scotty makes a few disgruntled sounds before settling on "Aye, captain!"  
  
When the ship drops from three to two, Kirk is thrown back against the console hard enough that is knocks the wind out of him, but he's able to cling to it as they drop from two to one, and then finally from one to impulse, with the Enterprise hot on their tail.  
  
Unsteady on his feet and with less than a minute to go, Spock grabs the security officer and slams his hand into the console, dropping the cloak. It warbles and shifts around them, and Kirk watches as the four security officers are beamed out in stretched, distorted streams, struggling to get through the cloak as it gutters and fails around the ship.  
  
"Captain! I cannae get a lock on you! Get that cloak _down!"_  
  
"The controls are damaged," Spock looks up at the captain with wide eyes that Kirk would mistake for frightened if he didn't know Spock better, as the count down starts on the last thirty seconds. "I've done what I can. I'm sorry, sir. This is my fault."  
  
"You did great Spock. More than anyone could have asked of you," Kirk assures him. He lifts his communicator again and asks Scotty, "Can you get a lock on Spock?"  
  
"Aye, captain. But I can't get you," Scotty says breathlessly, as the computer counts down the last twenty seconds. "Not unless you can get that cloak down."  
  
"I can't," Spock says, sounding defeated.  
  
"You're going to beam Spock back on board, he's going to drop the portable transporter unit first so I can grab it and get myself out of here." Kirk says into the communicator while locking eyes with Spock to make sure he understands. "We only have one shot at this and we need to do it now. When I say go, star bringing him home Scotty, understand?"  
  
Spock's brain goes through lightning fast calculations, as he hears the count down hit ten, while the glitter of a transport stream starts to materialize around him. He has the portable transporter in his hand, but accounting for how long it takes to beam through a cloak, how many seconds it requires to get a lock, and then successfully transport-- there simply isn't enough time.  
  
"It isn't going to work," he blurts, his voice distorted by the stream, and instead of dropping the transporter for Kirk to grab, he rushes forward, risking the signal dropping from himself as well, and throws his arms around the captain's neck to squeeze them as tightly together as he can, melding them into a signal signature.  
  
They materialize onto the transporter pad on the Enterprise together, with Spock's arms around his shoulders in such a firm hold that it steals Kirk's breath, but before he even has time to look down at Spock, the ship is rocked by the force of the romulan ship exploding, even as they warp away from the blast as promptly as they can, throwing both Kirk and Spock off their feet to the floor.  
  
"That was a close one, captain," Scotty looks sweaty and stressed, leaning on the controls. "Quick thinking on your part, Little Spock."  
  
"Thank you," Spock says, his voice unsteady as he sits up and wipes at the blood on his chin.  
  
"The three security officers who beamed over are fine, but the fourth is in critical condition, already down in sickbay," Scotty reports. "I'll give you a full damage report from the blast as soon as I can put it together."  
  
"I'll look forward to reading that while on the forced shift off Bones is going to make me take," Kirk says, already regaining his footing. "Spock, we're going down to sickbay. You need to get looked over and I need a report on my officer's condition."  
  
He leads the way to the lift, clapping Scotty on the shoulder as he passes in a silent thank you. The doors slide shut behind him and Spock and they start heading up to sickbay.  
  
"You really impressed me in there Spock. I had no idea you could fight."  
  
"The captain insisted on all of the senior staff undergoing advanced combat training," Spock says as they pile into the turbolift, aching and bloodied and still covered in slime.  
  
That takes Kirk by surprise and it shows on his face. "Really? The entire senior crew have combat training? Is that required in your universe?"  
  
"No," Spock says, leaning exhausted against the wall as he wrings some of the slime out of his shirt. "After our maiden voyage, Jim insisted that anyone who planned on requesting reassignment to the Enterprise had to pass combat training with top marks. Our first mission was such a critical disaster on a global scale that he did not want to risk any of our lives."  
  
"That's actually very forward thinking of him," Kirk admits, though its clear its somewhat painful for him to do so. "I should consider that for my own crew, considering the dangerous situations we tend to find ourselves in. You kept a cool head under pressure too, not that I would expect anything less from you."  
  
Spock looks across the lift at Kirk for a moment, and feels something twist in his chest. His plan had been logical, every angle had been accounted for-- but that wasn't enough, this time.  
  
"Halt," he says, and the lift slows to a stop mid-transit. With his head down and his eyes cast in shadow, his hair a sticky, rumpled mess around his beaten face, he looks for a moment like a child who got caught scrapping with another boy, and it breaks Jim's heart.  
  
"I need to apologize," he says, lifting his head again to look Kirk in the eye. "I fear that my bias against the romulans may have played some part in the logical fallacy of my plan. I would like to formally request a shuttle for myself and my captain, so we can continue this mission alone."  
  
"Spock," Kirk says gently. He places a hand on Spock's shoulder, his fingers almost brushing Spock's neck. "Your plan was a good one. My Spock agreed to it, if he had seen any glaring faults in your logic he would have said so and he does not share your bias against Romulans. It didn't work because Romulans, like humans, are unpredictable and illogical at times and Telius acted in a way we couldn't have seen coming. That is not a fault of yours or anyone elses, it's just how these things happen sometimes."  
  
He gives Spock a fond smile and squeezes his shoulder. "In other words Mr. Spock, request denied. You're not running away from your mistake on my watch. And I don't think your captain would be too pleased to hear you even asked, so we'll keep this between us."  
  
Spock looks up at the older man with eyes that Kirk doesn't expect to see-- eyes full of emotion. They're wide and wet and scared, and the dark circle of forest-green bruises forming a crescent around his eye and cheekbone gives him an even more pitiful appearance, before he manages to control his expression.  
  
"Yes sir," he says, dropping his gaze to the floor. "Resume."  
  
The lift continues on its path as Spock rests his back against the turbolift wall, the feeling of Kirk's hand burned into his shoulder long after he let go.


	11. Chapter 11

Plagued as always by insomnia, Jim had found himself wandering the halls of the Enterprise when the red alert was sounded, but without much more information to go on and not being allowed on the bridge, there was almost nothing he could do but wait and hope for a chance to help. That chance hadn’t come.  
  
So he had tucked himself out of the way to wait and listen, sure sooner or later someone would let slip what was going on. Not knowing was starting to eat at him, almost as much as being helpless and useless in a fight. He could feel a trickle of Spock’s apprehension through the link in the back of his mind and it did nothing to sooth his agitated spirit because he couldn’t even go to him and offer comfort, because Spock was on the bridge, while he sat on his ass doing nothing.  
  
He was just starting to consider hacking into the ships communications system to do some eavesdropping when an explosion rocked the Enterprise, sending him careening off into a wall and dislocating his shoulder. Swearing and groaning he put off his little hacking job for the moment to instead make his way down to sickbay.  
  
He finds a _line_ by the time he gets there, a whole line of people all stretched down the hall clutching minor injuries from being thrown around in the blast and decides actually, fuck that. He can handle a little dislocated shoulder, he's had way worse than this.  
  
Getting his shoulder back into the socket alone _sucks_ like he thought it would, but in some sick little way, it's actually the first thing that has really made him feel competent since he arrived. Sure, half of _James Tiberius Kirk's_ crew worships the ground he walks on just because he gives them the time of day-- but any asshole with charisma could do that, given how pompously stuck up their captain is.  
  
However, sleep still doesn't come. He can't help but worry over what had happened, especially since he checks Spock's adjacent room three times over the next hour between being unable to fall asleep, and still finds it empty. He doesn't know where his Spock is, whether he'd been hurt in the explosion or worse, but even past all that the burning ache in his shoulder keeps him up, so he drags himself back to sickbay yet again.  
  
Luckily by now, it seems as though most of the line has been processed, and only a few people with more serious injuries are inside sickbay now, sleeping on cots, one of whom appears to be on severe life support, burnt to a crisp and covered in a healing jelly layered over the worst of his injuries.  
  
McCoy, who is looking as tired and grumpy as ever, looks up from his work as he sticks a hypospray in the knee of an injured ensign, and scowls at the sight of Jim. It's been weird, living on an Enterprise for two weeks in which he doesn't have his own Bones-- sure there's a Bones, but not his Bones. He's very similar in mannerism and attitude, but his differences put him squarely in Jim's uncanny valley, unable to feel close to a man who is in essence every facet of his best friend.  
  
"Hey kid. Got a nasty bump too, huh? You and half the crew," McCoy grouses as the ensign hops off the table and limps out of sickbay. "Hop up. What happened to you?"  
  
"Nothing you can do anything about, I already fixed it. I'm here for the second best thing about being best friends with Bones, and that's knowing about your booze supply," Jim says, bypassing the table and making a beeline for McCoy's office instead. "Best pain killer in the universe is a few fingers of your good brandy. Don't worry, I'll make sure the captain pays you back for it."  
  
"Hey, slow down," McCoy follows in after him with a sigh. "I've got _actual_ painkillers. But you're allergic to every damn thing in the universe, that's right. Alright, fine, you can have some but if you throw up on my sickbay floor I'm making you clean it up."  
  
"I never throw up. I pass out or get knocked out, but I never throw up," Jim responds, grinning. "And I'm not allergic to every damn thing in the universe but trying to make up the list would take too long, and I don't even know how shit in this universe is different than it is back home. But booze is still booze and it'll fix up my shoulder just fine."  
  
McCoy pulls out the bottle and pours out a generous inch for the boy, holding it out for him in a small square glass. He leaves the office door open in case someone else comes in, but he sits behind his desk and pours a much smaller amount for himself, while Jim sits on the other side.  
  
"Haven't seen much of you while you've been here," he says, taking a small sip of his drink and eyeballing Jim up and down curiously. "Been avoiding me?"  
  
"Only as much as anyone avoids their doctor," Jim answers. He takes a drink, emptying about half his glass in one go and barely wincing at the burn of the alcohol. It feels good, feels normal. He's missed this. He looks up at Bones, an older and gentler version of his first friend and smiles. "I've just been trying to make myself useful around here. Can't do that sitting on my ass in here."  
  
"Spoken like a true tryhard," McCoy says, swirling his drink slightly, and he smirks when Jim seems to take offense to that. "Don't get your pants bunched, I've heard about you hanging around with the crew. They like you, what's the problem?"  
  
"I'm not doing shit, that's the problem. A little repair here and there, an upgrade no one asked for." Jim finishes the rest of his drink and reaches to pour himself another. "I'm the captain of Starfleet's flagship, the youngest ever. I saved the earth before I finished my third year as a cadet. And now I can't even get on the bridge, and if I wasn't here it wouldn't make any difference at all."  
  
"Yeah? So what?" McCoy says. "You're not supposed to be here, kid. Neither you _or_ the baby hobgoblin are supposed to be here. This isn't your ship, so why're you so concerned about not being able to captain it? Who're you trying to prove something to?"  
  
"Spock's doing just fine for himself. He decoded that romulan whatever-thing, found out how to get us home. He's making himself useful," Jim argues. "I need to be doing something that's all. If I'm not doing something what's the point?"  
  
"Free vacation?" McCoy shrugs. "I'd enjoy the time off, while you can. For once you don't have to be in charge, you can just sit back and enjoy the ride." He looks Jim up and down, shaking his head. "Of course, I should know better, huh? Lookit who I'm talking to. A punk kid who fixed his own dislocated shoulder and walked in like he owned the place anyway. You're still Jim up and down, aren't you? All blonde and handsome about it, but you're still Jim."  
  
"It's just a dislocated shoulder I've been fixing those since I was ten Bones, it's not a big deal." Jim slams back his second glass. "I can't be captain. I can't get by on just ordering people around and looking good in the command gold. I need to be able to do something too, prove I deserve it even when I don't have the chair. That bastard up on the bridge thinks I got my command on accident, a fluke, and so far I haven't exactly proved him wrong."  
  
"Hey," McCoy sits forward. "Don't talk about Jim like that. He's a good man, and my best friend. I'll let you get away with a lot because you're... some version of my best friend too, but not that, y'hear?"  
  
"Alright, that less attractive version of me up on the bridge." Jim corrects.  
  
McCoy seems to think about that one for a moment before he shrugs and lets it slide. "Why were you fixing dislocated shoulders when you were ten?" he asks, changing the subject abruptly.  
  
Jim chuckles a little. "I used to do a lot of dumb shit. Stealing cars, jumping out of them, building ramps for my bike, getting into fights. Anything to piss off my stepdad you know?"  
  
"Step dad?" McCoy's brows furrow. "What happened to George?"  
  
The little smile Jim had quickly disappears and he pours himself a third glass. "Died. On the day I was born, killed by Romulans. He was captain of a starship for 12 minutes and saved over 300 lives including all five minutes of mine."  
  
"Hm," McCoy frowns. "Things really are different between your world and mine, huh? Do you know what turned up for Joanna back where you're from?"  
  
"I- I don't know who that is." Jim admits, feeling suddenly worse than he did before. There's something about McCoy's question that says he should know, that this is important. But he has no idea.  
  
McCoy's expression shifts. "You don't know about Joanna?" he looks like he can't believe it. "What kind of best friend of mine doesn't know about my daughter? Unless she just... doesn't exist." He looks very troubled by that thought, and drains the rest of his glass in one shot.  
  
"Bones has never mentioned her. I know he got divorced, we met shortly after. He doesn't like talking about it, gets pretty angry and chases me out of sickbay if I ever bring it up so I stopped," Jim explains. He looks down at his glass but doesn't drink this time, just swirls the booze around a bit. "I'm sorry I can't tell you more. He definitely motherhens me enough to be someone's parent though."  
  
McCoy chuckles to himself as he pours a second glass. "Well. Ask him about it. If he's anything like me, he'd love to be able to talk about her."  
  
The doors to sickbay open again and he looks up in time to see Spock coming through the doors, the older Vulcan sporting a clear bruise on his forehead that he's currently holding his hand to. The doctor gets to his feet with a grunt and gestures for Spock to sit on one of the cots.  
  
"Alright, what happened to you?"  
  
"I hit my head when the explosion threw me from the captain's chair," Spock says as McCoy washes his hands.  
  
"You hit your head and waited this long to come in?" McCoy complains.  
  
"Jim was troubled by the events of the last couple hours," Spock explains. "I wanted to stay with him until he fell asleep."  
  
Jim was inching his way out of the office to leave McCoy to his work but something about what was just said stops him in his tracks. "You were in the captains chair? Where was whats-his-name?"  
  
"Jim beamed aboard the romulan warbird," Spock says as McCoy sets to pushing back his hair in order to disinfect the area and check for concussion. "I took command while he was away."  
  
"What? Why the hell would he do something like that?" Jim presses for more information. "We were attacked by _romulans?"_  
  
Spock looks surprised-- as surprised as a vulcan can look-- frowning down at Jim. "I assumed you knew about all of this. You did not?"  
  
"Does anyone tell me anything on this ship?" Jim grumbles, his tongue a little loose from the alcohol and his filter not working as well as he would have normally liked.  
  
"We were stopped by a romulan warbird 1.6 hours ago," Spock explains. "The captain attempted to lie about our intentions in the neutral zone, but was unsuccessful. Your Spock posited that he could beam over to their ship posing as me and attack the captain--"  
  
"He did WHAT?" Jim practically shouts, cutting him off. "Oh I'm going to kill him. I swear to god I'm going to kill that son of a bitch-- he was up on the bridge again then right? And he decided he could just beam over and risk his life for more romulan revenge, because he just hasn't had enough with Nero being sucked into a black hole. Has to get himself killed going in for more, being the hero and didn't even bother to tell me!"  
  
"I assumed you knew," Spock says, raising a brow at Kirk's slightly slurred speech. "Your Spock has been on the bridge for days."  
  
Jim stops and stares at him for a second while he repeats the words in his head a few times. Days. Spock had been on the bridge for _days_. "Well. Isn't that just great! Good for him." He says, his tone suddenly icy cold. "Just.... that's just great. And you know what? I'm going to go find him and tell him just how great I think that is."  
  
"Jim," Spock says, reaching out to gently take the younger man by his bicep. "You are intoxicated. I do not think that now is the best time for you to confront him."  
  
"Let go of me, Commander," Jim says, his voice low, not looking at the Vulcan.  
  
"Jim," Spock says, his voice creaky and soft with a kind of kindness that actually kind of hurts to hear, right now.  
  
"Let go or I'll make you," Jim tugs at his arm.  
  
Spock's brow furrows, but he releases the younger man's arm, and Jim leaves sickbay leaving a trail of fire behind him, unable to look up and see the expression on Spock's face as he leaves. He doesn't know exactly where his own Spock would be at this point, and there's no use in asking the computer considering it just gets confused when anyone asks it to locate himself or Spock, but he figures their quarters are a good place to start.  
  
He doesn't even knock or ask first before opening Spock's door, and he stops dead when he sees the vulcan just inside. It looks like he'd just gotten out of the shower, dressed for meditation from the waist down, holding a black shirt he hasn't put on yet. He freezes in place and looks up, and Kirk is able to see the semi-circle of bruises around his eye and the slash over his lip, as well as a few superficial phaser burns on his arms and some bruising on his chest.  
  
Both of them caught in stasis for a moment, Spock breaks it with a brisk "captain" as he pulls the shirt on over his head and flattens it down over his stomach.  
  
“You’re an _idiot_,” Jim says, now that the spell of silence has been broken and he can speak again. He takes a step into the room so the door can close behind him, not caring that he hasn’t been invited in. “God Spock do you have any _idea_ how stupid you can be sometimes? You _beamed over_ to a Romulan ship? Are you kidding me? Why didn’t you tell me? You could have come and told me and I could have gone with you-- I could have helped you, _protected_ you! But you had to go and do it yourself and almost get yourself killed. And for what? For the chance to beat up some Romulans? Is that what this is about? Or are you just so desperate to show off for your new captain and your new Uhura that you had to be the hero?”  
  
Spock feels a flare of anger in his chest, but stills his mind as he crosses the room to his padded meditation stool, and sits down on the cushion.  
  
"I did not invite you into my quarters," he says stiffly, instead of answering any of Kirk's accusations.  
  
“I don’t give a shit,” Jim retorts. “You weren’t invited onto the bridge, but I hear you’ve made yourself pretty comfortable up there. I’m just following your lead.”  
  
"I made the logical argument that my presence on the bridge would not interrupt the ability of this ship's captain to govern his ship, and he acquiesced," Spock says, keeping his voice modulated low and even. "Your place is on the bridge of our ship back home, not backseat-captaining this one."  
  
“Bullshit. Don’t try to fluff my ego to get yourself out of trouble Spock, you’re _thrilled_ to be working under a captain you actually like. If you could replace me on our own Enterprise you’d do it in a heartbeat. _My place_ my ass!” Jim advances on the vulcan. “You know you’re an idiot for going over to that ship alone? Jesus Christ man what the fuck were you thinking?”  
  
"We were being strong armed by hostile romulans, and this ship's captain refused to fire first and incite war," Spock explains coolly. "The only way out of the situation was to convince the romulans to fire first so the Enterprise could retaliate in self-defense. As I was on the bridge at the time I volunteered myself masquerading as this world's Commander Spock, in order to earn the romulans' trust, while the real Commander Spock stayed behind as a cover for Starfleet records. There was no time to involve you, and furthermore the romulans would not have accepted a strange man they don't know beaming over to their ship. I was only permitted because they thought I was the First Officer."  
  
“And you really think they couldn’t have been convinced that the First Officer needs to be escorted by a security officer onto a hostile vessel? Two minutes, it would have taken for me to change into a red shirt. And then maybe you wouldn’t have gotten so beat up.” Jim snaps back.  
  
"I am fine," Spock replies, settling comfortably on the stool and folding his hands in his lap. "I am not quite so helpless as you think."  
  
“I know you aren’t helpless. But you could have used someone to watch your back in there. And dammit I’m still your captain, you should have checked with me before risking your life like that! What if something had happened to you Spock?” Jim challenges. “I’m the one who would be going home alone because of it.”  
  
"Speculation on the past is pointless. I am unharmed. I succeeded in the ultimate task of protecting this ship from the romulans," Spock says evenly. "When it comes down to it, you are more important to our world than I am. I did not involve you in the mission because if only one of us can go home, it must and will be you."  
  
“I already told you not to lie to me,” Jim snaps, voice raising. He can’t even look at Spock anymore, he’s too angry. “If you try something like that again you better hope they let you stay here because you’ll regret it as soon as we get home.” It’s mostly an empty threat, he can’t even think of an appropriate punishment for what Spock did to try to scare him with but he’s too angry and hurt to care.  
  
Spock has a torrent of emotions boiling in his chest. He's angry with Jim for mollycoddling him like this, upset about the differences in the Kirks and that maybe some part of him does prefer this world's-- only because he actually listens to and trusts Spock's judgement. The older Kirk makes him feel heard and appreciated, and this Kirk just makes him feel... angry.  
  
"Understood, captain," he says, with no small amount of bitterness in his voice. "Kindly leave my quarters, now."  
  
Jim hesitates for a second like he's got more to say, more accusations to hurl at Spock, but he doesn't. He clenches his jaw and gives a curt nod before walking purposefully, not hurrying, out of Spock's quarters, the door closing tight behind him. He keeps going for a little while, past his own room and down the hall until some of the fight goes out of him and his pace slows until he's standing still in the deserted corridor.  
  
"God dammit!" He curses, slamming his fist against the nearby wall. Every time. Every time he wants to talk to Spock it devolves into this. How can they keep doing this to each other?  
  
"Jim," he hears a soft voice behind him, and he turns to see the older Spock approaching him. His hair is mussed by his visit to McCoy for treatment for his head, and he looks absolutely bone tired. He comes up to the boy and stops a few feet away, his hands clasped behind his back as he inspects Jim's face. He can feel his emotions, but even if he couldn't, he could read them all over his face.  
  
"Whatever it is, Spock, I'm not in the mood. I'm sorry I was rude or whatever you're pissed about but I'm not up for a lecture right now," Jim say, dropping his eyes to the floor. He doesn't actually feel any anger from the Vulcan through their bond, at least he doesn't think he does, but through the haze of alcohol and his own emotions its hard to tell.  
  
"I am not here to lecture," Spock says, his voice soft. "I felt your anger and hostility. It worried me. I was coming to check on you."  
  
"Yeah? Well, thanks but I'm fine." Jim says. "Just another fight with the Spock from my universe, what else is new."  
  
"With all due respect," Spock says, stepping just a bit closer. "I do not believe you are fine."  
  
Jim doesn't back down. He isn't going to run away from another Spock today so he holds his ground. "I am. It's just more of the same."  
  
"Jim," Spock shakes his head. "You may be able to lie to your Spock, but you cannot lie to me. I can feel what you feel. Our minds and souls are linked, you cannot hide your feelings from me even if you try."  
  
"Not sure I like that," Jim tries to laugh, trying to redirect, change the conversation in any way he can. Spock keeps getting closer, moving slowly towards him like he's a frightened animal that might bolt is he moves too quickly but he refuses to budge an inch.  
  
Spock finally reaches out to take Jim by the shoulders. His hands are huge and warm, a burning physical comfort against the distraught captain's skin through his shirt. His face is creased and soft as he looks down at the younger man, a sort of gentle wisdom held in those black eyes that Jim can't tell whether it's for him or not, but he wants it either way.  
  
"If I could mend your relationship with him, I would," he says, his voice low and tired. "I would give anything for you to feel the same love and support from him that I feel for my captain. What I feel for you is just a faint copy of what you deserve, but I still offer it freely."  
  
"You should let me go Spock," Jim warns, a little softer now, his tone a little more broken. "I can't- I can't do this. I can't have this and give it up."  
  
"They say it's better to have loved and lost," Spock says, his thumbs rubbing Jim's shoulders. "You have been alone for so long. Let me support you while I can."  
  
Jim starts to lean in, instinct telling him to take everything he can get his hands on and then some, while it's available. While it's there and free for the taking. "I want to," he whispers. "But it's a bad idea. Let me go, Spock."  
  
There are a lot of differences between his own Jim and this one, Spock has noticed. Their age is a massive difference of course, but even that is a layered contrast. Fifteen years is a very long time to grow and mature with experience and hardship. It goes deeper than that, from the very moment they were born their lives followed completely different trajectories, though their nature at their core is the same, they were nurtured in completely opposite ways.  
  
But even with Jim's desperation to please, his hunger for validation and his need to prove himself, Spock can see at his core the very same strong-willed boy he's married to, who is in mortal need for somebody to give him what he wants without having to ask for it.  
  
So he says, "No."  
  
And he pulls Jim in against his chest.  
  
Jim doesn't fight it. Spock's arms are strong and warm and his chest is solid against Jim's body as the Vulcan holds him tight against himself, letting all his warmth soak into the human who has felt so dreadfully cold and alone for such a long time. Jim leans his head on Spock's shoulder and lets the man hug him like he hasn't been hugged in as long as he can remember. Even Bones doesn't hug him that often, usually only when he's barely come back from a mission to remind them both that they're still alive. This is different than that.  
  
Later, if anyone were to ask, Jim would blame the alcohol lowering his defenses that makes him start to cry. He hasn't cried in a long time either, not since-- well. Not since the last time he met this very same Spock, in that ice cave. How is is that this Spock is the only person who can get him to feel safe enough to cry? He breaks and sobs into Spock's shoulder, finally letting out all the anger and worry and loneliness that's been bottled up inside him, while he hugs the older Vulcan back as tightly as he can.  
  
Spock rests his nose in Jim's hair and lets him cry without comment. Even his hair smells the same as his own husband's. With one strong arm wrapped around Jim's shoulders, he rubs his other hand up and down his back in wide, soothing circles. He doesn't bother with platitudes, he doesn't bother with words whatsoever. Jim doesn't need to hear anything from him right now, he just needs to feel.  
  
To feel a warm body embracing his, to feel Spock's genuine affection for him radiating through that weak, meager link. It makes both their heads ache to strain it like that, but the warmth that comes from the bond more than makes up for the headache. He doesn't judge Jim for crying. He doesn't chastise him for being a grown adult or a starship captain breaking down like a child. He just holds him in the middle of that deserted hall without a word and lets him cry it all out.  
  
Jim isn't the only one overwhelmed by emotion. Meditation refuses to come for the younger Spock, who does everything in his power to clear his mind. The thoughts refuse to leave him, clouding his rational brain. So much was left unsaid, so much anger and sadness left unchallenged.  
  
He gives up and leaves his room, hoping to track down Jim. At the very least he wants to apologize for going to the romulan ship without letting his captain know. Possibly admit to the fact that he'd done so in large part because he wanted to prove to _both_ Jims that he was more than just a smart man hunched over a science console, like this world's Spock seems to be.  
  
The sound of crying fills his ears-- Jim's voice. Guilt punches him in the chest as he continues down the curved corridor, expecting to find his drunk captain slumped on the ground, weeping and insensate. He'll pick him up, carry him back to their rooms, dump him on his bed and--  
  
He stops in his tracks when he comes upon the sight of Jim wrapped up in the other Spock's arms so tightly, it looks like they're trying to meld their bodies as close as their minds. His stomach sours with an emotion he can't identify and refuses to try.  
  
The tears stop and Jim goes quiet in Spock's arms. He doesn't lift his face for a long moment, knowing his eyes will be red and puffy and not at all his normal, attractive self, and he wants to preserve the moment a little longer before he has to look Spock in the eye like that. But it can't last forever and soon enough he pulls back a little, loosening his grip on Spock while he lifts his head, feeling Spock's arms loosen around him too.  
  
"I-- Thanks. I didn't know how much I needed that," he admits quietly. "I'm okay now, really this time."  
  
"If you need--" Spock starts, but Jim's attention is immediately stolen by the figure standing a couple yards away. He looks past the vulcan's shoulder into the eyes of his own Spock, wearing a perfectly neutral expression.  
  
Spock turns to see what Jim is staring at, his hands still cupping Jim's shoulders as he turns, and also locks eyes with his counterpart, who holds their combined gaze for a moment long before he turns and walks back the way he came without a word.  
  
"Shit," Jim curses. He pulls away from the older Spock completely and makes to follow his own first officer. "I'm sorry, I'll find you later!" He shouts back behind him.  
  
Spock walks quickly, but it doesn't take Jim long to catch up to the younger Vulcan, calling after him to get his attention-- and when that doesn't seem to work, he grabs his arm once he's close enough to. "Spock, will you stop? What was that all about?"  
  
Spock immediately yanks his arm out of Jim's hand so roughly it stings the human's palm. The vulcan is looking at him with that same neutral expression, but Jim can see fire in his eyes.  
  
"Do not put your hands on me," he says evenly, and continues to walk back towards his quarters.  
  
"_Okay_, sorry," Jim says, pulling his hands away and jogging to keep up with the other man. "Look whatever you think that was, you're _wrong_, okay? If you're still angry at me about before, fine, I understand, but don't be pissed at Spock just for being nice."  
  
"I am not thinking anything, captain," Spock says as he arrives at his door, and he hits the keypad on the side harder than strictly necessary to open it. "Unlike your previous accusations about my character, I have no interest in staying in this world longer than necessary. I strongly encourage you to examine whether you have intentions on leaving as well. Good night, sir."  
  
The door closes in Kirk's face, and with a blip of the ship's computer, locks from the inside.  
  
Maybe it's a little undignified for a starship captain to cry and scream in the same night, but Spock feels a little surge of satisfaction when he hears Kirk shout FUCK outside his door.  



	12. Chapter 12

"Proud" isn't _exactly_ the word Spock would use to describe how he felt about the moment he seriously considered allowing the information that they'd reached Cardassian space to 'slip his mind' rather than inform his captain. But god, did he think about it. He ultimately decides that the smug satisfaction that would come from the moment Jim realized he'd missed such a crucial meeting would not be worth the punishment that would undoubtedly come his way for such an insuboordinate action, and chooses instead to do the responsible, logical thing and inform his captain on his way there that they've been summoned to the meeting room with the captain and first officer.  
  
Still, he arrives before his captain and takes a seat across from his own counterpart, leaving them to wait several minutes before Jim finally arrives and sits opposite his own double. The older Kirk looks very annoyed that he seems to have taken his sweet time getting there, but he decides at least not to start a fight over it, a fact for which both Spocks are immeasurably grateful-- particularly the older one, who already seems to be nursing a headache.  
  
"We will be arriving at the Xoxa colony in two hours," he says, indicating the display screen that Spock turns on for him. "They'll be expecting a communication, and we need an excuse to get into that cave."  
  
"We cannot assume the Cardassians would simply say yes if we asked them straighforward for access to it," the young Spock nods along. "They have no reason to trust Starfleet, and with as little information as there exists of them, _none_ of which exists yet in our world, we have extremely little to go on."  
  
Jim seems…almost bored by all this talk. To the older Kirk’s annoyance the younger captain isn’t even looking at the screen the rest of the officers are focused on, instead he seems to be messing around with someone on his personal console, pressing on the screen and moving things around with no regard for the others.  
  
Captain Kirk glares at him for a moment but when this garners no reaction he sighs and turns his attention back to the problem at hand, deeming it wiser to just leave him out of the conversation all together if he has decided he doesn’t want to be a part of it. “Perhaps we offer them a trade. A fair deal, for access to the mine. Tell them we’re looking for something, not the decalithium itself but something else needed from the mine, and that we will split the profits from it with them. Form a trade agreement for access and begin opening relationship with the Cardassians."  
  
"I would not advise that, sir," the younger Spock shakes his head. "We want to avoid implying to the Cardassians that whatever we need from that cave is anything of value. Otherwise we run the serious risk of the Cardassians deciding to mine the isotope for themselves without even knowing what it is, what it's used for, or how dangerous it can be."  
  
“What if we tell them specifically that we’re looking for something else? There has to be something else in those mines we can take away along with the isotope to mask what we’re really after. Mr. Spock, Commander, any ideas?” The captain asks.  
  
The older Spock taps a few things on his console, frowning. "Yes, captain. There are a great many other elements within the cave. However, I cannot identify anything so rare that it would justify coming all the way out to Cardassian space in search for it. There are many other avenues for Starfleet to obtain the other minerals in their cave system, it would seem suspicious for us to venture into enemy territory for them."  
  
"The Cardassians are a suspicious race already," the younger Spock agrees. "The last thing we want is for them to find or manufacture a reason to turn on us. There is a slim chance that we could beam down a small party unnoticed, if we could keep the attention of the Cardassians away from the cave. It's a risky option, if the landing party is discovered the Cardassian's honor code will necessitate a public execution. But as only one drop of red matter is enough to create a black hole, I believe we could mine the necessary amount of decalithium within two hours."  
  
From his seat Jim gives a little snort of derisive laughter, causing all eyes to turn to him. The captain’s eyes narrow in annoyance because the young man still has not looked up from his console. “Do you have something to add?” He asks, frustration clear in his voice.  
  
“To that plan? Not really. Just hope you don’t mind losing a few of your men,” Jim shrugs. “No offense to Spock, his calculations are probably right but mining even for two hours isn’t going to be subtle and beaming down a party as a distraction for just two hours is going to be suspicious as hell.”  
  
The younger Spock frowns at his captain, in the closest approximation to a scowl that a vulcan can muster. "If you have an alternate suggestion, captain, I am sure that Captain Kirk would be glad to hear it. In fact if you have anything to contribute whatsoever, rather than sulking, we are as you say, all ears."  
  
Jim smirks. "Actually yeah I have a suggestion. I just finished hacking Starfleet's databanks, don't give me that look," he says without looking up to see the look he knows Spock is giving him. "They made contact with the Cardassians in 2262, and their files say that they're a race who holds family in extremely high esteem. I say we use that. Say we lost a shuttle of officers in those caves back when the bloody first contact on record was made, and need to go retrieve the dog tags for the families. Its honorable in our society, blah blah blah, play on all that jazz. We can even replicate some fake dog tags make them look beat up to really sell it."  
  
He sits back in his chair then, looking between the two Spocks and his double, arms crossed over his chest and looking impossibly smug.  
  
"You _hacked_ Starfleet?" The captain asks through gritted teeth, close to reaching across the table and smacking that smirk right off his face.  
  
"Back channel, they'll never know," Jim shrugs.  
  
The younger Spock sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. It's far from the first time Jim has done something like this, but it's nevertheless exhausting every time. "Apologies, sir. It would seem that one of the many things my captain is allergic to is protocol."  
  
The older Spock gives his own captain a somewhat amused look. "It is a good plan, captain. The best one we have so far."  
  
"Spock is still bitter that I beat his test, ignore him," Jim says, waving off his first officer's complaints. "Commander Spock is right. My plan is the only one that has a chance of working."  
  
The captain doesn't look entirely convinced but he sighs and nods, knowing Spock wouldn't suggest it if he didn't think it would work. "Let's start working on the dog tags and I want personnel files for these missing crewmen. I want this story to be airtight, do you understand?"  
  
"Yes sir," Spock says on behalf of his captain, who is already on his feet and heading out the door to do exactly that.  
  
"I will assist him captain," the older Spock says, and with a brief affectionate squeeze to Kirk's wrist, he follows after Jim, leaving his husband behind with his younger counterpart.  
  
"I want to apologize for my captain," Spock says, sounding weary. "He has been known for testing the boundaries of every limit that has ever been imposed on him."  
  
"I don't know how you put up with it Mr. Spock. My Spock seems to have a soft spot for him but if he had to put up with that every day I don't think even he could take it for very long," Kirk says with a little shake of his head. "Or is it only because he isn't the captain right now that he feels the need to act out like such a child? No offense to your friend of course."  
  
"I believe you have hit the nail on the head, sir," Spock says bitterly, shaking his head. "He will act out until the moment we leave in a vain attempt to assert his dominance, and will likely to continue to act out for some time once we return home until his ego is at last assuaged."  
  
"Would you be totally opposed to me just throwing him in the brig for a day or two to cool his head?" Kirk asks, mostly joking.  
  
"In confidence, sir, not nearly as opposed as I should be," Spock on the other hand, isn't joking at all.  
  
Kirk frowns, brow furrowing in confusion. "Is something wrong Mr. Spock? Has he done something?"  
  
Spock sighs, his shoulders slumping. "He and I do not have the relationship that you and your Spock have. He does not appreciate me like you appreciate your own Spock, and two days ago he came to shout at me for beaming over to the Romulan ship. It isn't the first time since coming here that he has expressed anger and frustration towards me for respecting you as the captain of this vessel rather than seeking his approval for courses of action he has no power to implement. I am... tired."  
  
"So you've been fighting. He doesn't like you treating someone else as your captain," Kirk sighs and leans back in his chair. "I hate to say it, and I will say he has no right to yell at you over it, but I understand where he's coming from. I wouldn't take too kindly to my own Spock casting me off for a new captain but I would never yell at him for it. He's handling this like a child."  
  
"I attempted to explain to him that I respect you aboard your ship as much as I respect him aboard his, but he accused me of lying. He is under the impression that I prefer you on a personal level," Spock's jaw flexes and he glances down. "And it is not something I can dispute."  
  
"I'm... unsure how to respond to that Spock. I think I can understand where you're coming from, having spent some time with your Kirk, he comes across as an arrogant, smug, insufferable ass. But as a James Kirk myself, who is in love with my own Spock, I can also imagine the pain he's in hearing something like that," Kirk says wearily. "I hope he comes around and fixes things sooner than later, for both your sakes."  
  
"With all due respect, sir," Spock grits his teeth slightly. "Jim is not in love with me. He is _also_ in love with _your_ Spock. Excuse me," with a nod of his head he turns to leave the room, a dark cloud following him closely behind.  
  
Kirk doesn't exactly know what to do with that information, but it doesn't help when Jim and his Spock come to the bridge side by side. Jim is laughing about something, and Kirk can see a little smirk on his husband's face, the kind that wrinkles his eyes and typically he reserves just for Kirk. It's not exactly something he can address on the bridge however, but still he notes the way Jim claps Commander Spock on the arm before trotting up to him with the stack of faked dossiers.  
  
"Once the Cardassians make contact, inform them that a shuttle from the USS. Caligari was downed several years ago. That is the name of the ship that made first contact with their species," Commander Spock informs him as he comes to stand at his other side, and Jim drifts off to make eyes at Yeoman Rand. "These are the names of the officers who were on board the shuttle. While we have their attention, Mr. Scott will beam down the falsified evidence, and--" he pauses, grimacing for a moment and holding the side of his head. The younger Spock notes that Jim also squints and rubs a hand against his eye in the same moment.  
  
"Everything alright, Commander?" Kirk asks, turning to his husband with concern written across his face. Across the bridge he sees the younger version of himself turn too and he wants to tell him to get lost, that he isn't needed here and isn't supposed to be on the bridge anyway, but he's more concerned for the Commander at the moment.  
  
Spock takes a few deep breaths, his eyes closing as he waits for the ache to subside. "I am alright, captain," he says, blinking lights out of his eyes. "Headache. My apologies. As I was saying, Mr. Scott will beam down the evidence. The cave in question is located beneath one of the Cardassian's communication towers, so we will beam down directly outside, as the interference from the tower makes it unsafe to attempt to beam and living person directly into the chamber."  
  
"Once inside," the younger Spock takes over, giving the clearly struggling Commander a chance to pause and rub at his temple. "We will immediately set to mining. With any luck it should take no longer than an hour. Without the need to hide the fact that we are there, we will be able to work quickly and efficiently."  
  
"Excellent. Lieutenant Uhura, begin hailing the Cardassians. Kirk," The captain says, getting the attention of the younger man whose head snaps up from where he's been whispering something into Rand's ear. "Get the hell off my bridge."  
  
The younger man rolls his eyes and with a little smug satisfaction the older captain watches him slink off to the turbolift, the doors sliding shut behind him as he's exiled from the bridge once more. "Hopefully that will help your headache Commander Spock."  
  
"Somewhat, captain," Spock says, massaging the bridge of his nose for a moment. "The connection has been... trying. Distance and proximity do not always have an effect on it."  
  
"The effects of the strained link have been worsening," the younger Spock says rather than asks, and he doesn't sound particularly sympathetic about it.  
  
"Considerably," the older Spock admits. "However, it is not unmanageable."  
  
"When this is over Spock, we're going to do something about that. I need you at your best and whatever needs to happen to make that happen, you're going to do it," Kirk says in a tone that says he doesn't expect and won't allow any argument. "I can't stand to see you in pain like this."  
  
Gripping the side of his console, Spock leans most of his weight on one foot and grinds the heel of his palm into his eye. "Yes captain," he says, his voice soft and somewhat croaky.  
  
The moment that contact is made with the Cardassians, he's back upright, as if nothing is the matter whatsoever, standing beside Kirk's chair. The image of the Cardassian comes into focus on the viewscreen and Kirk is treated to the sight of a rather unattractive reptillian man scowling back at him.  
  
"Starfleet," he says, his voice heavily accented. "What is the meaning of this?"  
  
"My name is Captain James Kirk of the USS Enterprise, I am here as a peaceful representative of Starfleet. Some years ago the USS Caligari made contact with your people, I'm sure you remember. Their shuttle crash landed in this area and Starfleet has only just approved a mission to retrieve the personal effects of the men lost in that crash. It is extremely important to the families of those lost that their personal belongings be recovered and brought back to them so they can be properly honored." Kirk says, sitting up straight in his chair as he addresses the stranger on the view screen, his face a neutral mask as he rattles off the lies like they're nothing.  
  
The younger Spock watches Kirk curiously from afar. He's just as capable a liar as his own Kirk, though with a certain kind of gravitas about him that he can only attribute to the man's advanced age compared to his own captain. He has no boyish wit, only a mature, seasoned confidence that cannot be faked. It makes his stomach feel warm.  
  
"Captain," the man on the screen's lip curls slightly. "I am Commissioner Pilmor Majam. We remember the Caligari, but we don't remember a shuttle."  
  
"It would not have been public record," Spock adds to his captain's lies flawlessly. "They were attempting to bypass your notice of a transporter signal by taking a shuttle in a recon mission to the surface, in order to rescue the two crew members you had captured on your planet at the time, Carlos Payne and Thomas Randall."  
  
The Cardassian is silent for a moment as another one of his kind leans in to the frame and mutters something into his ear. He nods, whispering something back and looking back at the screen.  
  
"And you aren't here to attempt to retalliate for the lives of your officers? You expect me to believe that?" Majam sneers.  
  
"We have no desire to enact hostilities at this time. Too many lives have been lost." Kirk says, raising a hand in a gesture he hopes is universally reassuring. "We only wish to collect their dog tags, to bring home symbols of their bravery and service for their grieving families."  
  
"Surely, given the importance of family structures in your own society, you can understand the need for this," Spock adds.  
  
The Cardassian on the screen looks surprised, and maybe even a little bit humbled. "You know of our family customs?"  
  
Kirk cuts in again, "We have heard of how you prize the wisdom of elders, the structure and stability of the family. We hoped you would understand the need to mourn the loss of that potential and those family members. It's very important to us that they be remembered."  
  
Majam confers for a moment with his consul in a language too soft-spoken for the translator to pick up on it, before nodding and turning back to the screen.  
  
"Very well, captain. We understand this... and we admire you for doing your research," Majam says, and Kirk has to physically hold himself back from rolling his eyes over knowing how insufferably smug Jim is going to be about all this later when he hears about it. "Will you require our assistance?"  
  
"It is not required, but it would be welcome," Spock says. "I will be beaming down personally along with my son, as well as a small team of geologists with excavation equipment, in the hopes to uncover the buried shuttle and any bodies that may remain. Coordinates are being sent to you now for our landing location."  
  
"I will assemble a team to meet you there," Majam says with a short nod. "A pleasure, gentlemen."  
  
The connection cuts, and as soon as it does, Scotty's voice blips in through the comm link on Kirk's chair. "The shuttle and tags are planted, sir," he says. "I hope this works. Getting a whole shuttle down there unnoticed wasn't easy. I'd hate for my talents to go to waste."  
  
"I had the utmost faith in you Scotty, I owe you a bottle of Scotch next time we stop somewhere that stocks the real stuff," Kirk assures him before cutting the connection. He looks over at the two Spocks, trying not to seem too nervous but his concern filters through the link he shares with the commander. "You two be safe, alright? This should be an easy mission. I want you both back up here with the rest of the team in one hour with no complications, understand?"  
  
"Yes sir," Spock nods, echoed by his older counterpart almost in unison with an "Aye captain."  
  
The two of them head down to the transporter room, where they're met by the three other science officers who will be helping them. The beam materializes them down in front of the communication tower, and Spock immediately makes contact with his communicator, his voice coming through staticky and coarse.  
  
"We have landed, captain," he says. "Commissioner Majam is here. We will not be able to maintain contact while inside the cavern, but we will contact you to let you know when we have completed the recovery mission. Spock out."  
  
Kirk does his best to keep his mind occupied as they begin their mission, tending to some paperwork he's been putting off for some time now-- anything to keep from thinking about the two Spocks planetside in a hostile environment. He filters loving, supportive thoughts down in Spock's direction every time he feels a little echo of the twinges of pain Spock is getting from the strained connection with Jim.  
  
He's been feeling them for some time now, and it's only been getting worse. His concern for Spock has grown exponentially along with the ever-increasing size of the poor man's headache. He knows Spock doesn't want to break his connection with Jim, and on the one hand he understands his desire to leave it intact so he doesn't split the connection for Jim and the older version of this very self-same Spock in his own universe-- but on the other hand he's never had to share Spock's mind before, and he's still not really used to it.  
  
He's knocked out of his thoughts on the matter however, when an agonizing pain hits him across the head so hard that his vision swims, and he actually whips his head around to look behind him, because he could have sworn that he'd just been struck with something. Gripping the edge of his chair after nearly toppling out of it, he rubs sorely at the back of his head, and then realizes in a panicked moment later that he can't feel Spock anymore. The connection is still there, but it feels akin to when Spock goes into a meditation while Kirk is still awake. He recognizes the sensation as Spock's unconsciousness.  
  
No sooner is he putting together the details than Jim comes running back onto the bridge, with the same panicked look on his face as Kirk's. "Permission to-- bridge whatever--" he says, practically vaulting over the railing to get beside Kirk. "You felt that too?"  
  
"I felt it," Kirk says, looking up at his younger counterpart and standing out of his seat. "It felt like getting brained with a concrete brick. Lieutenant, you're sure you can't contact the landing party?"  
  
"There's just too much interference from the communications tower," Uhura shakes her head, her expression concerned. "I can try to contact the tower to..." she trails off, frowning. "Sir, they're hailing us."  
  
"Onscreen," Kirk turns back to the window, just as a staticky off-kilter picture of a different Cardassian projects across the window at an awkward angle, the window behind his head shattered.  
  
"Captain--" the signal is weak and flickering, both the image and audio buzzing in and out of static. "Terrible news-- cave in-- collapse-- sink hole-- fear that your-- lost-- apologies--"  
  
Jim’s stomach sinks and he looks over at Kirk who actually looks back and he knows they’re thinking the same thing. A cave in. The pain in their heads, Spock is hurt. Badly hurt. There’s no way of knowing the state of the other Spock or the rest of the crewmen who beamed down with them but just knowing that one Spock is in trouble is enough to know the rest can’t be in much better shape.  
  
But something about it doesn’t sit right with Jim. He can’t say why, but there’s something about this story that doesn’t feel right. Through the dull pain still at the back of his head he can hear Kirk responding to the Cardassian and saying something to Uhura, barking orders, moving into captain mode but it isn’t right. What he’s doing isn’t right.  
  
“Kirk,” Jim says, grabbing his older counterpart's arm. “Something is off about this.”  
  
"Of course something is off about this, Spock is hurt," Kirk says, shaking Jim's hand off his arm. "I can't maintain contact with the Cardassians with their communication tower half-collapsed, I'm going to beam down and help them excavate our team out. I'll be able to follow the bondlink to Spock's location better than any of their equipment could."  
  
"No I mean, the sink hole doesn't feel right. We scanned this area, we would have known if it was unstable. And why do they only have one communications tower? They should still be able to get a frequency out, it's not as if they're transmitting across deep space." Jim argues, following close on Kirk's heels as they board the turbolift. "This is a set up."  
  
"You felt Spock lose consciousness too," Kirk says as they step off the lift and head towards the transporter room. "I'm not going down alone, I'll be bringing a security team with me. Even if it is a setup, I'm not going to abandon either my Spock or yours on this planet. You saw the state of that hail they sent us, _something_ happened to their tower. If you know something I don't know I'm listening, but I'm not going to abandon my husband _or_ your first officer because you have a _hunch_."  
  
"I'm not saying abandon them, of course not! But going down there right now is asking for trouble. I don't have proof but I feel it in my gut Kirk. You're walking right into an ambush, mark my words," Jim says, stopping outside the transporter while Kirk climbs the steps up into the machine, seemingly unphased by his warnings. "You aren't going to do either of them any favors this way."  
  
"And if it isn't a setup, if they're telling the truth?" Kirk says, tying his sash around his hips. "What if we hit a fault line while mining and caused this collapse? Both of our first officers as well as the science team could be suffocating under a landslide as we speak. I'm not willing to take the chance to wait around for confirmation of their status and waste precious minutes-- would you if it was your ship?"  
  
"I wouldn't have stayed up here in the first place if it was my ship," Jim says, not meaning for it to come out as an accusation but from the way Kirk's jaw tightens he knows that's how he's taking it.  
  
"That's exactly the kind of reckless attitude I'd expect to hear from a boy who didn't earn his ship the honest way," He jabs right back. "Energize, Mr. Scott."  
  
Scotty does so with a grimace, watching as Jim's shoulder slump the moment Kirk and his team are gone. There's a moment of silence before he speaks up. "You know, when I was your age, I was nearly discharged from Starfleet altogether because I punched my first-ever commanding officer right across the gobber."  
  
"The Scotty in my universe was marooned on a frozen planet for illegally transporting an admiral's dog across the galaxy. I'm glad at least one of us is still the same person across all these time lines." Jim says, clapping Scotty on the shoulder. "Thanks Scotty."  
  
"To be clear, I'm not _endorsin_' you to punch Jimbo in the mouth," Scotty grins and shrugs a shoulder. "I'm just sayin' _if_ it t'were to happen, I wouldn't be surprised."  
  
"I think my therapist, which is to say my Bones back home, would have way to much to say about me punching myself in the mouth for insulting my own captaincy," Jim laughs but it comes out forced and hollow. "Do me a favor and keep an eye on his signal alright Scotty? Something is going to go wrong down there, I'm sure of it."  
  
"Aye cap-- er-- yes sir," Scotty nods, as Jim turns around to go do... something with himself in the meantime. Would it be mutinous to return to the bridge, he has to wonder? Almost definitely-- so that's the direction he heads. 


	13. Chapter 13

To Kirk's credit, he had entertained the possibility that the Cardassians were planning an ambush even before Jim brought it up. He didn't have anything more than captain's intuition to back it up, the same as his younger counterpart, and so he'd tried to resist the urge to put his eggs into that basket-- but he _had_ anticipated the possibility of resistance.  
  
Which is why when he beamed down it was phaser-armed, and he managed to stun three Cardassians with phaser bursts before they disarmed him, and he knocked out another two before they finally overpowered him and his security officers. Still, five downed single-handedly isn't anything to sneeze at, even if he can feel the sheer, overpowering magnitude of Jim's smug satisfaction from here when he finds out what happened-- because he has no doubt that he will somehow find out.  
  
Left alone on the bridge, anxious and unawares, and so far avoiding the very strong urge to sit in the Big Chair, Jim is pacing around waiting to hear from Kirk as his counterpart is dragged off to a prison cell alongside both Spocks, and both teams of science and security officers.  
  
"Still nothing," Uhura shakes her head when Jim asks for the fifth time in twenty minutes. "I'm not recieving any transmissions whatsoever, and their communications tower has gone completely dark. I can't get ahold of anyone."  
  
"Keep trying." Jim says, adding hastily, "Please." Because he isn't the captain, he can't make orders here and everything Uhura is doing is purely out of the goodness of her heart to indulge him. He knows that, he respects and appreciates that and makes it known with a smile and a soft thank you every time she updates him.  
  
The not knowing is killing him though, there has to be something he can do. He forgoes the captain's chair and instead takes the empty seat at the science station, Spock's chair, and closes his eyes, seeking out the link in the back of his mind. Maybe if he can get through to Spock he can find something, hear or feel something that will help them.  
  
He finds the link, like a weak trail of light at the back of his mind, a line of dimly glowing silver flickering and weak and he follows it back to its source as best he can. It's difficult, as faint as it is but he manages to find his way back to Spock's mind and-  
  
Pain. Hot, searing pain erupts in his head and he almost shouts but manages to clench his jaw together so tightly he's sure he hears his teeth crack under the strain. He clutches his head and doubles forward in the chair, nearly falling to the floor from the intensity of the sudden burst of pain, doubled by what he knows is Spock feeling, too. He lets go of the link, falling back into his own head too fast and feeling dizzy as the pain fades to a dull throbbing.  
  
He opens his eyes to see the entire bridge crew looking at him and says weakly, "Good news, Spock's still alive. But his head is killing him."  
  
"You don't look much better," Sulu says, as Chekov stands up from his seat in concern, and Rand quickly fetches a glass of cold water to hand off to Jim. In the time Jim's been here he's made friends with most of them, but he still can't help but feel like an impostor, being tended to on the bridge of another man's ship by copies of his own crew.  
  
He takes the water and gulps it down, already feeling a little better as he waves them off. "It's my own fault. Shouldn't go poking around in someone else's head without permission. At least they're still alive. If he's alive I have to assume the rest of them are too."  
  
"What is the plan?" Chekov asks, sinking back down into his seat, and Jim realizes all at once that all eyes on the bridge are turned to him, looking for guidance. Looking for orders.  
  
"We trust the captain," Jim says firmly. He might not like what Kirk did, he might not even like Kirk but this isn't his bridge. It isn't his crew to lead. "Kirk went down there to get the Spocks back and right now we have to believe he will. We keep trying to reach their comms and if we don't hear back from them in an hour we prepare to send in a rescue team covertly. We're not telling the Cardassians we're coming this time and we'll get our people back. But right now we sit tight and let the captain do his job."  
  
The crew don't seem entirely satisfied by that answer-- but neither is Jim. They're all in the same boat together, figuratively and literally, but Jim just doesn't feel comfortable usurping Kirk while he's away, even in times of mild distress. Not until he has some kind of solid proof that something is wrong is he going to lift a damn finger-- otherwise he'll never hear the end of it from the captain.  
  
He can't hear it when Spock falls to his knees in agony, but he can certainly _feel_ it. Fortunately, he isn't the Kirk who has to see it when it happens.  
  
Knees strike concrete when Jim tried to make that connection with Spock and he doubles over in agony, clutching his head. He feels his husband's hand on his back, the cold steel of his manacles pleasant on his burning skin as he struggles to catch his breath.  
  
"He is... trying to reach out to me," Spock says, lifting his head with hazy eyes to look at Kirk. They're all worse for wear, the Cardassians had done a number on Kirk's face, and Spock's head is still splitting in agony from where they'd struck him over the skull to knock him out.  
  
"Damn fine timing," Kirk grumbles, kneeling down beside Spock. They don't have much time before the Cardassians catch up to them. Spock had gotten them out of their cell by bending the bars along with his younger counterpart, but the alarm was already blaring and even he can hear the shouts of their captors coming for them.  
  
He glances over his shoulder at the younger Spock and the security teams waiting for them and gestures for them to keep going. If they can get out of the prison they were moved to the Enterprise should be able to lock on to their signal and beam them up. "Can you stand?" he asks the commander.  
  
"I can stand..." Spock says, but even as he says it, a trickle of emerald green blood drips from his nose and down off his chin.  
  
The younger Spock hears the guards running for them, but Kirk won't stand up from his husband's side, exhibiting very worrying symptoms indeed. "I will make certain you are rescued," he says, unable to risk waiting any longer, and with a nod from Kirk, he turns to flee with the rest of the officers.  
  
"Jim," Spock labors, feeling dizzier by the second. "Escape with them, if you wait for me to gather my strength they will catch you."  
  
"No," Kirk says firmly, standing up and putting himself between his husband and the oncoming Cardassians. He's unarmed but he raises his fists in preparation for a fight, he isn't going to let them take them that easily. "I'm not leaving you Spock. We go home together."  
  
"Or not at all?" Spock wipes the blood from his nose.  
  
"Let's not be so grim, Mr. Spock," Kirk says, trying to sound optimistic.  
  
The science and security teams are beamed up first at Spock's behest, followed right after by the vulcan himself, and no sooner is Scotty informing Jim that he's managed to grab the officers, than Spock is hurrying out of the turbolift and nearly into the arms of Jim. The split in his lip that had been given to him on the Romulan ship has been reopened, and he has a new circle bruise around the opposite eye to match the fading one around his left, but otherwise he looks relatively unharmed.  
  
"Jim," he gasps, out of breath. "The Cardassians came for us in the cave. I have given the coordinates of the prison we were kept in to the transporter room, with any luck they will be able to rescue Commander Spock and Captain Kirk."  
  
"Great work Spock, we'll get them back up here in no time." Jim assures him, grasping the Vulcan's arms just below his shoulders. All the animosity between them is forgotten in those moment while he inspects the Vulcan's face, taking in his injuries. He doesn't look too bad but he'll need to take a trip down to sickbay after this is over anyway. "Spock take over the science station for now I want you running scans in case they move them out of the prison."  
  
He releases Spock's shoulders so he can go to the science station as ordered and Jim himself moves to the big chair. "Uhura, scan all frequencies coming into and out of the planet, looking for anything strange, they took our people captive for a reason and I want to know why. Sulu, Chekov, I want phasers armed and as soon as Scotty gets the captain and Commander Spock up here I want shields up. I think we can expect some retaliation before we get out of here."  
  
There's a chorus of 'aye captain' from all over the bridge as everyone snaps to attention to do as they're bidden, as if they've been taking orders from Jim all their lives.  
  
"Sir, there's a warship headed our direction," Chekov announces. "No-- two warships!"  
  
"If we don't bring up shield sir, they'll rip right through us," Sulu says as Kirk starts to blare a red alert through the ship.  
  
"But if we bring them up, we will not be able to rescue the captain and first officer," Spock retorts without looking up from his station.  
  
"Uhura, hail them. We're going to stall, gentlemen." Jim says, praying to something in the universe that this is going to work.  
  
"They aren't answering, sir," Uhura replies a moment later as Sulu starts to take evasive action from weapons fire. A moment later she calls, "Wait-- I'm picking something up. A romulan transmission?"  
  
"Can you translate it?" Kirk asks before giving Sulu the order to fire. He hits a button on the chair to call down to the transporter room. "Mr. Scott, any luck getting Kirk and Spock back up so we can get our ass out of here?"  
  
"None so far, sir!" Scotty's voice comes over the comm. "I'm afraid they put up some kind of shielding over the prison! I'm trying to get through it, but it's gonnae take me a minute!"  
  
"The romulans are... coming for Spock and the captain," Uhura says, holding her hand against her earpiece so she can hear it more clearly, blocking out her other ear from the alarm. "The Cardassians are holding them prisoner... to hand them over... as some kind of gift of war. It's hard to hear, that's all I could pick up."  
  
"I think that says more than enough, thank you Lieutenant." Jim says grimly. Nothing in the Starfleet databanks had mentioned the Cardassians being aligned with the Romulans. "We really need better info on these alliances. Mr. Chekov fire at will. Sulu maintain evasive action. Everyone, brace for impact, without our shields any hit we take is gonna be a big one."  
  
"Aye captain!" Chekov pops off a few lasers in the direction of one of the warships, while Sulu does everything in his power to prevent them from flanking the Enterprise.  
  
A laser comes perilously close to the hull, enough so that the computer gives them a proximity warning, but a moment later Scotty's triumphant voice comes through the comm.  
  
"I gottit, captain! Er-- Jim! Energizin' now!"  
  
"I want shields up the _second_ they're on board Mr. Sulu," Jim shouts over the rumble of the ship as they're clipped by another laser.  
  
"I've got--" Scotty starts, and then curses. "I've only got Mr. Spock, Jim! Spock, where's the captain?"  
  
The transmission shuts off then as a phaser hits the hull dead center, rocking the entire ship. The computer warns of a hull breach in the uppermost deck, and then informs them that the hole has been sealed by a force shield without any crew casualties-- so far so good.  
  
"Shields up, we'll drop them when we find the captain," Jim decides as the lights all across the bridge flicker. They can't afford to take many hits like that, or they'll be torn apart.  
  
Spock arrives on the bridge a moment later, and the younger Spock relinquishes his station over to him. A green smear across Spock's cheek from his nose tells Jim everything he needs to know about the headache currently splitting his own skull wide open, and the effect it's having on Spock, who looks back over his shoulder at Jim.  
  
"They took him, to punish him for escaping," he says, his voice croaking and exhausted. "He's still inside the prison, but we will have to manually locate him and make it through the cycling transporter encryption before they move him again. They're _torturing_ him, Jim--"  
  
“We’ll get him back Spock.” Jim cuts him off. “I _promise_. Mr. Spock, I need you to go down to engineering see if you can help Mr. Scott get past that encryption, it can’t be any worse than that cycling Romulan code on their shuttle and you got past that. Commander, if you’re up for it we need continuous scans of the planet looking for human life signs so we can find where they moved him to. Can you do that?” He asks the older Spock, knowing his head is still splitting and the emotional toll of his bondmate being tortured is only making it worse.  
  
"I can," the older Spock says, as the younger makes a break for the turbolift to do as bidden.  
  
"Sir, they're still trying to flank us," Sulu calls over the rumbling of ship engines and phaser fire bouncing off their shields.  
  
"If I could just get a direct hit on their hull--" Chekov grips his console to keep from being thrown from his seat when a torpedo rocks the ship. "I might be able to blast open the bridge and vent them into space."  
  
"Aim for their weapons Chekov." Jim counters, returning to the chair. "Weapons and engines. I want them left alive."  
  
"Alive, sir?" Chekov looks back over his shoulder to see Jim's expression, serious as ever. "Aye captain-- if you say so."  
  
"They're not going to return the favor and be merciful," Sulu says as he lurches the Enterprise away from a volley of phaser blasts.  
  
"I am aware of that Mr. Sulu thank you for the reminder," Kirk says, not quite snapping but his tone reminding everyone who the captain is... at the moment. "But we still haven't gotten what we came here for and having a ship full of their people at our mercy would make a nice bargaining chip don't you think?"  
  
"Yessir," Sulu says as he swings the ship around in time to catch one of the Cardassian ships off guard, and Chekov blasts the single, square nacelle on the back. In an explosion of sparks, the ship flickers and then goes dark, and Chekov shouts something triumphant in russian.  
  
"Sir, the downed ship is hailing us," Uhura says, looking back over her shoulder.  
  
"The second warship is still in pursuit," Spock reminds him as they watch another array of phaser fire zing past their windshield from behind them.  
  
"Uhura open up communications, Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, get that ship off our ass." Jim orders calmly, smiling just a little proudly at how well his (but not his) crew is doing.  
  
"The frequency is weak, sir," Uhura warns, but puts it up on the screen, leaving the job of piloting the ship entirely on the pilot and navigator's sensors, without the use of the window.  
  
On screen a furious Cardassian comes into focus, baring his teeth. Behind him his bridge is in chaos, a small explosion in an overloaded console sends a shower of sparks through the air, and someone behind him starts patting the flames off their sleeve.  
  
"We still have your man!" he sneers. "Disable your weapons and shields and surrender or we'll have him killed! Don't test us, starfleet!"  
  
Spock looks up from his station, the emotion and pain in his head preventing him from being able to modulate his expression. He looks panicked.  
  
"First, you're bluffing." Jim says casually, leaning back in the chair and ignoring the panic he can feel filtering through the bond he shares with Spock. "You're dead in the water we both know it, and I've got you in my sights. Second, my crew is taking care of your other ship right now and you'll both be stranded out here, at my mercy. Which, luckily for you I have in spades and I am willing to negotiate. Third, we know our _man_ is not on your ship and I could take you out much faster than you could send the order down to kill him. And I never really liked him anyway so that's a weak argument to begin with. So are you willing to hear my terms?"  
  
"You would abandon your own soldier because of your _personal feelings_?" The Cardassian sneers.  
  
Chekov shouts again, nearly jumping out of his seat this time in excitement. "Second warship disabled, sir!"  
  
Spock makes a wounded noise from his console, gripping his own arm as he looks back at Jim. "I believe they broke his arm, Jim."  
  
"You're alone out here captain. You and your other ship are both disabled and I'm sitting pretty, so I'd be thankful for my 'personal feelings' right now, as they're the only things keeping you and your crew alive." Jim says, his tone hardening. "Now, will you hear our terms?"  
  
"Fine," the Cardassian snarls. "Tell us your _terms_."  
  
"First you are going to call down to your guys on the surface and tell them to let us beam up the captain and send us over the coordinates. You will do this on screen with me so my excellent communications officer can make sure nothing untoward is happening at the same time. If you don't or if you try to cheat us we will blast you out of the sky. If the captain is not alive when we beam him back up, we will blast you out of the sky. That is demand number one." Jim begins.  
  
"You have a _list?"_ The Cardassian looks enraged.  
  
"I have two ships in my sights, I get two demands," Jim says, sounding more than a little smug.  
  
"We will hear you. That does not mean you will _get_ anything," the other captain volleys right back.  
  
"Fair enough." Jim shrugs. "Demand number two, we beam down a party to complete the very nice peaceful mission we came here for. We will be in constant communication with them. If we lose contact or hear them so much as stub their toes while they're down there retrieving the crew's personal effects, well I think you get it by now."  
  
The Cardassian shouts something back over his shoulder that the translator doesn't quite pick up on, and the transmission drops. Uhura tries to get it back, but shakes her head when Jim looks over at her. "No luck, sir. They've blocked our hail."  
  
The ship around them starts to vibrate and hum, and then very slowly drift, and Sulu taps a few buttons on his console before casting a confused look back at Jim. "They've both locked onto us with their tractor beams. They're pulling us in."  
  
"To do _what?"_ Chekov squints in confusion as his console. "Their ships are smaller than the Enterprise combined... and they barely have the power to maintain this kind of pull."  
  
"Their weapons are disabled," Spock says, frowning down into his console, until his eyes widen as he scans the ships. "They're both putting their warp cores into meltdown, sir. By the time we are within range, the ships will explode, and we will be caught in the blast."  
  
"Well, we gave them a shot. They've opted for the suicide mission instead. Mr. Chekov, Sulu, think you can break us out of that beam?" Jim asks while he taps on his chair to call down to the transporter room. "Spock, any luck finding Kirk down there?"  
  
"We've found him, sir," Spock says. "We are trying to break through the transporter encryption in order to beam him up as we speak."  
  
"We could break out of one tractor beam, but two-- not possible," Sulu says, mopping sweat from his brow. "The strain could tear us in half. They're pouring everything they've got into maintaining those beams."  
  
"Sir," Chekov turns his chair to look at Jim. "If I could beam over to one of their ships, I could manually shut down the warp override! There are two ships and only one of me-- but if we maintain communications, I could talk another officer through it step by step with me. We will have to work very quickly, we have less than two minutes before they will drag us close enough for their explosion to hurt us."  
  
"Alright, let's go," Jim says, jumping out of the chair and heading for the turbolift, as if it's a forgone conclusion that he will be the other officer in this equation. "Sulu you keep us as far away from those ships for as long as you can."  
  
"I'll do my best captain," Sulu says as Kirk and Chekov run to the lift. They waste no time with leisurely walks, sprinting directly to the transporter room, where a very surprised Spock and Scotty look up from the transporter console.  
  
"Beam us onto those ships, one each," Jim says as they arm themselves with phasers and headsets that will maintain constant contact. "Put us as close to their warp cores as you can without putting us inside them."  
  
"Aye sir," Scotty says, sounding confused, but unwilling to question or disobey orders, even from a captain that isn't strictly his.  
  
"We are going to be exposed to high levels of radiation beside melting warp cores, so with any luck their engineering bays should have been evacuated-- but we should not be exposed long enough for it to seriously harm us!" Chekov warns as the transporter beam starts to activate, the headsets affording their conversation to continue even as they're both tossed like lawn darts into the engineering section of either Cardassian ship.  
  
As the ship comes back into focus, there are only two Cardassians on Jim's ship, while Chekov's is luckily abandoned. Two quick stun-bursts to the chest drops them both before they can even react to Jim's presence, and he runs to the console beside the screaming, burning core.  
  
"I hope you have some experience with engineering, sir!" Chekov's voice sounds a little strained over the headset. "Unlatch the warp decelerator and twist it .022 centimeters to the left exactly-- and prime the core ejector fractals! Wait until the readout is at 98.6% saturation-- do you see the big red button in the center that says do not push?"  
  
"I see it!" Jim confirms.  
  
"Push it!"  
  
Both ships are rocked hard enough that it throws them to the ground, Chekov into the side of a cannister that falls on top of him, and Jim right off the side of a catwalk that he has to desperately grip with both hands to keep from being dropped into the churning warp core underneath him.  
  
"That do it Mr. Chekov?" He asks through gritted teeth, trying to pull himself up back onto the catwalk. One of his shoulders is definitely dislocated again. _That's what you get for popping it back into its socket yourself Jim instead of seeing the doctor_, he chides himself as it screams in pain while he pulls himself up.  
  
There's no response from Chekov and his heart starts to race, thinking that maybe something went wrong, maybe he went over the edge on his ship and has been lost. He heard a thunk he thought, but he isn't sure now. Jim pulls himself back up onto the catwalk and calls for Scotty. "Scott, can you get a reading on Chekov?"  
  
"I've gottim, sir!" Scotty calls back. "I've also got readings on a troupe of Cardassians headed your way-- I'm bringin' you both back."  
  
Chekov is laid out on his side, unconscious on the transporter pad when Jim rematerializes on his knees, and is immediately knocked flat on his ass when the ship lurches. Sulu's voice calls from the bridge, "We broke out of range of the beams, captain! Whatever you did over there, it worked!"  
  
"I have almost cracked the encryption," Spock says without looking up from the console, and Scotty immediately gets back to work on his side of the controls. "I recommend full warp away from our position once we have him on board."  
  
"Excellent work, all of you," Jim says, panting a little from the pain and effort of pulling himself up onto the catwalk. He wastes no time hurrying over to Chekov though, pulling the younger man's arm over his shoulders and hoisting him up to pull him off the transporter pad. "Get Kirk onboard and then lets get the hell out of here. Computer, call sickbay, I need McCoy down here immediately with a full team for the captain and Chekov."  
  
The next time the transporter starts to buzz, McCoy is just entering the transporter room, and a grisly scene materializes in front of them. Laid out shirtless on his back, he's slick with a cold sweat that any of them can guess is from the array of lamprey-like creatures attached to his skin across his chest and stomach. He's pale and barely conscious, both his cheekbone and his forearm discolored with the same kind of horrible bruising that comes from a broken bone.  
  
"Jesus H. Christ," McCoy's already at his side almost before he's finished transporting in, and he has to catch himself on his palms to keep from collapsing on Kirk when the ship lurches away from the planet at warp 5. "Do you even know what these are? Can I get 'em off you?"  
  
"Think they called them... cidonian leeches..." Kirk mumbles, barely aware of what's happening around him.  
  
McCoy throws a look back at Spock, who shakes his head. "I would recommend killing the leeches before attempting to disengage them from his skin, or their teeth could do serious damage."  
  
"Get em both down to sickbay," he says, standing up as his medical team takes over to move Chekov and Kirk onto stretchers, and he waves his scanner over Spock. "You too, when you get the chance. Your condition isn't serious, but if you leave those ribs untreated you could bleed internally. And you," he looks back at Kirk. "I got bad news. Walk with me."  
  
They make it to the lift just as Kirk's stretcher is being pushed on board, and with both Jims in range, McCoy sighs. "You remember that kid that got burnt up when you engaged that Romulan ship about a week ago? Ensign Trembley? When our power flickered, his life support failed. He's dead, Jim."  
  
Jim’s heart sinks and he feels a wave of nausea that has nothing to do with the pain in his shoulder or radiating from the link he shares with Spock. He looks down, clenches his fist as his side and tightening his jaw to keep from cursing. He thought they’d managed to make it out of this with everyone alive. He thought he’d done well enough, proved he could take command and do the job and get them all home safe but a man had died under his command and the thought makes him want to be sick.  
  
“I’m sorry,” He grits out to Bones. “I should have thought of that before we engaged the Cardassians. I’m sorry.”  
  
The turbolift stops at sickbay and everyone has to hurry out and get to work and jim hangs back to leave them to it. He doesn’t have a place here getting in the way of the doctors busily saving Kirk’s life and seeing to Chekov. He orders the lift back up to the bridge instead, trying to calm himself before he has to face the crew.  
  
When the doors open, Spock is already standing there at the door. He looks as exhausted as Jim does, and he helps him down the ramp unsteadily. "The captain is on board?"  
  
Sulu looks past Jim into the elevator, and feels his stomach drop. "Where's Pavel?"  
  
"The captain is on board, he's alive. McCoy is working on him." Jim assures Spock, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder. He looks over at Sulu and gives him a weary smile. "Chekov is okay, he got a bump on the head on his ship, knocked him out so he's down in sickbay but he'll be fine."  
  
Sulu looks like he desperately wants to ask to leave to go to Chekov, but he knows he has to maintain his post at the helm when they're still this deep into enemy territory.  
  
"The Romulans will be expecting us," Spock says, massaging a hand into his temple, looking perhaps the most worn down out of all of them. "The Cardassians informed them of our position, and our only choices are to return the way we came and hope for the best, or greatly extend our trip by going around the neutral zone. As the captain is still unfit for duty, I believe we have no choice but to defer to your judgement on the matter, at least until further notice."  
  
"We aren't in much of a position to engage in many more firefights right now. Not with the captain injured, and you aren't at your best, no offense Mr. Spock, and the ship has already taken a beating." Jim leans against the captain's chair rather than taking a seat in it while he thinks. "It'll extend the trip but it'll give us time to make repairs and get everyone back in shape, and maybe find another source of the isotope because if I'm correct we still don't have a way to get me and my Spock home right? Let's take the long way."  
  
"Actually," Spock says thoughtfully as Sulu starts plotting a course around the neutral zone. "We may have managed to mine just enough decalithium . It depends on whether it was stripped from us, but if any of the science team managed to collect it, there is a chance we brought it back aboard with us. Your Mr. Spock might know better than I. In either case, we do not have the energy or the means to begin any kind of treatment of the substance now, and with my partner back on board, I leave you in charge. I need to see him."  
  
When the doors close behind Spock, Jim is left on the bridge feeling more lost than ever before. He might have gotten them out of that situation nearly unscathed, but he still can't help but feel like all of this is his fault to begin with. If he and Spock had never come to this world, Trembley would still be alive, and the effects of their encounters with the Romulans and Cardassians could ripple indefinitely in this world. He doesn't even have his Spock to turn to, the other vulcan has probably already reported to sickbay by now. Even surrounded by friends as he is, he feels suffocatingly, brutally alone.


	14. Chapter 14

With confidence, Spock can say that his least favorite place on either Enterprise is sickbay. This McCoy looks at him with the same kind of distaste that their McCoy back home does, but this one also watches him with a note of pity in his eyes that Spock despises. He fixes up Spock's ribs for him with a patronizing level of concern, concern that he knows is attributed to his age alone, but he hardly has the energy to get into a debate on the subject.   
  
As he leaves the back room, he finds that Commander Spock appears to have fallen asleep beside Kirk's cot, with his arms crossed over his chest, leaned sideways against the wall beside him. In a rare moment of lucidity, however, the captain seems to be awake, blinking blearily around the sickbay.   
  
Spock approaches the bed and announces his presence with a soft, "Sir," to get Kirk's attention, hopefully without rousing the unconscious Vulcan on the other side of the cot.   
  
"Mr. Spock." Kirk says, turning his head to look at him. He gives him a little smile, a tad strained but not insincere. He's still bruised and shirtless, his arm immobilized while McCoy's machines work their wonders knitting his bones back together so he can't move much but he uses his free hand to gesture for the Vulcan to come closer. "I heard you got pretty banged up. How are you feeling?"  
  
"I am... functional," Spock says, because it's honestly just about the best he can offer. "I believe I am in better condition than your Spock. Certainly better than you, sir."  
  
Kirk turns a soft smile on his sleeping husband next to him for a moment before looking back at the younger man next to him. "I'll make sure he takes care of himself once McCoy releases me. Shouldn't be too long, I already feel practically ready to get back to work. Another few hours and I should be in top shape again."  
  
"That is a lie," Spock says, standing right at the side of the cot, his brow furrowed. "I believe the machine you are hooked up to alone requires 12 hours in order to repair broken bone, and your condition will require further attention even past that. Have you already been given a blood transfusion? Did the doctor inspect you for any ill effects of the leeches-- are we sure they are not poisoned? What about--"  
  
"Spock," Kirk says, just loud enough to cut off Spock's tirade before he works himself into a very calm Vulcan frenzy. "It was an exaggeration. I expect I'll be out of here tomorrow at the earliest if I can talk McCoy into letting me out against his overbearing better judgement. But I am feeling much better. You got me home in one piece, thank you for that."  
  
"Technically I abandoned you," Spock says, sounding a bit strained. "I am responsible for facilitating the return of your crew to your ship, but I cannot take personal credit alone for your rescue. It was a group effort, and one that only took place after I left you behind on the planet's surface."  
  
"Because I ordered you to. I told you and the crew to go while I stayed behind with Spock. I wasn't going to leave my husband behind, and I wasn't going to cost all of you your lives either. Don't beat yourself up over it." Kirk says, making it sound like an order.  
  
Spock doesn't look convinced. I am not required to listen to or obey your orders, it was simply out of habit that I did. I could have disobeyed you, I could have stayed behind regardless. You could have died. I don't want you to die for this, not for my captain and not for me."  
  
"I didn't. I didn't die, Spock didn't die. None of the away team died," Kirk assures him. "Only Trembley died and that isn't on either of us Spock. It isn't even on your captain, though I heard he took my bridge and ship for himself. That-- that was a very unfortunate result of engaging in combat that no one could have foreseen. But you didn't do anything wrong."  
  
Spock hangs his head for a moment, and then shakes it. "That brand of logic may comfort humans, but it is not good enough for a vulcan. You were tortured as a direct result of my actions. Had I stayed, the situation might have been different. Perhaps you would have been able to fight off the Cardassians with the help of a second able-bodied officer, especially one with physical strength far greater than your own. I refuse the complacent deniability that I had no part in your torture."   
  
"Is it not also illogical to regret the past Mr. Spock?" Kirk asks, raising his eyebrows at Spock. "What's done is done, it can not be undone, isn't that how vulcans see it. Beating yourself up over it isn't going to help anyone. Are you hoping I'm going to be angry with you? Throw you in the brig? Because I really don't have the energy for it."  
  
Spock sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. "I don't know. I find myself displaced. It is... uncommon for a vulcan to regret, but not impossible. If I may speak freely, sir?"  
  
"Of course, Spock," Kirk's voice is soft.   
  
"When you were taken a second time, I am ashamed to admit I felt... fear," Spock says, glancing up to hold Kirk's eye. "I considered disobeying you. I very nearly did, a fact which does not bring me pride. I was afraid that if I walked away from you it would be the last time I would see you."  
  
Kirk looks up at him for a moment and then looks away, sighing. "Spock, I'm... very appreciative of your loyalty to me. Truly, I'm glad you and I have come to be so close, and I'm honored that you feel so strongly for me and my safety. But I would never want you to risk your safety for me any more than I would want any of my crew to. And I have to wonder if this loyalty you feel for me is somewhat...misplaced."  
  
Spock's brow furrows. "If you are implying that I am not loyal to my own captain, you should know that I am capable of compartmentalizing my... _feelings_ for more than one person at a time."  
  
"And just what are those feelings Mr. Spock?" Kirk asks softly.  
  
Spock's jaw tightens as he chews his teeth, and he glances away from Kirk. "Less professional than they should be."  
  
Kirk gives him a little half smile, not really surprised. "For me? Or for your own Jim?"  
  
Spock seems startled by the notion, angling his head like a bird. "I thought I had made clear already that my... erroneous emotions were directed at you, sir."  
  
"You have indeed made that as clear as you can Mr. Spock and I, if you will excuse my language, think it's bullshit." Kirk says, shifting in his bed to get more comfortable. "Have you considered at all that you're using me as a placeholder, as a way to redirect the feelings you have for your own Jim that you don't want to admit to?"  
  
Spock feels his heart rate increase, pounding against his aching ribs, but his expression remains neutral. "I had considered and dismissed it," he says evenly. "You and my captain are extremely disparate individuals. The only thing the two of you share is a name, apart from that the breadth of your differences is monumental. To suggest that you are only a placeholder disregards everything that is special about you, sir."  
  
Kirk sighs softly, but he can't help but smile. "Such as?"  
  
Spock seems embarrassed. "Do you want me to annotate a list?"  
  
"I want to know what you think is so different between your Kirk and me beyond a few years experience and the love of a very patient Vulcan keeping me from executing some of my wilder plans." Kirk clarifies.  
  
"It is difficult to put into words, sir," Spock admits. "I suppose in the simplest terms, you make me feel different than he does. You do not make me feel underappreciated or used. I feel as though you listen to me in a way he does not-- a fact I can only attribute to experience, as you said. You do not have anything to prove, you do not hold a grudge against the universe itself for dealing you a bad hand. You are mature and measured, traits that vulcans respect. Your confidence does not feel like a false, desperate attempt to seem competent in the face of overwhelming inexperience. And furthermore, I find you..." he chooses his words carefully. "Aesthetically appealing."  
  
Kirk listens, keeping his face neutral. He could point out that there’s nothing in there that’s really about him, only judgements against the other version of himself. All minor things that could be easily rectified if the two would talk to each other. He has no doubt Spock finds the younger version of himself aesthetically pleasing as well but, then again it seems almost everyone does.   
  
He could point all this out, point out that he and Spock have none of the passion he seems to share with the young Jim. Because even if right now it comes out in all angry words and near blows there is an undeniable passion between them. Spock will undoubtedly continue to argue his position that he feels nothing for the other James Kirk were he to do so.   
  
Instead he decides to go a different path. The James Kirk path, show don’t tell. There’s only one thing that will get through to Spock if he’s right and hopefully his own Vulcan husband won’t be too angry at him for it. So he raises his free hand to the young Vulcan, two fingers extended in an invitation.  
  
Spock sees those fingers and immediately feels his stomach slam into his throat. If it were anyone else, he might have thought they simply didn't understand the meaning of the gesture, but having a vulcan husband himself, Spock knows that Kirk _knows_. He swallows hard.   
  
"I did not mean to-- I did not endeavor to tempt infidelity--" he says quickly, even as his ears start to burn emerald, his eyes focused on those fingers, almost desperate. "I was simply trying to clarify--"  
  
"I know. It's one kiss Spock, he won't mind. He's bonded to your Jim, I think he can forgive me one little kiss," Kirk says with a quick fond look at the sleeping Vulcan beside his cot.  
  
Spock knows that he shouldn't, it's pushing his luck to even talk about this openly with Kirk, but his craving for validation is nearly as strong as Jim's-- something neither of them would ever admit --and this offer makes him feel something real, something strong. Uncrossing his hands from behind his back, he hesitates just once before allowing his fingertips to make contact with Kirk's.   
  
At once, they are both struck with the other's feelings. Kirk can feel Spock's affection for him, his hunger for Kirk's approval where he feels he's lacking from his own captain, his desire to be close to him and soak up all the warm, confident experience that comes off of him and draws people in like the gravitational pull of a radiant star.   
  
In return Spock can feel Kirk’s own soft affection for him. Not at the same level of passionate love or abiding tenderness he feels for his husband but something gentle and caring, nurturing and proud. Like he’s seeing a mirror of the man he loves and knows everything he can become someday. It’s a different kind of affection than he feels for his first officer, but its no less real.  
  
The two are caught up in the moment, wrapped up in their little bubble as they feel each others emotions, the feedback loop of care and pride and want, so much so that they don’t hear the doors to sickbay slide open. They don’t see Jim stop short just outside the room, his eyes locking onto the place where their hands meet. The way his face falls and his heart plummets and he feels like the ground has suddenly been pulled out from underneath him, they miss all of it. He doesn’t stay long enough for them to see him, turning on his heel and hurrying back out of sickbay before the kiss is ended. He'd wanted to come talk to Kirk about Trembley, offer his apologies and promises to do something about it, either take responsibility for informing his family or putting together the memorial service or something-- and instead he saw something he could have lived his entire life without seeing.   
  
Spock closes his other hand around the back of Kirk's and raises it to press his nose and lips against his knuckles, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment and just basking in the feeling of being wanted. When he finally pulls back, his eyes are shiny, and he clears his throat.   
  
"Thank-- thank you, sir," he says, trying to modulate his rough voice. "I apologize for my sensitivity. I will meditate as soon as I am able to, and bring my emotions under control."  
  
"Of course Mr. Spock." Kirk says, letting his hand fall back onto the cot. "Take all the time you need."   
  
He relaxes back on the cot while he watches him go and lets out a long slow sigh, hoping he had made the right call. Distracted, he's brought out of his thoughts by a large, warm hand on his bicep, and he looks over to see that Spock has awoken, and given the soft smile in his eyes, he'd likely been aware of the entire exchange, feigning sleep in order to give Kirk a moment with his younger counterpart.   
  
"That was kind of you," he murmurs softly.   
  
"You think so?" he asks, a little nervously. "I'm wondering if I didn't just make things a whole lot worse. I didn't- I don't think I felt any love from him. Not really. Not like I feel from you. But painkillers might have gotten to me."  
  
"I believe if the two of them are destined to be together, as we have observed in other pairs of us across the multiverse," Spock says, rubbing his hand up and down Kirk's bicep. "Then the next step will be up to Jim. But it may also be prudent, however painful, to entertain the idea that they are not destined to be together."  
  
Kirk sighs. "As much as I don't like that little brat, and I don't think he's earned his Spock's affection yet, I don't like to think of a universe where any version of us aren't together. It doesn't feel right."  
  
Spock smiles softly and reaches across the cot to squeeze Kirk's good hand. "That little brat saved you, and me, and this entire ship," he says, his voice tired and affectionate.   
  
"By taking over my bridge. He seems to have a real knack for mutiny doesn't he?" Kirk huffs but there's no real venom in his voice for once. He squeezes Spock's hand back. "He did save us. I'll give him that. How was he, as a captain?"  
  
Spock has to duck his head to hide the way his smile grows. "He was bold, and charming, he took caculated risks and was thoughtful of the fact that any consequences of his actions would fall to others once he returns to his home. He was... so much like you it was uncanny to watch."  
  
Kirk shakes his head a little, unsure if he likes that, but he can't help feeling maybe a little twinge of pride for the younger version of himself. "Now if only we could get his Spock to see that. But he's about as stubborn as you are, ashayam."  
  
"I am not convince he does not already see it," Spock says, rubbing his thumb over Kirk's knuckles. "Do you remember the first day we met them, when we were first challenging the idea that someone as young as Jim could captain a ship, Spock came to his defense unprompted."  
  
"I'd forgotten. There is some loyalty there, however strained it is right now," Kirk agrees. "They just need a push in the right direction."  
  
Spock is thoughtfully quiet for a moment as he contemplates this, thumbing over Kirk's knuckles, before a thought takes rood in his mind and carefully flowers. "Before we arrived in Cardassian space, you ordered me to take whatever steps would be necessary to remedy the pain caused by my strained link with Jim," he says evenly. "If I might make a suggestion, I believe I have come up with a way to kill two birds with one stone."  
  
When Jim left sickbay and took the turbolift up to the floor where he and Spock's temporary quarters were, his feet taking him without thought to his room, he locked the door behind him before falling backwards onto his bed. Logically he knows he has no right to be upset. Spock isn’t his in any sense, he shouldn’t be jealous. Spock doesn’t even like him, he’s made that painfully clear, even if he had seemed annoyed when he saw him with the older Spock. They weren’t together, not even close. If Spock wanted to kiss the older Kirk he had every right to do so however hypocritical it made him. It was fine.  
  
That didn’t stop the cold hollow feeling in his chest whenever he closed his eyes and saw the two of them together. The soft, happy look on Spock’s face like he’d finally found everything he’d been searching for in that simple touch made his heart ache. It wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t care about any of this but he couldn’t stop that feeling eating him up inside.  
  
He can't help but wonder how much of this is his fault. He and Spock had a pretty tenuous friendship to begin with, but when he'd heard about Spock's breakup with Uhura, he'd been the one to make the stupid move to defend her and be angry at Spock on her behalf. He doesn't even really know why they broke up, though considering she'd swung wildly from someone like Spock to someone like Scotty he can make an educated guess that she wasn't happy with the lack of warmth, laughter or joy in her relationship. Immediately he hates himself for thinking of Spock as joyless or devoid of warmth.   
  
Kirk wonders if he'd simply swooped in when he had the chance, if there wouldn't be this level of animosity between them now. He'd felt so crippled by and guilty for his jealousy of Spock and Uhura's relationship that it truly felt like the only way to keep from falling to his knees in front of Spock and begging for his attention at the time had been to take Uhura's side in a matter he didn't even have all the details over-- and now look at them.   
  
His door chirps, informing him that someone is outside, but there's only a couple people it could possibly be, and the most likely option is his own Spock-- the last person in the ship he wants to see right now. He ignores it, rolling up on his side to put his back to the door, but a moment later the door chirps a second time, and to his surprise he hears Commander Spock's voice instead.   
  
"Jim, I know you are in here."  
  
"Neat trick, was it the computer or the link that told you," He snaps back, hoping the coldness in his voice will make it clear he doesn't want to be around anyone right now. He knows Spock can probably feel his misery, guilt, and confusion through their bond. If he can feel anything through the pain it causes him.  
  
Thinking of that only causes another spike of guilt to turn his stomach and he curls in tighter on himself. Even without meaning to he's hurting Spock. Neither Spock is safe from him it seems, he just can't get anything right. The other Kirk, he makes them both happy. He makes them feel happy and loved and content-- he gives them everything they want while Jim lashes out and hurts and pushes. Just pushes and pushes all while trying to take more than they want to give or he deserves.   
  
"Leave me alone, Spock," he says in case his desire to wallow in his self pity isn't clear enough.  
  
Spock is silent for a moment outside the door, before he speaks again. "Jim, while I have the ability to force entry, I would prefer it if you let me in willingly. Either way, I am not going to abandon you when I can feel how badly you need me."  
  
Jim sighs loudly, very loudly so show how frustrated he is but he orders the computer to open the door while rolling onto his back so he can turn his head to look at Spock when he enters. "Can I do something for you commander?"  
  
"Yes," Spock says as the door closes behind him. "I need to talk to you about a serious matter. May I approach you?"  
  
"Yeah," Jim says, forcing himself to sit up on the bed to make room for Spock.  
  
Spock comes to the side of the bed and sits down beside Jim, reaching out to put his hand on his shoulder. "I have put considerable thought into this decision," he says, keeping his voice low and calm. "Since the first moment the link began to put a strain on our minds, I have been considering every possible course of action, and I have finally stopped fighting the inevitable conclusion I return to with every new potential path I explore."   
  
Jim hunches in on himself, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He should have known this was coming, it's hardly surprising really that Spock would come to this conclusion. Hell, he'd suggested it himself a number of times and with everything that's happened its of course the only logical conclusion. It still hurts though.  
  
"You're finally ready to break the link huh?"  
  
"On the contrary," Spock says, giving Jim's shoulder a squeeze. "I would like to strengthen it, and bond with you properly."  
  
"What?" Jim's head snaps up and he looks at Spock like he's suddenly grown an extra head. "You're joking."  
  
"You know as well as I, Jim, that vulcans have notoriously bad senses of humor," Spock says. "I am in fact not joking. In discussing this with my own Jim, we have both come to the conclusion that the best course of action, and indeed the most pleasant one, would be to strengthen the bond permanently."  
  
"Why?" He asks, disbelief clear on his face.  
  
"For multitudinous reasons," Spock says, his thumb rubbing over Jim's shoulder. "It would be less damaging to both your mind and my own to repair the bond rather than break it. During this last mission, the effects of the strained link put myself and the captain in danger, however I believe that the advantages to having a second link greatly outweighs the alternative of severing it altogether. Due to our link, however strained, you were afforded valuable information on my status you would not have had access to otherwise, and it allowed you to make intelligent decisions based on more than speculation."  
  
Turning to face Jim more fully, Spock reaches up to cup the side of his face. "And apart from all of those reasons, I simply want to. I hold a great deal of affection for you, and I _want to_."  
  
Jim can feel that affection radiating in his mind through their link, like an echo of the soft touch on his cheek and he leans into both without hesitation. God help him he wants this, he craves that gentleness and care more than he can put into words and Spock is offering him everything he could have asked for like it's nothing, like it's the easiest thing in the world. More than that, like it's something Jim _deserves_. How could he possibly be expected to say no to that?  
  
He nods dumbly, closing his eyes as he basks in Spock's warmth and tenderness for a little while longer. "How do we do it?"  
  
"Close your eyes," Spock says softly, and when Jim complies, he carefully arranges his fingertips over his face at the meldpoints, and their minds twine together for both the first and the second time.   
  
Instantly, they're connected down to their souls. Spock feels Jim's hopelessness and desperation, and Jim feels Spock's exhaustion and fondness, their emotions all tangling together like the roots of a tree. Jim feels Spock's forehead rest against his own, and his second hand raises to find the meldpoints on the opposite side of his face, holding him between his hands, close to his chest.   
  
There are so many layers to this, Jim realizes. When he'd melded with that old Spock in that cave, there had been emotional and informational transferrence, but it had been so brief there was little time for him to unpack anything he felt from Spock. It wasn't until later that he even had a chance to go back over some of the finer points of what he'd been exposed to through the brief connection, and even then most of it had been abstract.   
  
But this-- this is something special. He's given a glimpse back into Spock's childhood in perfect clarity, and then the first moment he ever met Kirk and the thoughts he'd had for him at the time-- his love for his previous captain Pike that had never been acted on, and his feelings of freedom when T'Pring had decided to bond with a different man-- it all crashes over and over, and though he doesn't know exactly how much of his own history Spock can see or is currently looking at, but he has to assume it's the same level of intimacy.   
  
"Our minds," he hears Spock murmur, and he doesn't know if it's inside his head or spoken aloud or both. "One in the same."  
  
It’s a kind of intimacy he’s never felt before and never wants to be lose. Jim’s always been so lonely but he’s never understood that loneliness until now, not really. Not until he’s truly with another person, sharing everything he is with them. He can feel Spock everywhere inside his mind, his soul. It’s like he’s surrounding him and inside him all at once and all that loneliness is finally fading away to nothing because he isn’t alone and never will be again. He knows that deep down inside him, he will never be alone because Spock will be with him. He wants to cry, and maybe he is, he can’t tell, but the beauty and the feeling of home are so overwhelming that there’s nothing else he can do to express it.   
  
He can faintly feel the other link there too, Spock’s bond to his captain, his Jim, and the bright burning love that fills that bond, different from the calm waves of affection that fill him now, but he doesn’t mind. Because even if this is all he can have it’s more than he could have ever expected or asked for and it’s beautiful. He lets it fill him up and pushes his own feelings back, wanting to give as much as he is taking and make that connection whole and even between them.  
  
The link begins to strengthen and repair itself, and Jim's mind visualizes it for him like a frayed rope being braided back together into a strong, unbreakable cable, weaving fingers and threads together and permanently connecting their two minds on a level he never could have considered before, even with a faint link already present.   
  
As they slowly ease back away from each other's minds, the meld tenderly unraveling until they're both deposited back into their own bodies, Jim opens his eyes to find Spock closer than ever, rubbing the tears off his cheeks with his thumbs.   
  
"Are you alright, Jim?" he asks softly.   
  
"Yeah," Jim says, his voice hoarse. "Just a little overwhelmed. Last time didn't feel like that at all." He leans back away from Spock to wipe away his own tears and catch his breath, needing a moment to collect himself.  
  
Spock allows his hands to drop from Jim's face, moving down instead to rest on his shoulders. The ache in his head is gone, replaced instead by two strong bonds tugging him in two directions. It might have been disorienting if not for the fact that they were both Jim.   
  
"I understand," he says with a nod, and for a moment it looks like he wants to say something, before he shakes his head and switches gears. "I do not know how long you will be here, but it will be a pleasure to be bonded to you until you leave."  
  
If it weren't clear from Spock's face it would be clear from their bond, now strong and practically singing in the back of Jim's mind, that there's something Spock is holding back. He looks up at the Vulcan, brow furrowed in confusion and concern and asks, "Spock? Is something wrong?"  
  
Spock looks away for a moment, his jaw flexing. "I am ashamed to admit that more than a small part of my reasons for wanting to bond with you were out of selfish desire. I do not want to lose you, Jim. Despite having no right to ask this of you, I find that I want you to stay."  
  
Jim stares at him. He wonders if he heard him right but he knows he did, there's no mistaking what Spock just asked him. His head spins as he considers the implications of that question. Stay here, on this Enterprise. Stay with Spock who cares about him and is bonded to him and wants him for however long he can have him. Admittedly it isn't so bad when he thinks about it like that.  
  
Then he thinks about what else that means. Never seeing his own Enterprise again. Never being Captain. Not having his friends, his crew, his Bones with him ever again and them never knowing what happened to him. He'd be giving them all up forever.   
  
And Spock. _His_ Spock. He'd have to give him up too. That cold ache in his chest comes back as he remembers seeing Spock and Kirk kissing in sickbay but it grows so much worse when he thinks about never seeing him again. He could live with not having him the way this Spock and Kirk have each other but never seeing him at all? Not having his Spock by his side and just being a third wheel to the captain and commander here? It's unthinkable.  
  
Slowly he shakes his head. "I can't," he says softly. "I'm sorry Spock. I can't."  
  
There was a part of Spock that honestly was afraid for a moment that he'd miscalculated, and that Jim would take him up on his offer. When he'd spoken with his husband in sickbay about how best to make Jim understand that he needs his own Spock, it had been his idea to offer himself permanently as an alternative, trusting that Jim would come to the conclusion on his own that he couldn't leave behind his people, and most importantly, his own Spock.   
  
It's only through years of practice with emotional control that Spock is able to keep his sense of relief out of the newly formed bond. He truly does love Jim, from the bottom of his heart-- but that's exactly _why_ he has to let him go back to his own home.   
  
"I understand," he says, resting his forehead against the younger man's. "I will miss you when you leave."  
  
"I'll miss you too. For like, ten minutes after I get home, before I reconnect with a way older version of you," Jim says with a little chuckle, trying to lighten the moment. He hopes maybe the reminder that they aren't going to be apart forever will make this a little easier on Spock. "I just can't leave my crew. Whatever my Spock and your Jim might think I am still a captain."  
  
Spock smiles softly. "They think more highly of you than you may realize," he says, brushing a bit of gold hair off Jim's forehead before he kisses him there. "Thank you for indulging an old man. I need to report our bond to the captain, do you suppose I can coax you out of your cave for dinner tonight?"  
  
"Just you?" Jim asks.  
  
"I hope it will not just be me, or I will be very lonely," Spock replies.  
  
Jim laughs and shakes his head. "And you say Vulcans have no sense of humor."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen this chapter is just straight up and down porn my friends. there's like a thimbleful of plot at the beginning but then its just all porn. if that's not your bag, then you're gonna wanna skip both this one and the next one bc theyre both gonna just be porn. 
> 
> the plot will continue after this short detour!

When the news had made it around the ship that _just_ enough of the decalithium had been acquired to make a single drop of red matter, Spock had considered it a failure-- but he was the only one. Everyone else on board seemed to feel as if it was cause for celebration, but Spock knew that it meant they only had one shot, and one shot only to get them home.   
  
It would be a while before they managed to put together the technology in order to actually refine the decalithium into red matter, technology that Spock himself has been overseeing, keeping the engineering crew working in a rotating shift that prevented anyone from being able to put together an image in their head of what the tech looked like in its entirety, so that when it was dismantled at the end of the process nobody could replicate it before its time. He's been keeping mostly to himself through the process, only taking breaks whenever Captain Kirk came down to tear him away from supervising every 18 hours or so and lovingly bully him into meditating for a few hours.   
  
Whenever he's out of engineering, he can't help but notice that his counterpart's health seems to have improved. The last time he saw the older Spock, he was suffering nose bleeds, his connection with Jim had been so strained, and now he's upright once more, clean and pressed without so much as a hint of the pain he'd previously been crippled by. This can only mean one of two things, either he'd broken his link with Jim, or strengthened it-- and given his own captain's mood as of late, he's pretty sure he can guess which. But it isn't his place to pry, and so he says nothing.   
  
Going just twenty lightyears out of their way the long way around the neutral zone has added at least 60 days to their transit time, at warp speed, and that's only when they can maintain maximum warp. On occasion they have to drop to a lesser warp in order to transfer extra power to maintenance and repairs, which only adds _more_ time to their ETA.   
  
Commander Spock informing Kirk of the fact that nearly three months would be added to their overall journey could have gone better. It isn't that Kirk _wants_ the kids gone, he's kinda gotten to like even his own counterpart in an exhausted, fatherly sort of way. But he's desperate to be close to his husband, especially after the harrowing encounter with the Cardassians, and with the bond tripled in strength between Spock and the younger Jim, it's more apparent now than ever that he would feel every exchange of breath and fluttering of fingers between them.   
  
In all honestly, its wearing on him. He and Spock have always had a healthy, enthusiastic sex life. At least twice a week, if not more, and now to be suddenly cut off for so long, it’s driving him crazy. He wants to be close to him, to feel him and celebrate another successful mission that saw them both come home alive in the way they used to. He’s always been a very virile man and this sudden dry spell is fraying his nerves.  
  
He knows Spock feels it too. He can sense the Vulcan’s longing through their bond and in the way his touch lingers whenever they kiss or brush past each other. Spock rubs his shoulders after a long day on the bridge and he knows its taking all his Vulcan control not to move his hands lower, to seek out more contact despite Kirk’s boundaries. And he wants him to, even as he tells himself they can’t because of his counterpart in Spock’s head.  
  
But Kirk is human and his self-control is finite. A week after he’s finally given the all clear by McCoy to be back on duty and not need his constant check ups he breaks. Shift is over and he gets back to his and Spock’s shared quarters before the Vulcan, giving him just enough time to jump into the sonic shower before the his husband returns. He washes quickly and doesn’t bother to dress afterwards, stepping back into their room with only a towel around his waist.  
  
Spock, when he enters the room, god bless him, spends only a moment glancing at Kirk before moving to sit on the ottoman in their living space in order to remove his boots. Still vigilantly tending to Kirk's previous wishes, he pours some water on the flames that had been fanned just by seeing his husband's bare, slightly damp chest.   
  
"Construction of the red matter collapser is at 30% as of the last I checked an hour ago," he informs Kirk without looking back over his shoulder. "With luck, it should be completed before we return to the sector where we first retrieved our doubles."  
  
"That's great Spock but I really don't care right now," Kirk says, going over to the bed to take a seat. He looks Spock up and down, a slow appreciative look that lingers on his hands and shoulders and finally his lips before he meets the man's eyes. It's a familiar look, one that comes with heavy lidded eyes and a crooked smile that promises all sorts of things in the coming hours. "Do you need to head back down to engineering tonight or are you all mine?"  
  
Spock catches those burning golden eyes and modulates a cool, active indifference in return, in one part because he doesn't want to give in to his husband's spike in libido too easily and find that Kirk has come to regret it by morning, and in one part because he just knows it'll drive him absolutely crazy.   
  
"My duties are concluded for the evening," he says, rolling his socks up and sticking them in his boots before he tugs off his overshirt and stands up in nothing but his uniform pants and that black tee shirt that drives Kirk wild.   
  
It's working of course. Kirk can't drag his eyes away from Spock's chest and licks his lips while taking in the sight of him. There's something very appealing about this, Spock almost fully dressed while he's wearing practically nothing. The little power play between them as they both volley for dominance in their little dance. He's missed it.   
  
"What do you say we take the evening to get reacquainted then?" He suggests, his voice low and husky.  
  
Spock moves infuriatingly just out of range if Kirk were to sit forward and try to make a grab for him, and stands at parade rest, with his legs shoulder-width apart and his hands clasped behind his back.   
  
"Is that wise, Jim?" he asks, one brow lifting. "You are aware that conditions have not changed in regards to the bond between myself and your younger counterpart. Or, I suppose to be more accurate, they have changed but only in such a way that would afford him _more_ information than before, if we were to be intimate."  
  
"I know," Kirk says with a little sigh. "But I find that I don't care anymore. I've missed you too much Spock, it's been too long and I'm not going to wait another couple of months to be with my husband. If that means that he feels what happens so be it, but I'm not letting that kid get between us."  
  
Spock doesn't move any closer. "To be direct, Jim," he says, his voice low and even. "You are giving me consent to touch you?"  
  
"I'm giving you consent to ravish me, Spock," Kirk says, smiling.  
  
Spock moves like he's been launched out of a cannon, the towel hitting the ground with a damp splat as Kirk is scooped up in his husbands arms with a giddy peal of laughter. Arms are thrown around the vulcan's neck as he's dropped down on the mattress with a little bounce, and their mouths meet in a kiss that has been needed for far too long. Spock's hands roam Kirk's body, feeling over damp skin, gripping his soft hips and thighs and curling around him like a starving animal.   
  
"Ashayam," he murmurs, his voice low in his throat as he bites kisses into Jim's neck and shoulder. His control is arguably much better than the human's, but when the dam finally bursts and he loses control, the whiplash is a hundred times more intense.   
  
Normally Kirk might tease Spock for being so zealous but he’s just as eager, reacting to every kiss and bite like he’s a teenager again. He arches into his touch, body coming alive under the Vulcan’s hands and their bond acting as a feedback loop heightening every sensation. He doesn’t even care if there will be visible marks tomorrow. Let the whole crew see, why shouldn’t they know he and his husband love each other?  
  
He slides one hand down from Spock’s shoulders, down his arm to find the Vulcan’s hand, lacing their fingers together in the filthiest of Vulcan kisses and squeezing. He wants to push him over the edge and see Spock entirely undone. There will be time for slow sweet lovemaking later, right now he’s hot and desperate and wants everything Spock will give him.  
  
Spock can feel everything Kirk needs as he flips his husband up onto his side and curls behind him, one arm hooking around under his neck to grab him around the chest and shoulder, pinning him back against his vulcan lover. Spock presents his fingers to Kirk's mouth, and barely lingers on the pleasure of Kirk's tongue wetting them before he's pressing one inside his husband.   
  
It's rough and dirty, especially since through hazy brown eyes Kirk can see their lube on the bedside table, tucked between the potted plant and tissues, that Spock is blatantly ignoring in favor of utilizing the harsh friction that comes from just using saliva.   
  
"Jim," he moans into his husband's ear as the pleasure of having his finger gripped so tightly overcomes him completely. He buries his face into the side of Kirk's neck and moans against his skin, unashamed and _hungry_.   
  
"Spock," Kirk groans back, grabbing at his other hand to have something to cling to, needing to hold on to him while Spock opens him up so roughly in just the way he needs right now. He wants to feel everything, every drag and crook of his fingers as he stretches him in preparation. It's been far too long since they've done this and he needs to feel all of it and know that as good as it is for him its even better for Spock.  
  
He's merciful enough to involve the lube before adding his second finger, using the full strength behind his wiry bicep to fuck his fingers into his husband, breathing hard against his neck when the pleasure doubles back over him through the bond. He knows Jim is getting feedback from it wherever he is in the ship, and he can only hope the boy will forgive him for flooding him with sexual stimuli-- because he couldn't bear to stop now.   
  
"I'm going to penetrate you, Jim," Spock's voice is a low growl as he takes the human apart piece by piece. "How would you prefer to be taken tonight?"   
  
Kirk is panting, hot and desperate and close to telling Spock he can have him any way he wants but he stops; because no, that isn’t really what he wants, not tonight. Not after waiting so long. As much as he wants this fast and hard and rough, and as much as he wants to feel it every time he moves tomorrow. he also wants to be with Spock right now, truly.  
  
“I want to see you,” Kirk answers, knowing his husband will understand exactly what he needs. “I want to see you and kiss you while you take me Spock.”  
  
"Yes, Jim," Spock murmurs in his ear as he spreads those fingers.   
  
Some might complain about the gratuitous amount of lube that Spock tends to use whenever it's available, but secretly Jim _likes_ feeling a little sloppy by the time Spock is done with him. With uncoordinated, shaking hands he helps to open Spock's trousers, and fingers his wet slit for a moment just to break the seal and coax his cock out against his hand, his breath taken away, as always, by the sheer _size_ of his husband's sex.   
  
Spock sheds the pants altogether but elects to leave the black shirt on, only because he knows how wild it drives Jim, and as he leans out over him their combined slippery hands guide him to his husband's slack channel. Sliding inside feels like slipping into a hot bath, completely overcome by warmth and emotion-- and flooding poor Jim with sensations and emotions all the while.   
  
Still, he hooks a hand underneath Kirk's knee and spreads him wide as he grinds in to the base with a low, animal growl. His irises have blown out wide, swallowing up the whites of his sclera in a clear sign of lust as he bottoms out inside Kirk, and immediately sets into a moderate pace.  
  
It never ceases to surprise Kirk just how big his husband is. He's used to it by now of course, but it still somehow always comes as a pleasant surprise to feel the heavy girth of him, stretching him and filling him like he is now, especially after so long. He groans as Spock begins to move, steady, measured thrusts that allow the captain to adjust to the feeling.   
  
He forces his eyes open to look up at Spock because nothing is as beautiful as his husband like this, when he's finally letting go of some of his tightly held control and truly letting his emotions show. The pleasure, the animalistic intensity on his face as he stares down at Kirk is a sight to behold and it sends a spike of desire through Kirk that makes him twitch. He'll never get tired of being looked at like this, wanted like this.   
  
"More, Spock," He urges through panting gasps, wanting him to go faster to see him come undone.  
  
Spock gives a single nod before leaning up onto his knees properly, so he's vertical over his husband, and moves his hands. He pins them down over Kirk's soft waist, his fingers sinking in to the inch or so of fat there that he's obsessed with, and increases the pace, swinging his hips down so their skin slaps together.   
  
The vulcan's brow furrows deeply in pleasure and concentration as he rails the life and soul out of Kirk beneath him, his own breath coming out in measured puffs through his nose that make his nostrils flare. A high, emerald flush settles over his cheeks and ears, bleeding down onto his chest with the effort of pounding into his husband, and he watches obsessively as Kirk bounces under him, the softness on his belly and chest rippling ever so slightly.   
  
"_Jim_," he moans, his voice low and hoarse and broken up. He can't say anything more, his voice too consumed with pleasure, but Kirk is flooded with his love and adoration and worship through the bond with every thrust and every groan.  
  
"Fuck!" Kirk curses, hands scrambling to clutch at anything he can, the sheets, Spock's arms, anything that will give him purchase as he moves in time with his husband as best he can, rocking his hips to meet his harsh thrusts. He can feel every movement Spock makes through his whole body and knows he'll be sore tomorrow but it'll be more than worth it for how good this is.  
  
Spock is so beautiful, strong and flushed above him, his hair in disarray. Kirk knows he must be shiny with sweat and red from exertion and arousal as well but he doubts he's quite the sight Spock is. Jim could look at him all day if he could keep his eyes open but every thrust of Spock's hips sends shockwaves through him and he can already feel his orgasm building. Usually he's got better stamina, can match Spock's resilience but it's been so long and Spock is pouring all his want and love into him-- how could he be expected to hold on for very long.  
  
"Do not hesitate, Jim," Spock grits out, his voice growling and deep in his chest as he looms out over the human, releasing his waist to instead brace himself on his hands on either side of his head, bearing his full weight down on his husband as he pounds into him. "Release, if you feel it."  
  
He can feel it building fast, as well. It's very rare for the two of them to cum out of sync, the bond has made their pleasure line up nearly flawlessly for years, and tonight is no exception. He knows he won't last long, so long as Kirk is barreling so quickly towards release-- and he frankly isn't willing to draw it out any longer, his craving for Kirk is too strong. It isn't as though they have to limit their lovemaking to a single round, after all.   
  
Kirk doesn't. He holds nothing back, letting his pleasure build and pulling Spock along with him as their bodies move in tandem. He's losing the rhythm a little, the rocking of his hips becoming more erratic but he doesn't care. All that matters is the way he and Spock move together, so perfectly like they were made for this.   
  
"Spock!" He gasps as his toes curl and the muscles in his thighs jump and spasm as he clenches around the Vulcan, the beginnings of his orgasm starting to crash around them.  
  
"Jim," Spock echoes in a low moan, leaning into and hunching around his husband as they find their release together.  
  
Spock rolls off of him only when their muscles have gone slack and soft, and his heated back hits the cool sheets with a relieved sigh as he tugs the boneless human against his side. Tucking his nose against Kirk's damp forehead, he nuzzles into his soft hair with a content sigh, sliding his hand up Jim's arm. They'll need to get up and clean off soon-- but he isn't in any big hurry to move.  
  
"This may have unforseen consequences," Spock warns, his voice croaky as he peppers kisses down Kirk's neck and shoulder. "But I find that in this moment... I do not care."  
  
"Don't make me think about the kid while I'm enjoying the afterglow Spock." Kirk playfully scolds, snuggling closer to his husband, a happy sigh escaping him. "What he does is his own business. I've missed you. I needed you. After getting injured I deserved a roll in the hay with my husband."  
  
"By my metric, you deserve far more than that," Spock says tenderly, meeting Jim's mouth in a soft kiss. A shower is definitely in order sooner than later. Maybe two, if Spock wants to join Kirk for the first, but that can wait a moment while they catch their breath and bask in the mutual affection they've had to withhold for so many weeks. 


End file.
